To move or not to move for university?

[PinkChaires]

For context, dd wants to do law and we live about 5 mins bus ride or 15 minute walk from the uni of Manchester.

dd is unsure whether it is worth it to move out. She only wants to move ifs its a ‘better’ uni than manchester for law so basically london/oxbridge as she only wants a city but willing to make an exception for Oxbridge . Any advice?

pro for moving out
-better ranked unis could mean better/easy to get a job post grad
-independence , standing on own two feet
-loves london as a city
-prefers oxbridge teaching style eg in small groups
-will get max student loan so living expenses possibly less of a problem?

cons
-her whole life is here, due to various reasons most if not all of her friends will not move out for uni
-living expenses v v high, if stays she doesnt need to pay rent or any living expenses regularly.
-mental health is not bad per say , but can be rocky
-manchester is a perfectly good uni, so may not affect employment prospects too much?

I think this is a really good option too, worked well for quite a few people I know and you get the best of both

My DD has just spent first year at Liverpool. Living in student accommodation. It wasn't really for him but got the experience of being away.

For next two years he will commute by train. Job and friends are at home so makes so much more sense.

Lots of places are commutable from Manchester via train so wouldn't have to move away unless she really wanted to. Look at how far the uni is from train station and how many hours she would actually be at uni. DS only had 12-15 hours this year for a science course.

Rents and living costs add up. DS rent was almost £8k for the year. Student loan wouldn't cover that. Is she planning on working/playing her own way or are you covering costs?

This is an EXCELLENT idea if OPs DD chooses uni close to home.

the value of the societies, clubs and shares experience cannot be overstated. Incidentally a group of my college friends stayed at the uni closer to home: I was initially envious they already had a tribe to hang out with but realize they lost the real chance to meet new people and gain new perspectives. Their network and experience stayed much the same, which with hindsight a few admit was a waste.

DS will embark on his 4th year away from home in September. He is with us for a bit of the summer but also spending time there as that is where his life is now. It has been costly and stressful at times, but he has had so many experiences, learned life skills and made great friends which he just wouldn't have had living with us. It's been worth more than money to him.

I think it hinges on their social life / independence.

In a subject like law, I presume future earning potential is good, so worth getting the debt. In reality, doing a degree now us like a binary opt in to 10% additional tax for most of your working career. In fact lower earners never pay it back anyway.

So financial considerations aside, does she consider it to be a good stepping stone socially? I would say that moving away to uni is like a middle class finishing school as much as anything academic. It may force her to mix with a wider range of people than her home town crowd.

But living away comes with risks. They can become isolated, depressed, and lonely. They can find money difficult. They can experience bullying.

So whilst it opens horizons to move away, and build resilience, it can also be tough.

Which one is she up for? That's the question. I think its whether she has a more adventurous spirit.

This was our DCs too. We have a high rated RG uni on our doorstep. They applied and were offered places along with other unis. I said if you choose the local uni live out for the first year, experience that independence, make friends and then in 2nd and 3rd year you can live at home if you want. It would have been a massive saving accommodation wise.

As it turns out both children moved away to unis a few hours from us. Geography does sometimes dictate a no for applying whether that is too far from home, impossible to travel home for a weekend mid term if that is something they would want to do, too hard for parents to drive them with all their belongings or visit for a day and conversely too close to home and too familiar. There are many considerations.

The child I thought would stay in their room, teetotal, not really sociable is the one out with friends, involved in societies, doing fun stuff with friends, off out and about. Loving cooking for themselves, learning new recipes from flatmates from other countries. I was happily surprised. Still teetotal but having a ball.

Run the student loan amount they take from their salary on a salary calculator and per year it isn't a lot considering how much they will probably owe.

My DD, now 19 almost 20, commutes about an hour and 15 mins to uni and lives at home. Her choice as she competes her horses to a high level and is very focussed on their training which is a daily commitment. Her lectures obviously vary but mostly allow her to ride at some point of most days. If she has late lectures followed by earlies the next day, she stays with a family friend and pays for her board. She also has a job so mostly does around 20 hours per week during term time.

She is a very motivated young lady, her uni results are consistently around a first class level and it works for her. She decided to go this route as she was away at A level college for 2 years (with horse) about 3 hours away, then took a year out to work -also with horse -and 4 hours away, so felt she'd done the independence thing and didn't want more student debt than absolutely necessary. She has since said that she kind of wishes she had lived at uni for first year for the social life.

If she hadn't been away for so long already, I would definitely have encouraged her to move to uni but it certainly is much cheaper doing it the way she is! It just depends on your DD circumstances and priorities I think.

If she goes to Manchester, there’s nothing to stop her living out in year 2, so that she has the experience of living independently. If she doesn’t like it, she’s got the safety net of home. Oxbridge colleges generally provide accommodation for most of their students so it’s a somewhat more ‘sheltered’ existence than living out in shared houses.
There’s no single right answer here - every option will involve some degree of compromise. Part of the uni experience is trying new things, but that doesn’t have to mean moving away from home. There’s time later for her to spread her wings, if that’s what she prefers. Not everyone feels ready to live independently at 18 and your daughter should do what feels right for her.

Working in a magic circle law firm and closely involved in recruiting, I'd totally disagree with this. Oxbridge isn't the be all and end all but certainly wouldn't put off any employers in the sector. And is very blinkered to suggest Oxbridge grads are more academic but less commercial. Certainly not borne out in my (23 year) experience.

Going back many years now but I was born and bred in Glasgow and stayed there for university and it’s one of the few big regrets I have in life. It’s always been more common in Scotland to study in your home city and probably even more so now with the difference in fees etc, but I really feel I missed out on the university experience. I didn’t work any harder as I kept my boyfriend, job and all the friends I already had and basically just went in for lectures, to the library and then home. I had a great social life but nothing to do with university.

DD stayed at home as she had a long term relationship, a decent pt job and good social life
DS went to nearby city and lived out and loved it - hoping to buy property and move back there as soon as can afford
Its what works best for an individual

She could go to Manchester and just be in halls for first year to make friends

https://www.thecompleteuniversityguide.co.uk/league-tables/rankings/law
Manchester is well ranked for law. Unless she’s contextual it’s AstarAA.
If she’s wanting Oxbridge or a very top ranked uni she’ll need to sit LNAT (law aptitude exam) early yr13. Most kids sitting LNAT will apply to a mix of LNAT and none LNAT universities, Manchester doesn’t need LNAT.

If she’s aiming for a career as a solicitor this gives breakdown of unis most trainees come from at bigger firms (it’s most up to date version 2019)
www.chambersstudent.co.uk/where-to-start/newsletter/law-firms-preferred-universities-2019

A compromise might be stay home for undergrad then move for postgraduate - SQE course to be a solicitor or bar course if aiming to be a barrister.

Mine was torn and in the first week thought she had made a big mistake moving five hours away. Now of course she has grown hugely independent. She loves living at home and is really looking forward to summer here but it is totally within her comfort zone and she wouldn’t have done half as much as she has if she’d stayed here.

This is my opinion too. Living out and away from home at 18 is not just about the Uni it’s about so much more.

We have a DC on a 5 or 6 (to intercalate or not to intercalate that is the question) year course.

They too have 52 week accommodation so they split their summer vacation between us and the Uni house share.

The financial commitment to us is stressful but DC has matured and experienced so much living away and it makes me happy to see them having this experience.

Still only 19 til end of August too which is mad when I think about it.

So different to the just turned 18 year old who left home in September 2023.

I think moving away was massively part of the uni experience when I went, but not so much now. Its expensive to live, lots of my friends kids don't go out much as the can't afford to.
However my best friends daughter is starting in September and is staying at home. She was going out to celebrate the end of school, friend was horrified when she said she would be home "about 3-4am"
How will she cope with that for the next 3 years!

Where I'm from, people from major cities other try to get into the local university. But they still move to live on their own. I don't think you need to move far away if you enjoy the local course. But i do think students should live on their own if it is at all possible.

Don't let the experiences of someone who didn't go there put you off Oxbridge. As well as being a great experience designed to push you and get the best out of you, it honestly opens so many doors in so many ways afterwards. I don't think that companies are universally put off by geeks, either.
I would suggest that she live in halls for the first six months if it's doable financially. If she stays at home the whole time, give her some adult tasks to solve like dealing with utilities. Finally, she can seek out challenging experiences for the summer break, perhaps abroad. And she can plan to do her master's elsewhere.

Afaik, both Oxford and Cambridge are large towns? And both are, in fact, cities. Mind, not for all and can be difficult to fit in.

I just wanted to share my perspective because I often see posts from people worried about "missing out" if they stay at home for university. I commuted all three years to my local uni—about 35–40 minutes on the train plus a 15-minute walk—and honestly, I LOVED it.

Here’s what made it great:

• *No student debt (or hardly any):* I graduated with a tiny loan and started saving for a car before I even left uni. Some of my friends were surviving on Super Noodles and going into overdrafts halfway through the term. I had warm dinners and the occasional fancy yogurt courtesy of Mum.
• *Actual sleep:* No noisy housemates stumbling in at 3 a.m., no drugged or drunk housemates, no arguments over washing up or food, and no mysterious stains in the shared shower.
• *Still had a social life:* I joined societies, went to pub quizzes, and even went on a uni trip abroad. My friendships weren’t affected at all.
• *Peace of mind:* During exam season, when everyone else was having breakdowns in their halls because of different personal mistakes, I had my own quiet space to revise—and tea that didn’t taste like limescale.

I never felt like I missed out. I had freedom and security, dipping into student life when I wanted and heading home when I’d had enough of the chaos.

The only downside? Explaining to every single person during fresher’s week that yes, I was commuting, no, I didn’t live in halls, and yes, I still knew how to have fun.

So, if anyone is feeling weird or "less than" for staying home—don’t.

It's just choosing a different (and in so many ways, smarter) route through it.

Manchester is a great uni, however it's not the only great uni and she will have to compete to get in, so she'll need a solid backup plan.

I challenge one of your cons for moving away- all her friends staying. Can't guarantee this and she'll have to move at some stage for her career probably. I think it's better not to have the pull of local friends when you're trying to make new uni friends