Am I being overly sensitive?

[Favouritefruits]

My eldest son aged 10 hurt his hand at school on Monday, I took him to A&E whilst my youngest son was at home with his dad. After 6 hours in A&E and multiple attempts to fix his hand the Dr decided he needed surgery under GA on Friday. We left hospital in the early hours of the morning. My Husband got up for work the next day at 5 leaving me to do the school run and look after eldest son.DH works away so wasn’t back till Thursday. I thought this was ok but friends raised eyebrows at DH not cancelling work.

my sons surgery was this morning, I got up at 6 and we were at the hospital for 7. My DH took youngest to school came back off the school run went on a bike ride then left for his brothers house for a bike event and he won’t b back till Monday evening. On his way to the motorway he popped in to be hospital to see son for 5mins (literally 5mins) son was under GA do was very groggy when his dad came. I had to rush to pick youngest up from school then collect eldest from hospital and look after both on my own all weekend which I am more than capable of, non of my family have asked how my son is or if I’m tired I’ve just cracked on.

i bumped into some mums on the school run who were surprised to see me and were shocked at how DH has behaved.

would you expect more from your DH or do you think his lack of empathy is ok? I’m really torn.

It's relatively routine surgery on a limb so I don't think there was any needy for your husband to go as well as you.

If it was major surgery on an organ, I would think differently.

I'm sorry I think he's a selfish manchild. He should be showing more care and concern for your son and you /how you're coping.

@Favouritefruits would depend if it's a regular occurrence, especially if he doesn't generally pull his weight and most importantly if it bothers you?

Your husband should have wanted to be with him.
He is his dad and surgery a big deal at any age.
Have you Force Majeure leave where you are?
Most parents would try to me around on the day of the surgery at least.

Sorry misread, he is gone to a bike event, not work. He is a loser.

Was your son off school in the days between the accident and the surgery? I don’t really see why your friends would think it unacceptable that your DH still went away for work. You were there (it sounds like you don’t work, so I’m assuming you didn’t need to rearrange work? My answer would be very different if you did), and I don’t think it warranted cancelling a work trip.

I guess he was on leave today? No, I don’t really think it’s ok to leave you juggling the school pick up and getting home from the hospital, and not really seeing his son - even though it doesn’t sound serious, I’m sure your son was still nervous.

But if you were fine with the weekend away before, then I think he was fine to still go (once he’d pulled his weight on surgery day).

I’m quite independent and honestly don’t mind when he goes away but it’s how shocked the school mums were it made me a bit upset and I thought ‘yes you’re right he should be here’ I feel sorry for my son because of course he’d like his Dad around but in all honesty if his dad was here he wouldn’t do very much apart from moan.

My DC had a small procedure under general anesthetic. I was terrified. I find it really strange that he seemed to not care at all. I don't think there was anything wrong with him going back to work after the accident but he should have stayed with the DC on Friday so he weren't left alone whilst you did the school run.

I wouldn't have expected him to cancel work, but I'd expect him to cancel pissing off to his brothers early today, when he could have done youngest (coming home) school run & sorted out a few things. I'd have been fine with him still going later this afternoon/ tonight once I was home with eldest from the hospital.

it would also depend how the child would feel? If they weren't that bothered, then fine, but if they'd be really upset I'd expect DH to take that into consideration when deciding whether to still go to the bike event or not

Your husband has just shown you how very little he cares about his children or you. I am fuming on your behalf.

most other parents at hospital had either their partner or another adult with them I did at one point think where’s my someone to help me? But shrugged it off and stopped feeling sorry for myself and concentrated on my child as all he really needed was his mum

I think it was a bit selfish of him. I understand him
having to work as normal during the week but today he should of wanted to be around to support you and be there for his child. It doesn’t matter if it’s ’routine surgery’, his child was under GA and was bound to be nervous about it all.
Your husband should be there to support the family.

I'd expect DH to take on the care of the other child if you were at hospital with one of them and still had school pick up to do. If I'm reading correctly you had to leave your eldest at hospital to pick up your youngest from school? That would be what annoyed me the most. If he was working that would be different but he wasn't.

What annoyed me the most was when he went on a bike ride after the school run this morning ,when he could have come to the hospital to support us.

He said he had to leave before 1 to beat the rush hour traffic

I’m so glad you are reflecting on this. Imagine you had decided to go off for cycle instead of sitting with your child at hospital?

He is meant to be a parent too.

Well of course. We can’t have him slightly inconvenienced by a thing like surgery

This is a massive red flag for him being a selfish, entitled <insert insultofchoice> here. I would never forgive this lack of interest and lack of support. You'd have been better off as a single-parent family in this situation, because other people would havev rallied around.
Typo edits

I get that he may not have been able to take off work, and if you don’t work then that’s definitely ok. But I would have expected him to take full charge of younger one and be available until child is fully round from GA and definitely ok. Ideally not to to bike event until the Saturday if possible.

This is exactly what my ex would have done. All parenting, especially boring inconvenient hospital stuff where they don’t even have decent WiFi or a Starbucks, was my responsibility. If he had anything planned, like a football game to watch on tv, then that was that, he was Busy, end of story.

My partner is the opposite - he’d be bringing in snacks and stuff, taking a turn sitting with his stepson and telling me to go home and rest.

I’m almost embarrassed at the shit I put up with from my ex.

Ignore the first poster. It’s absolutely not normal behaviour for your husband to swan off on a bike ride meaning you need to leave your child in hospital alone in order to go collect your other child and then look after them alone while he galavants around.
Your DH needs an empathy bypass.
But then again there’s no way this is truly new behaviour to you, I’m sure if you really think your husband is a detached half arsed father the rest of the time.
Theres no way in hell my husband would be off driving to see his brother for a bike ride while our child was in hospital.

I think the going to work this week while your son was waiting for surgery was fine, however I cannot imagine DH going off for the weekend on a bike event after being away most of the week when his son had had surgery, on a limb or otherwise! Christ my DH cancelled evening plans when the cat had emergency surgery!

Same here!

Him going to work was totally reasonable, there was just no need to stay home. Bike ride also reasonable, the surgery didn’t need you both clogging up the hospital. But I think he should have cancelled his evening this weekend, his son would appreciate him at home and it’s weird that he didn’t consider cancelling a social weekend away after this week.

I wouldn’t have minded having to go to work. But he shouldn’t have fucked of this weekend with his brother. Didn’t he think your ds might want to see his dad this weekend. Bit of tlc spoil him a bit? Give you a break? Selfish I think.