To miss the first lockdown?

[TidyOchreReader]

I know it was a tough time for many but I genuinely loved that first lockdown. I think about it all the time. There was something strangely blissful about slowing down, having fewer obligations and just focusing on connecting with people - even though we couldn’t physically see them. And when you did see someone, the gratitude was immense. AIBU to feel nostalgic for that time?

This comment is spot on

Your post made me feel all the rage I felt at people who said ‘ now we have all learnt to slow down… now we have more time for family’

Fuck off! I was working full time from home with two young children, one of whom had ALN and the school was not giving me differentiated learning for him as they ‘didn’t have time to’. It was utter fucking hell. Slowing down my arse, I have never been more busy, overwhelmed and stressed and desperate. It was awful.

I profoundly disagree.

A good number of people who go through hell are painfully aware that if they are going through hell, statistically so are many many others. Hence campaigns against injustice, community initiatives, charities, anything that demonstrates most people don't want other people either suffering in the first place or being unsupported when they are.

Many people make choices to not facilitate suffering, but at ground level in terms of the way the world works, most are powerless in the face of political manipulation that ensures money and power are protected at all costs.

In terms of the pandemic, despite all the handwringing about "the cost" we saw the biggest transfer of wealth into the hands of the already rich in recent times, and the shuffling of public money into private hands via the mechanism of our government who were also partying behind closed doors.

David traditionally had a chance against Goliath, but Goliath now has Hydra in its genes.

@MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast

It’s like two people visiting the same place, one has a fantastic time, while the other has a terrible experience where everything goes wrong.
Does the person who enjoyed it have to agree that the destination, museum, attraction, or experience was completely awful just because someone else somewhere didn’t have a good time?
People have different experiences of the same reality all the time. You can acknowledge all of them.

No, its much more divisive than that. It's more like someone who was given a Tiffany necklace wearing it to a school full of highly disadvantaged children and then, in a faux naive aw-shucks way going: "gosh I really like this necklace, why is everyone staring at me?".

If I had been taken on an all expenses paid trip to a luxury hotel in a country which was at war, no doubt there would have been some benefits but it would have been pretty bad taste to write an article or start a MN thread about how wonderful it was to not be troubled by any of the natives because they were all off fighting. Of course it's my "right" to do it and no doubt some other spoiled people will have had the same experience and share a weird solidarity around that. But it doesn't mean my perspective carries equal moral weight and if I had any real self-awareness I just wouldn't post about it.

Of course everyone has "different experiences". No one is going to stop people expressing these experiences on a chat board, that's the beauty of living in a democracy. But that doesn't mean we have to give equal validity to those experiences if we think they are self-indulgent and morally bankrupt.

We loved it too. WFH, had lots of space and quality time as a family. It really was bliss living in that bubble. I appreciate that not everyone felt that way.

If they were self-indulgent and morally bankrupt, surely the people who enjoyed Lockdown or aspects of it would be wishing for a return to that state?

So far I don't think anyone has done that. Quite the opposite in fact. There's an acknowledge that no matter how much (some) posters may have enjoyed Lockdown on a personal level, they recognise that many did not, and that it wasn't good for the country as a whole and they wouldn't want it to happen again. For other people's sakes, not their own.

God yes I hate those "time to learn to slow down" posts. So totally lacking in emotional intelligence.

I remember going to a party when the first lockdown ended: it was the first time I'd seen anyone socially other than my daughter for nearly three months and we went to a socially distanced party. And some twat was banging on about how great furlough was and how wonderful it was to "connect" again and to learn how to enjoy nature and his family.

I was on Zoom calls in a bunker of an office more or less around the clock and I nearly throttled him.

Mumsnet really is one of the most peculiar corners of the internet!

we will just have to agree to disagree

@Butchyrestingface

If they were self-indulgent and morally bankrupt, surely the people who enjoyed Lockdown or aspects of it would be wishing for a return to that state?

I think quite a lot of people do wish for that although many of them wouldn't articulate it. And to be fair, not necessarily only people who are morally bankrupt. I can understand how if you have had a lovely time playing in your garden with your kids you might be reluctant to go back to working in an office. Its a perfectly rational position.

Then you get this whole narrative overlaid about how wonderful it was for "introverts" (ie pnot actual introverts but people with social anxiety who decided to identify as "introverts") to not have to deal with other people any more because they couldn't be bothered.

My problems with this are:

a) people not realising that their time being "cosy" and "reconnecting" came in direct contrast to other people whose lives or livelihoods were at risk, whose children were struggling and whose mental health was shot. And also the idea that this "slow pace of life" is something which is open to anyone. It very obviously is not. It was open to people with a unique combination of circumstances in their favour. It's just very lacking in tact.

b) a society where everyone retreats back into their family unit is not a healthy one. Yes there are some benefits to being able to chill and spend quality time with your children. But the COVID experience gave a lot of anxious people the green light to indulge their worst fears and carte blanche to switch off from society, something which I think triggered the epidemic of poor mental health and depleted social skills which we are living through now. (There are other factors, smartphones have also played a major part as have changes in working patterns etc, but this was a key trigger). It's not healthy and its not something which should be celebrated as part of some weird nostalgia by a small group of people who did very well out of lockdowns.

Come on then explain the connection between covid and AI?

I sort of know what you mean OP. If you’re an introvert and find social interaction tiring, at first it was a bit of a novelty, no longer having to make excuses to avoid seeing people/doing things. I recall the first summer was a nice one and it felt like endless, slow days without the rush of commute and life craziness.

But I also know that’s a very privileged position to be in. Many were stuck indoors in cramped accommodation, sometimes with abusive partners. Many were isolated from sick relatives and had the horror of having to say goodbye on video calls. Many, many people struggled with isolation, business loss etc and some have never recovered.

I think it’s ok if you were fortunate enough to have enjoyed the state sanctioned rest but I certainly don’t ’miss it’. I have however found ways to slow down and learned lessons from it.

I wouldnt give so much headspace to the things that get said on MN. Debate things, chat about things etc but it shouldnt be that 5 years later your still so affected by posts on here. Its MN it's not the world.

I remember having to mute my DD's class WhatsApp group because of all the SAHM's or furloughed Mum's posting pics of their smiling DC next to their banana bread and elaborate craft projects, selfies lounging in the garden with a G&T, waxing lyrical about how lovely it was to slow down and have so much quality time with their DC. Meanwhile, DH and I were working in shifts from 5am until midnight trying to juggle manically busy jobs with homeschooling DD and caring for a toddler with SEND. I felt like I was failing my DC because I couldn't give them this magical, blissful lockdown experience that others were apparently having.

Were those Mum's unreasonable to be enjoying themselves when I wasn't? Of course not! They weren't doing anything wrong.

Were they unreasonable to keep posting about what a lovely time they were having on a group with NHS Doctors and Nurses, people who were facing financial ruin, and people who were struggling mentally or losing loved ones? I think so, yes. Others may disagree, but I think it was unnecessary and insensitive.

I feel the same about this thread. Its great that you had such a lovely time in lockdown, OP but I do think that it's tone deaf to start a wistful, navel-gazing thread about how nostalgic you are for lockdown when the grief, the trauma, the financial calamity and the physical and emotional toll is still very raw for so many people.

The first lockdown cured my PND because I no longer had to see or meet the high expectations of the people triggering me. So in that sense, yes I did appreciate that pause on life. I wasn't working though and I had two DC under 5 so no school work to worry about. DH had just started a new job so we just both played our part and things were pretty simple.

Would I do it again, hell no!

Beautifully put. This perfectly sums up how I feel.👏

It's OK to feel what you felt but a dignified and gracious silence on this breathtakingly tactless and deeply unoriginal revelation would cost you nothing and would do those of us who had a miserable time an enormous service.

That sounds really difficult and I don’t blame you for hating it.

but so many including myself relished that time to just live in a bubble for a while. That is my experience and just like yours, you are entitled to feel the way you do.

Accessibility for disabled people isn't a positive to you? Why?

Why should she be silenced for voicing her views and experiences? You don't have to read her thread. She isnt standing on a box outside your house with a loudspeaker.

It was horrific. I had two teens studying from home and completely isolated from their friends.
I would dread having to do the supermarket shop every week, convinced I was going to bring COVID home to us all.
The local do-gooders were taking pictures and videos of us that dared to walk our dogs and posting them on the village FB page with comments about how they had reported us to the police and that we were killing people.
i simply cannot understand how people enjoyed this period and I would NEVER adhere to a lockdown again. It did more harm than good.

Heatwave. People will die, DIE in the heat.
Others will flood MN to complain about the HEAT, how horrendous it is, making their life miserable, how they can't live like this. Twats will kill or injure their animals by leaving them in cars or taking them on hot pavement. And cancer, and global warming, and temperature raising.. the fear of heat. You get the idea.

In that same heatwave, some people will have the best holiday of a lifetime, be on the beach or a beautiful resort.

Same thing. No one is directlyresponsible or making any difference to the heat, some will have a shit time, others will have the best summer of their life.

No rose-tinted glasses, absolutely right to start a thread saying "this weather is glorious, who else is loving their time"?

People have difference experiences. Does it make you feel better if everybody else is miserable? That's ridiculous. Just don't go on threads where people are loving the heat, or remembering how the lockdown was a positive for them!

Their experience is as valid as yours.

I think quite a lot of people do wish for that although many of them wouldn't articulate it.

But what makes you think that people feel that way if they are not articulating it? What evidence do you have?

I wasn't playing with kids in my garden. I didn't have a garden or kids. I wasn't furloughed. I was a self-employed person working crazy hours during Lockdown and living alone with no access to family or a support network. I did see any family or friends for over a year and worried that I would never see the one remaining member (elderly) of my nuclear family again. A friend died during Covid and I couldn't attend the funeral. I was often lonely and felt over-worked and was definitely not rich with a huge garden and oodles of time to bake bread.

Nevertheless, there were aspects of life during the Lockdown that I immensely enjoyed and was surprised by this. My life changed for the better as a result of the Lockdown (as distinct from the pandemic), particularly the new ways of working. But I would not want to return to a Lockdown state because I recognise that for so many people, that time was horrendous. I don't think one person on this thread has said they would ever want to see further Lockdowns.

Even the OP was only referring to the first Lockdown - I think she stated she found subsequent lockdowns oppressive. There IS an acknowledgement that it was not a universally pleasant experience for everyone, far from it. She experiences a wave of nostalgia for the way her life was during that period, she didn't say she wanted more Lockdowns.

Many of my clients say the same thing - and no, it's NOT possible for them to recreate that experience now. The accessibility they so enjoyed for, in many cases, the first time in their lives as disabled people, completely dried up the minute we went back to in-person events. They caught a glimpse of what their lives COULD be like and then it was snatched away from them again.

No.

You keep a dignified and gracious silence on a thread posted by someone grieving a lost relative or a thread started about the mental health damage on your teen or something.

You can absolutely START a thread about something positive for you.

It's astonishing how people try to dictate what others are feeling or have the right to say? Everybody's experience is as valid as yours!

Sorry what do you mean?

Because they're not disabled. They've never experienced life as a disabled person. They couldn't imagine what it's like to be denied access to the normal, everyday things that non-disabled people unthinkingly take for granted their entire lives, and then to have it all snatched away from them again once Lockdown ends.

My Dw is disabled, what was accessible in lockdown that wasn't once it was lifted?