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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be very anxious about the assisted dying bill?

362 replies

bipbopdo · 22/06/2025 10:45

I’m surprised by how anxious I am about it. I don’t agree with it at all and I’m not sure there will ever be enough safeguards to justify making it legal. As it currently stands, it’s theoretically possible for someone with anorexia to qualify.

It took less than ten years for Canada to expand eligibility well beyond the original criteria. Assisted dying now accounts for one in twenty deaths there. I’m scared that could happen here.

OP posts:
Sayshesheshe · 24/06/2025 15:16

Appreciate that dementia isn’t covered but my grandmother has had dementia for years and for the last 5 has barely existed. Every time she gets a chest infection she gets pumped full of drugs and stays around a bit longer.

the only one benefiting from her life is the care home for the fees. She had spent all her money and there is nothing left now. I never ever want to get to that state, it’s quite horrific.

BIossomtoes · 24/06/2025 16:01

What assurances can you give us, that eventually those with disabilities won’t be forced into AD, as “useless eaters”?

It’s not up to me to give any assurances, the bill is very specific that the choice would only be available to people with capacity and less than six months to live. I expect there are many women who have been coerced into having abortions, should we deny that choice to everyone?

Flippityflops · 24/06/2025 16:23

Having worked in hospitals and seen many patients suffering with ( sometimes out of control) pain - I fully support this so long as safeguards around it .

I will be interested to see if patients can make advanced decisions made whilst they have capacity to do so ( under the Mental Capacity Act ) and if those decisions made at a time of having capacity to do so,will stick should they lose capacity.
for example if a person made a decision during early onset of dementia - if this would be hounoured later down the line ar a time when they then lacked capacity.
for myself I would hope so - but its complex.

TellTaleHeart14 · 24/06/2025 16:27

I fully support assisted dying, in the correct circumstance. Having gone through watching a loved suffering and begging to die, it’s heartbreaking. We don’t let animals suffer but allow humans too, it’s inhumane to me.

CatsArePeople · 24/06/2025 16:43

I'm with OP.
In current atmosphere it will become mandatory in our lifetimes. Even if not officially mandatory - people will be bullied into it. The same like with abortions or covid jabs

BrokeGnome · 24/06/2025 16:49

Not a supporter. I've seen first hand how doctors write off the elderly, preferring not to fix the fixable, preferring to let conditions become unfixable by leaving them; because the person is old. Terrible ageist philosophy exists in the medical fraternity.
I hope the Lords throw it firmly back.

BIossomtoes · 24/06/2025 17:07

BrokeGnome · 24/06/2025 16:49

Not a supporter. I've seen first hand how doctors write off the elderly, preferring not to fix the fixable, preferring to let conditions become unfixable by leaving them; because the person is old. Terrible ageist philosophy exists in the medical fraternity.
I hope the Lords throw it firmly back.

My experience was exactly the opposite - endless prescriptions for antibiotics to address chest infections for a 97 year with dementia. I asked the GP to stop in the end.

Tessiebear2023 · 24/06/2025 18:21

CatsArePeople · 24/06/2025 16:43

I'm with OP.
In current atmosphere it will become mandatory in our lifetimes. Even if not officially mandatory - people will be bullied into it. The same like with abortions or covid jabs

You can't remove free choice because a small minority of people chose to break the law. Sadly people who bully and coerce others exist, and it's society's job to raise awareness, improve safeguarding, and take their power away. It doesn't mean that we should just remove free choice away from the vast majority of others.

You make it sound like abortions, vaccines and assisted dying are being forced upon you, it's the exact opposite. Society has actually never been more free of obligations and expectations, everyone gets to chose. Where exactly are all these mandatory abortions and vaccines happening?

Cherrytree86 · 24/06/2025 20:23

CatsArePeople · 24/06/2025 16:43

I'm with OP.
In current atmosphere it will become mandatory in our lifetimes. Even if not officially mandatory - people will be bullied into it. The same like with abortions or covid jabs

@CatsArePeople

yeah except no one gets forced to have abortions or Covid jabs 🙄

Funnyduck60 · 24/06/2025 22:19

I believe I have a fundamental human right to⁰ die. You probably should speak to someone about your anxiety though.

Jenasaurus · 24/06/2025 22:30

SkiAndTravelTheWorldWithMyDog · 22/06/2025 10:52

My Dad was desperate to die because he was in so much pain and really suffering at the end. It was traumatic for him and for us.

We had to have our dog put to sleep not long after. We couldn't let him suffer.

It's crazy that you can put a dog out of its misery when it all gets too much but you can't help a human have some peace.

I fully support the bill as long as enough checks are made and Doctors can sign it off.

I'm truly sorry for what you went through with your dad—I experienced something very similar with mine. In his final stages, he was in constant pain. I remember him reaching out to hold my hand during the worst of it, grimacing as he waited for the spasms to pass. He had colon cancer that had spread to his bladder, and the permanent catheter he needed would often get blocked, causing him unbearable pain. Earlier in his illness, he told me he hoped I would forgive him if the pain ever became too much. I knew what he meant, and I understood.

My uncle also struggled—he was in the early stages of dementia. Some days were better than others, but he had seen what happened to his mother when she no longer recognized her family. She became frightened, regressing to a childlike state, calling out for her mum. My uncle ultimately took his own life in a way that must have been incredibly difficult for him—and devastating for his daughter, who found him.

Having witnessed both of these experiences, I often think how much more humane it would have been if they had had access to a compassionate, dignified end-of-life option. It saddens me that it wasn’t available to them.

I completely understand the anxiety some people feel about euthanasia, but for me, knowing that such an option exists brings comfort. If I ever find myself in unbearable pain or facing the same fate as my mum, gran, and uncle with Alzheimer’s, I want to know I have the ability to make that choice for myself—with dignity and control.

SapporoBaby · 24/06/2025 23:08

People can kill themselves now so I don’t see why making it legal to do so painlessly while with loved ones makes that idea any worse?

Firefly1987 · 24/06/2025 23:15

@SapporoBaby they don't care about people killing themselves (in fact I've seen many suggesting people do just that) they just think people who aren't terminal will be forced to die when they don't want to. I'm not sure how, people have a very strong survival instinct-and those that are "terrified" it'll happen are the ones vehemently against this bill. Hard to imagine they'd ever be convinced to die even if doctors/family were trying to coerce people. Which of course we have no evidence would even happen.

I honestly think the issue will be the other way round with family unable to let go and trying to convince their loved one to "hang on just a bit longer" but maybe I have more faith in people than the ones apparently convinced their kids will want to off them for their money!

Firefly1987 · 24/06/2025 23:26

BrokeGnome · 24/06/2025 16:49

Not a supporter. I've seen first hand how doctors write off the elderly, preferring not to fix the fixable, preferring to let conditions become unfixable by leaving them; because the person is old. Terrible ageist philosophy exists in the medical fraternity.
I hope the Lords throw it firmly back.

Not my experience at all. They were willing to treat my grandmother even at the age of 97. She just decided not to as it wasn't guaranteed to work.

She also had a DNR put in place-completely her choice, no one suggested it or coerced her into it. After some bad experiences in hospital she decided not to go back there and could not be convinced by the pleading of both a doctor and my mother. The doctor really wanted her to go and get treatment. The elderly and vulnerable know what they want as much as anyone else.

CatsArePeople · 24/06/2025 23:36

Cherrytree86 · 24/06/2025 20:23

@CatsArePeople

yeah except no one gets forced to have abortions or Covid jabs 🙄

Officially no. But bullied big time to "make the right choice"
Can totally see elderly and disabled people railroaded into "not being a burden"

XenoBitch · 24/06/2025 23:41

OntheBorder1 · 24/06/2025 10:07

I would say it is for the benefit of the patient. I certainly would rather be sedated if I was in great distress/pain than just left to get on with it.

Not me. I would rather be dead.

If my dog is at the end of life, I have will her her PTS. Keeping her sedated until she dies... who is that for? She will have no quality of life at all, so it is not for her. For me? To watch an unconscious being lie there until they die.... what for?

Why can we not have the same mercy for people... especially people who are asking for it.

IsthataYes · 24/06/2025 23:42

I think this is very interesting.
I wonder how many people commenting have been in truly horrendous pain for a long time and medics struggling to manage that.
Add that to fear of death hurtling towards you and your loved ones watching you being tortured as if they were in a bare room with a single bare bulb watching you being punched, whipped, your nails being pulled off screaming, broken and in extreme distress. That's how my df died I and he had to endure that pantomime for two weeks

He was afraid, in pain and slowly drowning whilst hungry and thirsty.

I want that to stop immediately now. It's beyond barbaric

OntheBorder1 · 25/06/2025 02:33

CatsArePeople · 24/06/2025 23:36

Officially no. But bullied big time to "make the right choice"
Can totally see elderly and disabled people railroaded into "not being a burden"

I'm not in the UK but I'm pretty sure that this is not going to be available to elderly or disabled people unless they have a terminal illness and only a few months to live.

Such dramatics!

OntheBorder1 · 25/06/2025 02:37

XenoBitch · 24/06/2025 23:41

Not me. I would rather be dead.

If my dog is at the end of life, I have will her her PTS. Keeping her sedated until she dies... who is that for? She will have no quality of life at all, so it is not for her. For me? To watch an unconscious being lie there until they die.... what for?

Why can we not have the same mercy for people... especially people who are asking for it.

I was actually responding to a poster who asked if sedation is for the person dying or their relatives. My late DF was sedated before his death, and I didn't find sitting with him while he was in that state to be as awful as so many seem to think it is.

I live in a country which already has assisted dying, so the option is there if I ever required it.

nouht · 25/06/2025 07:27

CatsArePeople · 24/06/2025 23:36

Officially no. But bullied big time to "make the right choice"
Can totally see elderly and disabled people railroaded into "not being a burden"

MIL currently feels like a burden - no one has made her feel like that - she can do little for herself and feels totally miserable, she is incredibly fed up with living. So, realistically, how do we make this great life that she's supposed to be living happen? She has no interest in anything, won't leave the house - just sits on the sofa waiting to die. She's on antidepressants and is surrounded by a loving family.
I plan to refuse all medication except pain relief to hasten my death if I reach my late 80s, I'm not hanging around for a slow, painful death - modern medicine has a lot to answer for.

LillyPJ · 25/06/2025 08:20

nouht · 25/06/2025 07:27

MIL currently feels like a burden - no one has made her feel like that - she can do little for herself and feels totally miserable, she is incredibly fed up with living. So, realistically, how do we make this great life that she's supposed to be living happen? She has no interest in anything, won't leave the house - just sits on the sofa waiting to die. She's on antidepressants and is surrounded by a loving family.
I plan to refuse all medication except pain relief to hasten my death if I reach my late 80s, I'm not hanging around for a slow, painful death - modern medicine has a lot to answer for.

I agree. I would hate to be a burden. Even if my children insisted that I wasn't, I wouldn't want them to have to feed me, wash me, put me on the toilet, watch me slowly deteriorate or suffer, visit me in some depressing care home or hospital...I'd rather die quickly and let them get on with their lives.

MagpiePi · 25/06/2025 08:29

I totally agree with @LillyPJI
Not to mention that I'd rather my money went to my kids than to a care home.

Vinvertebrate · 25/06/2025 09:11

I agree in principle, but in our crappy NHS (where you’re typically left to languish on a trolley until another patient dies or is discharged to free a bed) the scope for medical coercion is huge. Good palliative care can make a huge difference to quality of life, but I fear the availability of assisted dying reduces the likelihood of that type of care being offered or even funded.

Family coercion is also a risk I suspect - granny won’t want to be a burden, etc.

Cherrytree86 · 25/06/2025 09:27

Vinvertebrate · 25/06/2025 09:11

I agree in principle, but in our crappy NHS (where you’re typically left to languish on a trolley until another patient dies or is discharged to free a bed) the scope for medical coercion is huge. Good palliative care can make a huge difference to quality of life, but I fear the availability of assisted dying reduces the likelihood of that type of care being offered or even funded.

Family coercion is also a risk I suspect - granny won’t want to be a burden, etc.

@Vinvertebrate

who does want to be a burden? By that point your quality of life will be pretty non existent so why should they be forced to go on existing? Because it makes you uncomfortable that they have autonomy over themselves and their life? Nah, not a good enough reason.

Comedycook · 25/06/2025 09:35

LillyPJ · 25/06/2025 08:20

I agree. I would hate to be a burden. Even if my children insisted that I wasn't, I wouldn't want them to have to feed me, wash me, put me on the toilet, watch me slowly deteriorate or suffer, visit me in some depressing care home or hospital...I'd rather die quickly and let them get on with their lives.

Ok that's your life and your family. Now imagine a different family...let's say a greedy grasping adult child in financial difficulty who is desperate to get their hands on their inheritance asap. Can you imagine them telling their terminally ill vulnerable parent, oh you don't want to be a burden to us do you mum? I know you'd hate to have us have to look after you wouldn't you? You know I have so much to cope with already and so on and so on. And by it's very nature coercive, abusive behaviour is often subtle and flies under the radar. This is one potential pitfall I can see.