To move or not to move for university?

[PinkChaires]

For context, dd wants to do law and we live about 5 mins bus ride or 15 minute walk from the uni of Manchester.

dd is unsure whether it is worth it to move out. She only wants to move ifs its a ‘better’ uni than manchester for law so basically london/oxbridge as she only wants a city but willing to make an exception for Oxbridge . Any advice?

pro for moving out
-better ranked unis could mean better/easy to get a job post grad
-independence , standing on own two feet
-loves london as a city
-prefers oxbridge teaching style eg in small groups
-will get max student loan so living expenses possibly less of a problem?

cons
-her whole life is here, due to various reasons most if not all of her friends will not move out for uni
-living expenses v v high, if stays she doesnt need to pay rent or any living expenses regularly.
-mental health is not bad per say , but can be rocky
-manchester is a perfectly good uni, so may not affect employment prospects too much?

I have one who stayed at home to go to uni. It coincided with COVID so it turned out to be excellent choice. I remember at the time researching as I was worried about social side of things and found that UK is a bit unusual in everyone going away for uni.

Other DC has gone away for uni and it is a lot more stressful and expensive but I think they would argue it's the best choice. I not so sure as the best uni for their subject is close to home. But they were determined to move.

Obviously university is about the qualification but next most important is the opportunity student life brings. It's the only time of life where you live in relative freedom - no parents to control you and no job to restrict your life. It was the best time of my life bar non. I feel sorry for kids who don't stay away from home, you lose such an exciting life experience by staying at home.

Also, be aware that oxbridge can be off putting to some employers as much as it can be an attraction. I've spent most of my career in employment/HR and I wouldn't want my kids to go there.

I encouraged mine to go away. It is great to start building independence and a stepping stone to life post uni.

One of mine stayed home and saved us a small fortune, so I’d be on the stay home camp, he still has a great social life.

I think given that you are SO close to uni (no long commute) and Manchester is excellent for law and her mh issues staying at home sounds very sensible. She could always move out for eg 3rd year if she felt the need. But she will save so much money not paying rent.

I think a lot depends on the individual. I have friends who have introvert kids who went away to uni and had no social life. They might have had more of a social life at home.

My stay at home dc did have a social life before COVID but I think my stay away DC probably has the better social life but it is very expensive. And it's logistically difficult because they moved quite far away.

I think you miss out on so much by not living away from home. Best years if my life

I’m not quite following the part where she wants a city but is willing to make an exception for Oxbridge? Both uni’s are in cities?

Max student loan is pretty minimal. It will stretch a lot further in Southampton than in Bristol (you’ll probably still have to top up but by less).

Magic circle law firms may not be the best choice if your mental health is rocky, they are pretty unforgiving cultures with long long hours.

No one can really answer - you need to go visit a few uni’s and get into the swing of it. What are her predicted grades? Make sure when you complete the ucas forms you choose one aspirational and one sensible back up that will accept lower grades, as clearing is hell on earth.

dd stayed at home for uni and saved us a fortune. This now means we can fund living expenses for her Masters and she's moving away for that. Manchester is a great uni.

I’d be going for the moving out option. The best thing about uni is the living away from home. My 2 have both graduated and like me, they view those years as the best of their lives so far. It just wouldn’t be the same, or even comparable, to live at home.

I encouraged all mine to move out for the full student experience, telling them they have their whole live to commute

I hope my dc opt to move out when they get to that stage. I think it's good to gain the independence and learn to be an adult. I worry that if they don't move out then, it becomes harder to make the choice to leave later, and I don't think the trend of adult children staying at home into their twenties and thirties is really doing anyone any favours.

Obviously I will miss them if they do!

Uni is about so much more than just studying. Id encourage her to apply elsewhere. She has her current life and friends in Manchester - but she will make a tonne of new friends and have so much more of a chance to develop her independence and who she is, if she goes away.

I think not going away to uni is such a waste. At no other time in life will a person be able to have the experience that living in halls/shared accomodation, going out and having fun in quite the same way that Uni offers. Living at home.......... meh!

Has she considered Bristol? And seminar group sizes completely depend on courses, so she’ll have to do her research there. I did History with German at Bristol in the early 00’s, so admittedly many many things will have changed since, but my History groups were 12 or fewer in all my modules I think.

My DC moved away, like I did, and it works for everyone involved. Learning to be independent is really important and you can’t really do that at home. They live their own life and I’m not sat waiting up to make sure they’re home safe after a night out.
They make friends for life in their first year, spending all their time with flatmates and decide which of them they want to live with in their second. She won’t do that in the same way living at home.
On the other hand, Manchester is a great Uni and cost of living is lower than down south.
She does need to visit Unis and see what she likes. My DC went to view 3-4 and ruled some out on the basis that they didn’t like them for the specific course they wanted.

Interesting. Why would oxbridge put employers off of you don’t mind me asking?

Interesting about oxbridge, will mention as it seems shes kind off pushing herself towards it because she views it as the best thing she could do for career, rather than considering if its right for her

My Dd moved away for uni and in her words ' no amount.of money could have bought the experience' she grew up so much and made some really good friends, one of whom she flatshares with now. Importantly she maintained her home town friendships and met up with friends when home, to catch up

Obviously it's up to her. My children were/are completely against going to the uni that is also a 5 min walk from us. They don't consider it a 'real place'. What they mean is, it's not the proper uni experience.
My eldest went a long way for uni, barely came home, made loads of friends and loved it. Youngest wants to go away as well. I guess it depends how much she wants to cut the loan down? My son has a huge loan as he got full maintenance, and is having to pay back quite a lot per month straight after graduating. But I still think it was worth him leaving because he got so much more out of it from leaving his home city.

Firstly, apologies to anyone reading this who is from oxbridge, it may not make for pleasant reading! Oxbridge graduates can be pigeon holed as too academic and, put simply, a bit geeky. They're also sometimes perceived as arrogant and like the world owes them something purely because of their education. If a client is looking for candidates who have to engage heavily with people, (customers, other employees, the public etc) they may look for someone who has a more grounded education and who is less likely to match the geeky/arrogant stereotype. On the flipside of that, there are sectors who would be very keen on oxbridge grads - science, research, academia all like the geeky types because they're geeky type roles.

The other consideration is that whilst your university may impact your first job, after that, no decent recruiter will give a shit where you got your degree from. If you've got the right work experience and a degree, that's all that matters. The perception of red bricks, oxbridge etc is massively overplayed by some. I often wonder whether parents are more bothered about oxbridge so they can tell everyone their kid went to oxbridge rather than it being a genuine perception that they'll be more employable.

Disclaimer - these are opinions I've seen regularly in my HR career, it isn't necessarily my opinion!

I encouraged my DC to go away to uni if they wanted to, because I never did and wasn't encouraged to consider it.

DC1 loved her 3 years at York and didn't want to come home.

DC2 spent a year away at her uni, didn't like living away from home or the course she'd chosen. So came home again, and is reapplying to go to the very good local uni to do a different course.

Son is currently living away from home at uni and is absolutely living his best life. It’s a soft launch into the real world where they have to look after themselves but there they can do it gradually ie first year in halls where they only need to think about feeding themselves and keeping their room clean, then second year you add on looking after a house, paying bills etc.
As soon as he comes home, he reverts to type a bit as he’s eating with the family and his washing is done with the family wash so I think if he’d stayed at home for uni he’d still be a lot less independent.
I’m 100% behind them leaving home for it, but understand how some would struggle with their mental health etc so only you know how your child would cope.

Manchester is a great uni. Many of the Times Top 100 employers would target an Manchester graduate over Oxbridge due to perceptions of being more well rounded. So either way I'd encourage her to get stuck into different activities and say yes to things.

I stayed at home. I don’t regret it per se. The degree was the best for my subject, opened lots of doors to getting my first job (doesn’t matter one iota anymore!) But I missed out on the social aspect and only have one friend I still see somewhat sporadically from uni days compared to lots of people who have several. I would encourage my children to go away, and also to a “campus” university rather than one spread out in a city.

My advice to her would be don't be held back by having friends who stay locally.

That is the worst reason to stay at home, second only to having a boyfriend staying at home.

If they are great friendships, they will persist. Many, many people move away at 18 and still have lifelong friendships with their former school friends but in the meantime have also met also sorts of other people from a wide range of backgrounds and countries who can add to their lives too.

At the very least, if she decides to stay at home, try and get her to do an exchange year abroad.