To move or not to move for university?

[PinkChaires]

For context, dd wants to do law and we live about 5 mins bus ride or 15 minute walk from the uni of Manchester.

dd is unsure whether it is worth it to move out. She only wants to move ifs its a ‘better’ uni than manchester for law so basically london/oxbridge as she only wants a city but willing to make an exception for Oxbridge . Any advice?

pro for moving out
-better ranked unis could mean better/easy to get a job post grad
-independence , standing on own two feet
-loves london as a city
-prefers oxbridge teaching style eg in small groups
-will get max student loan so living expenses possibly less of a problem?

cons
-her whole life is here, due to various reasons most if not all of her friends will not move out for uni
-living expenses v v high, if stays she doesnt need to pay rent or any living expenses regularly.
-mental health is not bad per say , but can be rocky
-manchester is a perfectly good uni, so may not affect employment prospects too much?

thanks lots to think about. Ultimately her decision. I havent mentioned that she wouldn’t be out partying due to just not being that type of person plus our religion. I think her compromise might be to apply to Manchester but the others choices further away eg london . Shes very opposed to commuting more than about 30 minutes so rules out most unis near us

Mine stayed home to go to a more “prestigious” university. It was a mistake. He didn’t make friends, find his people, his mental health suffered. He dropped out and is starting again this year at a different, less prestigious but hopefully a better fit for him uni and moving into halls, hoping that he’ll have a better experience

Agree. Teaches you to be independent. Better social life. Forces you to step out of that comfort zone.

Go for the best fit and then if it's the right course, good friendships will follow.
Yes there are benefits to the full student experience, but it depends on her personality.

If she wants to pursue a career in law then I guarantee you that a degree from Oxbridge will put off zero law firms, many of the top firms draw most of their trainees from a very small pool of universities.

I think moving out is best, even without a party lifestyle it is a great halfway house to being an independent adult.

Absolutely this. Of course the degree is important, but closely followed by cutting the apron strings and becoming independent.
Young people learn so much from actually leaving home and, preferably, moving a good couple of hours away. I would be strongly encouraging your young person to leave, OP.

I stayed home for 3 of my 4 years. Deeply regret it.
I wasn't a party person and had a real degree of freedom at home but, when I moved out for 3rd year, I loved the independence. Moved back for 4th year because...well, stupid reasons.

There is a perception that Oxford and Cambridge are villages in the Cotswolds. Both are in cities. Cambridge is smaller and the rough underbelly is less pronounced, but it's there. Oxford is a proper small city with all that entails. They both have the Harry Potter centres full of tourists tripping over one another but they also have factories, shops, social housing and branches of Burger King.

I think outcomes are better if they stay home. Less distraction and drama. DS commuted in year 2 andc3 but stayed in halls in year one. We were able to absorb most of the cost of him being home so saved him thousands. If DD wants a career in law she may well end up working in London and house sharing anyway. It's £60K plus interest to go to university and stay away. I think the qualifications are more important than the social life.

I honestly think parents are doing NT kids a disservice if they don’t encourage them to go away to uni.

I think that aspect is at least as important as the degree.

‘Good parents give their children roots and wings’.

From my son’s experience all the initial socialising in year 1 was done with the people from their halls. They seemed to group together and give each other confidence to go out as they are all in the same boat. (And by socialising I don’t necessarily mean drinking and partying) it’s having someone to go to an event with or to the freshers fair to join societies and sports teams. From his flat of 8 in year 1, he probably only socialises with 2 of them now in year 2, but they were a big part of him getting out and about and making friends in the first few weeks. If someone is living at home, unless they have another friend from home, they would initially be attending anything alone which I imagine is quite difficult.

Lots of pros and cons..my DD moved to study Law and from the mental health perspective I would say it massively helped to improve on that. Of course it can go either way but that was one of my biggest concerns, especially in terms of flatmates.

Seems reasonable to me, if she studies in Manchester she stays home, if she gets into Oxbridge, she doesn’t. She should certainly go to a better university if she has the option. For sure, she will lose out on independence living at home, but it will be much, much cheaper of course. If you’d rather she moved out, charge her rent.

I would 100% move away.
Uni is about more than the degree especially st the current cost. Living out for the first time, responsibility, friends for life.
uni life has its ups and downs but I’m still so close to my uni friends 10 years later and we always talk about all the great memories we had!

London = very expensive. I'd recommend avoiding it.

Oxbridge worth looking at for obvious reasons. (Yes, I read law at Oxford. My alternative would have been Reading which was a 20 min drive/ short train journey from where I then lived)

Visiting the law department at Manchester is definitely a good plan - does it seem like somewhere she could be for three years.

I kind of think she's in a no brainer situation that it's best to stay at home possibly unless she gets an Oxbridge offer.

Yes, there's a chunk of experiences she might miss out on. You'll probably have to negotiate specifics - can she come home drunk? / Can she bring a partner back with her? / What hours are 'night time - don't be noisy' for the household? Who cooks which meals? Who pays for which bits of food? She may well 'need' to use some of the money that'll be saved on occasional nights in hotels for times when she doesn't want a 15 min walk home. Or she may want a good quality self inflating mattress and sleeping bag so she can stay on a uni friend's floor occasionally. How are you going to manage with her living with you but not knowing where she is at any given time / keeping irregular hours? Rejigging your thinking may be tricky.

Stay home, can then work part time and go travelling every summer break
mine just finished, stayed at home, now in Vietnam
she’s so glad she didn’t move away, more debt

she went to law department at Manchester and loved it, the head of law was someone she liked as well. Apparently loads of opportunities for law, and some interesting modules in 2nd and 3rd year. She wouldn’t move out for anywhere but london/oxbridge really, she wants a big city as we are not white so in smaller cities its harder to fulfil dietary requirements and less tolerance. She wouldn’t be going out drinking because of religion but also its just not the person she is.

Birmingham ?

Moving out was the best thing ever for my only DC. Late August born and just turned 18 when they left! They can’t imagine not having done it now. They did have a bit of a wobble just before but we just reassured them they could always come home.

Not the point of the post I know but I wouldn't rule out small cities entirely, I moved out from London to a much smaller city and yes, finding halal food wasn't the easiest (I'm Muslim) and I did experience micro aggressions and occasionally outright racism from both classmates flatmates and random strangers in public but I loved my time away! Being in a smaller place really suited me, I found it much more peaceful and relaxing than being in a city, very scenic, made some great friends and memories I still cherish now and that definitely outweighs the cons I mentioned

I do take your point @unstableunicorn but shes very much a city person, still i may encourage leeds or newcastle. (Birmingham wont be entertained whatsoever for some reason)

A lot depends on what she wants to do with her law degree...if she wants a job in a top flight legal firm, golden or even silver circle then she should definitely choose a top uni for law. Birmingham/Bristol are good compromises for law if she doesn't make it to Oxbridge.
One of our daughters got a first class law degree there, + french law and just managed to get an internship in a decent big legal firm. She is now a solicitor there but always talks of how tough it is to get in unless all boxes get ticked....

If she is not interested in top flight career then it comes down to your pros and cons...I think personally that moving away from home is generally a good and important step in spreading your kids wings...

I stayed at home for uni. It meant cheaper outgoings and I was able to keep my part time job and run a car. My parents however were very supportive and didn’t ask where I was all the time, didn’t berate me for coming in late or skipping the odd lecture. I think it would have been much harder if they were over bearing. They had no issues with me sleeping at my then boyfriends (now husbands) parents home either. If I decided to stay out I would usually text out of courtesy, but if I didn’t they understood that I was an adult and could make my own decisions (even bad ones).

The course I wanted to do was at my local in which was 15 minutes from my home, so it made sense for me, and the local
uni was highly rated for the subject I did.

I didn’t miss out by staying at home, but that was largely down to my amazing mum and dad

How adventurous/ worldly / experienced is she in general? I gre up in a city in the north and went away (but not too far) for undergraduate.
Without that experience I would not have managed my next step which was to London and without all the structure of a uni undergrad experience. I just wouldn’t have managed London flat shares and juggling jobs and building a life there if it was straight from the comfort of my parents home.

I’m a half way voter here, go local but first year stay in the uni accommodation make the friends and experience it. But 2/3rd years live at home.

Ahh fair enough each to their own, i do still think moving out is really good in terms of making friends, personal growth and independence but it is more expensive, especially in London. If she stayed at home would she be close enough to the uni that she could still join societies etc easily? I think also take into account that if she does stay home it would help to still have a similar degree of independence as those living out in terms of staying out late etc (responsibly of course) and not being micromanaged or treated as a child still. Not saying you do that now! Just from what I've seen of siblings and friends who stayed home