Am I being overly sensitive?

[Favouritefruits]

My eldest son aged 10 hurt his hand at school on Monday, I took him to A&E whilst my youngest son was at home with his dad. After 6 hours in A&E and multiple attempts to fix his hand the Dr decided he needed surgery under GA on Friday. We left hospital in the early hours of the morning. My Husband got up for work the next day at 5 leaving me to do the school run and look after eldest son.DH works away so wasn’t back till Thursday. I thought this was ok but friends raised eyebrows at DH not cancelling work.

my sons surgery was this morning, I got up at 6 and we were at the hospital for 7. My DH took youngest to school came back off the school run went on a bike ride then left for his brothers house for a bike event and he won’t b back till Monday evening. On his way to the motorway he popped in to be hospital to see son for 5mins (literally 5mins) son was under GA do was very groggy when his dad came. I had to rush to pick youngest up from school then collect eldest from hospital and look after both on my own all weekend which I am more than capable of, non of my family have asked how my son is or if I’m tired I’ve just cracked on.

i bumped into some mums on the school run who were surprised to see me and were shocked at how DH has behaved.

would you expect more from your DH or do you think his lack of empathy is ok? I’m really torn.

It's not 'normal' to do what he did. He's incredibly selfish and it would seem you've just got used to his selfish behaviour.

He’s just a twat. He can’t help it. It’s your choice to settle for it or not. Grow a pair - he definitely won’t.

I think going to work was fine, but going on a bike ride/to the brothers for the event not ideal, he could have stayed around to help.

You sound super capable and independent. There is no doubt that you could take on both children under these circumstances, but that isn't the point here. The point is that for you son, this is quite a scary and major thing presumably and his dad has just shown him that it matters not one iota that his son is having surgery. He has made your son feel insignificant and that is the big problem here and what will cause real resentment from both you and your children. You get back what you put in, and your husband is putting in next to nothing.

Working away for the week is acceptable - your son was waiting for surgery and there are bills to be paid.

Going off on a bike ride and fucking off for the weekend is not. That needed cancelling so that he was around this weekend to support you/the DC and give you a break. Pissing off to enjoy himself with his brother whilst you've got one kid in hospital and one at home makes him a selfish tosser.

I disagree.

So if your DH had been there all he would have done is moan. But he wasn't there because his bike took precedence over his wife and children.

I bet my last hairgrip that he goes off regularly for bike things, and no doubt has other reasons too for opting out of family life. Yet you have never had the chance to go out or do anything just for you since you had DCs.

OP I hope you reassess not just his behaviour this weekend but your whole relationship. Because you have very much drawn the short straw here. He doesn't sound supportive or engaged, he's all about himself.

Working the week - fine
doing school run Friday morning- helpful

but then he should have come to the hospital and supported his son and not gone anywhere this weekend. He sounds abit selfish

Work is one thing. A bike event is fucking selfish. So his life just goes on as normal while you have extra workload dumped on you whenever? No way man.

You can't be passive. He needs a few swears flung at him about his priorities.

Hope the bairns alright.

What a selfish man! I think you should tell him. You could go through the next 20 years not saying. But actually i'd give him the opportunity to recognise what a prick he is. If still obtuse, move on.

My bare minimum would have been for him to be available to collect the other child from school and care for them until you were both back. There's always a chance something could have gone wrong, there could have been delays, even simple post operative nausea and vomiting could mean that he was delayed in eating and not ready for discharge until late in the day or he might have ended up needing an overnight stay.

Like I said regardless some only allow 1 parent and also depends if wards are busy or not there’s not always room for 2 parents,