To miss the first lockdown?

[TidyOchreReader]

I know it was a tough time for many but I genuinely loved that first lockdown. I think about it all the time. There was something strangely blissful about slowing down, having fewer obligations and just focusing on connecting with people - even though we couldn’t physically see them. And when you did see someone, the gratitude was immense. AIBU to feel nostalgic for that time?

YANBU. You are being honest about your own personal experiences, whilst acknowledging it was a terrible time for others.

Setting aside it being sparked by an infectious disease, which we know killed and caused distress to many, I get what you are trying to say about getting to experience a slower pace of living and appreciating things more. I was talking to another Dad about this at the park earlier, our families came together recently for a BBQ, and we still have a greater appreciation for being able to share food together in person again. I know someone else who regularly says she is craving a ‘lockdown day’ at home, and plans them when off work. I spoke to another Dad at the park after school recently who told me all about his allotment, and how he only had the time to find out about and get it going during lockdown.

I similarly didn’t find the first lockdown hard. I’m a SAHM, spent a lot of time in the garden with my then 18 month old anyway. Actually, it was the only time ever my teacher husband could work from home, eat lunch with us daily, and him physically being in the house meant I could leave and run whilst my son was napping, which was out of the question before. So even though all our groups stopped and I couldn’t see my Mum, we saw my DH more than every before during the day.

I found the second Winter one much worse, as it was often too cold to be outside. I remember the rule changing to acknowledge that 2 adults meeting for a walk can include a toddler. A friend would try to meet me and my then 2 year old for a walk, but it really was too cold. We sat talking through our car windows at a distance, and it felt crazy she couldn’t pop by for even a cup of tea. That was really isolating and lonely.

Moving forwards, can you find ways to simplify your life? Have a day at the weekend which you keep very loose with no set plans, just chill at home together? Re-connect with those you’d like deeper connection with?

My mum actually enjoyed it as she rarely leaves the house, and she kind of enjoyed others being in the same boat.

I would normally hesitate to say it, because I know I was lucky. But yes for me it was a peaceful time, with walks by the river, and time to sit out in it garden and read. The biggest bonus was being able to work from home.

Those of us who found elements of lockdown they preferred can keep them though.

For example, I worked full time in an office in 2020, and was doing 60hr+ weeks. I work 45(ish) now and I’m at home for 90% of the month. Hugely prefer it.

You can slow down, socialise on your own terms, find a job that works better around your preferences.

Lockdown was a factory reset for me. Didn’t like my husband, left him. Didn’t like my job, have a new one.

Keep the bits you liked. If you liked a slower pace, slow down.

Completely agree with this.

I was a midwife on delivery suite, working with colleagues struggling to get enough ppe to protect so we wouldn't, you know, die.

Supporting women having to attend hospital on their own not knowing if partners could be with them at their most vulnerable.

DH in hospitality, both of us still working full time throughout the whole shitshow. No furlough for us, self employed friends losing their businesses. My mum who was our childcare asking for a note in case she got stopped by the police on her way to out house.

Yeah, fucking marvellous it was

I miss how wonderful it was being able to enjoy our local area free of crowds of tourists and traffic, also how good it was for my child being free from school.

I don't miss the fear, the lack of support, or , of course, the tragedy of so many deaths.

No, I wasn’t furloughed. I completely understand that for many, especially working parents, it was an incredibly tough time. I didn’t mean to minimise that at all. I was just sharing how, in my case, the slower pace felt like a reset in some ways.

I get your post OP.

Something terrible had happened to me immediately prior, meaning I had lost my business and income. I'd been prescribed sertraline to help me get through the period and was under a huge amount of stress. Consequently, I don't remember a lot of lockdown. But I do feel, had life been ticking along as normal (for me), I would have enjoyed the pace change too.

What lock down. I worked all the way through it while 5 other members of my family were at home on full pay.

Just feel free to lock yourself down again if you think it was so marvellous.

YABVU. Our current economic problems are mostly due to the enormous costs of lost productivity and paying people to do nothing.

Was so much fun for me.

Got diagnosed with cancer the day before the first lockdown, treatment got held up so I eventually had a stroke, couldn't work and the 80% of my contract that I got took me under the benefit cap for months until they sorted out my DLA and I had 6 kids (no maintenence either of course) no money, was unwell, and struggled like fuck and now have a permanent disability.

Good Times.

This is exactly it, thank you. I really appreciate how you put it. It’s not about ignoring how hard that time was for many people but more about recognising that parts of it did prompt reflection or reset some rhythms. And yes, I’ve been trying to hold onto some of that quiet - slower mornings, more intentional connection. Your last line’s a good reminder.

It’s notable that those who enjoyed lockdown AND can acknowledge it was awful for others are in such a higher proportion to those that hated it and can realise some people enjoyed some parts.

There were so many on here who loved it. They were so stressed at the idea that we might not all be having a fabulous time. That any complaints might lead to politicians deciding to lift it. Which I get if you were high risk, but it was a definite air of “this is all lovely and perfectly fine” to threads at the time.

it was not ok to say you hated it. Or were stressed.

so it’s ok to say you enjoyed it OP, I know lots of people did. They really didn’t want to go back to normal and were very reluctant to hear how bad it was for others.

I hated lockdown. I was lucky enough to be off work (I was a key worker but they wouldn't let me work because I was pregnant and no-one knew the risk to unborn babies). I missed my parents, my friends, the kids were bored and lonely. My SIL lost her dad to Covid. No I don't want to go back to that.
Of course you are lucky it didn't affect you badly but you can't miss something that caused so much heartbreak and suffering to so many people. Unless you are totally lacking in empathy.
Slow down in your life if that's what you want but don't wish for something so hideous

Nope, as an introvert, I bloody loved it.

I found the first lock down positive tbh. I spent longer at home with DS as I was going to return to work (after mat leave) just as Covid hit, so decided to delay it for almost a year. It was lovely spending that extra time together, plus my DH had majorly reduced hours on the same pay so we got to enjoy the garden and go for walks together.

I appreciate that many wouldn't have had this experience and would have had a horrendous time. I would find it much harder if it were to happen now due to having a 1 and 6 year old, so it would be a completely different experience.

It was fine til I got made redundant.

I was absolutely utterly terrified during the first lockdown. I was being treated for stage 4 cancer. My consultant told me repeatedly I would not survive COVID if I caught it (in hindsight this was speculation). I sat in an isolated hospital room watching my father's funeral after not being able to be with him. It was horrendous.

Having said that I don't think yabu at all! Lockdown WAS different for everyone and I totally get the joy of stepping away from the frantic pace.

I liked:

the weather

the peace

work (A&E nurse, enjoy what I do, possibly even more so despite the stress)

homeschooling (worked nights, chose to keep kids off and managed to get dyslexic DS caught up)

time off work no questions asked when DH caught COVID then pneumonia.

having enough food to make healthy if creative meals from store cupboard stuff when I couldn’t go to a shop for 4 weeks due to caring for DH (see above)

I don’t miss:

worrying about DH and my parents.

not qualifying for supermarket delivery when I couldn’t go out.

seeing how it affected people physically and mentally.

DH’s business failing.

While this is an interesting point, lockdown was by its nature horrible and unnatural. Isolating people from their dying loved ones, for example. It was far more negative than positive (and that’s a fact, not an opinion).

I don't suppose the OP was trying to deal with 2 sets of frail elderly parents who desperately needed help but were terrified we'd be arrested if we drove an hour to see them. Or a DS who had previously tried to commit suicide on furlough terrified of losing his job. All the while trying to organise PPE for over 400 bank branches and keeping the website updated 3 times a day with the latest closures due to in branch cases

Some of us were working frontline jobs with a toddler and no childcare, whilst putting our families at risk daily. Sorry you miss doing nothing and cultivating your sour dough starter, but I wouldn't wish it back in a million years. It was absolute hell.