Am I being overly sensitive?

[Favouritefruits]

My eldest son aged 10 hurt his hand at school on Monday, I took him to A&E whilst my youngest son was at home with his dad. After 6 hours in A&E and multiple attempts to fix his hand the Dr decided he needed surgery under GA on Friday. We left hospital in the early hours of the morning. My Husband got up for work the next day at 5 leaving me to do the school run and look after eldest son.DH works away so wasn’t back till Thursday. I thought this was ok but friends raised eyebrows at DH not cancelling work.

my sons surgery was this morning, I got up at 6 and we were at the hospital for 7. My DH took youngest to school came back off the school run went on a bike ride then left for his brothers house for a bike event and he won’t b back till Monday evening. On his way to the motorway he popped in to be hospital to see son for 5mins (literally 5mins) son was under GA do was very groggy when his dad came. I had to rush to pick youngest up from school then collect eldest from hospital and look after both on my own all weekend which I am more than capable of, non of my family have asked how my son is or if I’m tired I’ve just cracked on.

i bumped into some mums on the school run who were surprised to see me and were shocked at how DH has behaved.

would you expect more from your DH or do you think his lack of empathy is ok? I’m really torn.

Honestly he is behaving a bit like one of your kids- assuming “mum” will take care of everything while he farts around doing what he pleases ??? Is a bike run really a priority today - did he have to go off for the weekend after being away all week? I dunno op

Why on earth would it be reasonable for him to go on a bike ride when the OP had been the only one supporting her son? Dad has had a week of sleep, perhaps OP would like her basic needs met like a nap, a shower or some food before her selfish husband gets to indulge in his hobbies?
Your standards are really in the gutter.

She presumably didn’t want a nap or shower while her child was in surgery… that’s not very hard to understand. When my son broke his arm we didn’t both attend the hospital every time, but we were both supportive at home.

No, you are acting normal.

Which is clearly not the situation here. The DH hasn’t been supportive in a single way, so no bike ride wasn’t reasonable. Him deciding to indulge in a day of his hobby meant his son was alone in hospital while OP left to pick up and care for her other son.
The surgery was finished when the DH “popped in for 5 mins” so he absolutely could have taken over and let OP go and get a coffee or sort herself out considering she had already missed an entire night of sleep that week!
No decent person does that, and not for something as utterly ridiculous as a bike ride. He’s pathetic.

Thank you, you’ve all made me realise I’ve been a bit silly thinking it was all ok and it’s what most people would do!

Being at work is understandable.

Going for a bike ride? Depends. DP is worse than bloody useless in a hospital so it’s easier for the child and for me to do that on my own for a routine surgery. If you are reasonably emotionally robust I expect you weee just fine too.

Buggering off for the weekend to cycle with his brother? Making you leave your child in a ward while you collect the other from school, just to save him some traffic? Not spending time with his son to reassure him following surgery?
No, he’s a selfish, uncaring asshole to do that.

My grandchild has recently had surgery and she was only allowed 1 parent with her!

That’s awful Op and I agree going to work is one thing bills need paying still etc but the fact he’s just buggered off for the whole weekend and left you all after his sons had surgery not fair on you either where’s your rest and time off.

do you get weekends off to do any of your own hobbies while he stays and parents?

Considering OP has literally just been in hospital with her child I’m sure she knows whether or not another parent was allowed or not.

He thought a bike ride was more important than supporting his child, who needed surgery after an accident??? I can see from your updates that the responses of others has helped clarify your views on the matter, but I've got to add to what others have said...your DH's behaviour was unbearably selfish. Not just that he didn't support his children, but he didn't support you either. Is he basically your 3rd child, or is he usually a proper parent and this was an aberration?

You are trying quite hard to twist what I’ve said. I said A BIKE RIDE was reasonable, and that going off longer was NOT. Clearly didn’t say a day of biking was fine. You’ve made it clear you don’t agree with this one small difference, it has been noted.

No, not sensitive. He's lazy, self absorbed and a shit dad. It's worrying that he's broken you down so much that you think it's acceptable. Standards need upping for you and your children

I don’t think he should have cancelled work, but I don’t think he should be away this weekend.

I think if there was an emergency he would have stayed but it was all minor events, except surgery obviously but what could he do there.

The fact that you think this is normal means you must be well used to his selfish behaviour now at this stage.

To do this to your son is really mean.

I can understand why you are suddenly questioning him. this is not ok for him to lump everything on you, and your son deserves better too.

This is bull shit comment!!!

Don't let this posse of school mums get to you. Every relationship operates differently.

Wow, that's pretty selfish behaviour from him. Him being away for work is one thing, but bike riding whilst his son has an op, and then being away for the weekend immediately afterwards, is crap.

I'd assume he doesn't care for either the kids or you, sorry.

My DH is absolutely crap when I'm not well. But, he'll focus on the kids and do everything they need, so I can't really complain if he doesn't visit me in hospital. If he didn't visit me and wasn't looking after the kids either, I'd be furious and probably kick him out.

@Favouritefruits
I’m like you, Motor on.
I’m sure if you asked him to stay with you for moral support he would have.
some snow flakes out there 🤭

@nodramaplz which part is bullshit?!

Exactly this - could you have gone for a bike ride whilst your son had surgery? Your husband sounds very self centred and I’m with the school Mums on this one

This has to be a troll comment.

He’s a fucking selfish cunt!

imagine if it was the other way round and he was in hospital with your child and you just fucked off on a weekend away. If the hospital staff picked up on it they’d probably report you to SS! But because a man does it then it’s fine

No I don’t get weekends off, I’ve never had a night away from my children since they have been born. I’ve kind of forgotten what’s normal and what’s not, being a SAHP I’m used to doing everything but now and again I do feel stuck in a rut and think ‘what about me’

I would of liked my husband here this weekend just to give me a bit of a break, I’ve been up and down with my poorly son three times already tonight so doubt I’m going to get much sleep but I’ll still have to get up at the crack of dawn with my youngest!