To create a fuss about my son not having access to water today in school

[Icantfeelmyface]

Hello .
My 8 year old son is a bit of a fidgeter, and has difficulty with keeping still . He has a replacement teacher for the past 6 weeks and he has struggled with various issues relating to her " shouting at him all the time " and him feeling picked on everyday no matter what he does .. won't get into the detail but meeting was held and she reassured me that this wasn't the case and she works on praise as well .. .. he told me after the meeting the teacher said in front of the class " why you telling your mum that I'm picking on you "?... Decided to leave things and move on... However today he comes home from school and tells me he had no water the whole day as the teacher said he was fidgeting too much with his bottle and told him to put it away from the table . All the other kids had their bottles on their table . He has said he had a few sips at lunch time and then nothing until after school club at 4 pm 😳
Am I being unreasonable to email the head teacher ?

Hi @Icantfeelmyface ,

Can you have a chat with the SENCO about what 'fidgets' they have available for children that need them?

I have a child that has been offered a fidget toy, there were a range to choose from, they chose a type of magic cube thing, and a doodle pad. Both the fidget and the doodle pad have really helped them, and their teacher. Their concentration levels are much improved. And less random scribbling all over their classwork!

My child's in year 5, and so I've spoken with the Director of SEN at the school my child is likely to end up at for Secondary, and they've kindly advised that any supports (like the fidget, toilet pass, doodle pad) which are established at Primary will automatically be applied at their Secondary, that's just their normal school policy. This has been a great relief.

My child has a dyslexia diagnosis. However they would have been able to access this type of support, even without the dyslexia diagnosis. SEN interventions are based on need, not diagnosis.

If he was thirsty why didn't he have more than a few sips at lunch?
Also did he actually ask for water in the afternoon?

If he was messing around with the water bottle teacher was right to tell him to put it away.

OP honestly if he genuinely can’t sit still and fiddles with his water bottle constantly then I would look at getting him assessed (my DD16 has AuDHD)

The teachers asking your son why he told you what happened is concerning though. It’s sociopathic for a teacher not to think a child will tell their parents what happened in school.

We have a constant stream of kids (secondary) asking to refill their bottles obviously in this weather they ask more as parents are telling them To drink plenty of water. Fair enough but if we let them all individually refill them there would literally be a kid out of class one at a time for the whole class and about 25% of them take the time to go for a stroll, meet a mate who’s also filling their bottles obviously, have a cheeky go on their vape in the toilets etc. they can refill their bottles at 9.55, 10.50-11.10, 12.55 and then lunch at 1 they can also buy flavoured drinks etc. school finishes at 3.15 and they can fill up before they leave.

your son had chance to drink at break and dinner, surely, he wouldn’t have needed to go more than a couple of hours . Not like he was running a marathon or something. Before water bottles in class were a thing children survived!

Are you sure what your son is telling you is 100% accurate? It sounds unlikely that the teacher would make the comment about him telling his mum in front of the class - if so that would be unprofessional.

I would talk to the teacher at pick up about the water bottle. If he had been messing about with it then you need to explain to him that if he wants to use it during lessons he has to be sensible with it or he won’t be allowed it.

As others have said we just got a swig at the water fountain during breaks although times have moved on!

I understand everyone else's position however

You should never restrict access to drinks and food as a punishment

I did between my 25 min break at 1 and leaving at 4 because I was working and I couldn’t leave kids unsupervised whilst I went and chugged 500mls of water. 3 hours is not a long time if you’re not doing hard labour outside. My 3 year old can go that long 😂 pretty sure you would kick off if your a&e nurse said they would be adding ten mins extra between patients so they can refill their water bottles every 15 mins. not sure why this idea of kids and adults needing to suckle on their Stanley’s or Airups every two mins came from, it’s like vaping, an form of oral pacifier

I did die of it once at school but after that I was ok.

Making a child keep their water bottle somewhere other than their desk because they are fiddling and causing a distraction to others is not denying them access to water. There will have been plenty of opportunity for him to drink if he’s wanted to.

If you email the Head they won’t believe you in future if you have a genuine complaint. Do you really think the teacher is trying to punish your son by witholding water?

What is more likely is that he disrupts the class with constant fiddling. I think the lack of attention and behaviour he cannot control if the issue here, not a bullying teacher.

I dunno, I'm on the fence. My son is a fidgeter. It's a bit of an issue. But the school are great about it. They've got him fidget toys and a wobble cushion. When he's getting too fidgety they'll talk to him and ask him what he needs. Sometimes he needs to spin and sometimes he just needs a break. He is being assessed for ASD and ADHD though and I'm certain he will get a diagnosis of one or the other, or both. They wouldn't take his water away I don't think. I think it's important to know whether your child is fidgeting because they are stinking/distressed or if they're fidgeting because they're messing about.

Water bottles weren't even a thing in the 70s. If we went out for the day and wanted to take a drink with us we had to fill up an empty squash bottle. As it was so heavy we didn't bother but most park's had fountains. We didn't get milk at school either as Mrs T took it away.

He was not denied access to water he was asked to keep his bottle elsewhere. Constant fidgeting sounds low level but it is very disruptive to learning in a classroom and all the children have a right to learn. By all means have a word that you understand he can’t have his water bottle in his desk but can he go to it if need be, but seriously don’t complain.

I would then speak to the SENco about his needs to support him as that is the bigger issue here.

Stinking! Bloomin' auto correct. *Stimming.

YANBU of course a child should be able to drink water through the day whenever he feels he needs it in such hot weather.

An incredibly obvious solution to this is to tell your son that he needs to stop messing about with his water bottle if he wants to keep it on his desk. If he can’t manage that then he will need to ask to get a drink when he feels thirsty.

Alternatively, you could email the headteacher but no matter how you word it, it will come across as ‘I think my son should just be allowed to get on with being annoying and disruptive’.

Point we’re making is that no-one was “thirsty all the time”…. Because we had actual glasses of water with meal times. Not a sip here and a sip there which never satisfies your thirst. It’s people never having a proper drink that makes them feel thirsty all the time and need constant access to a water bottle.

The bigger issue is the declaration to the class as that is obviously about humiliation. I would argue unfair and mean to not allow the water on such a hot day in particular.

If I were you, I'd work out why my child is disruptive.

Does he have ND of some sort? Is he just being difficult? Does he have allergies/worns/nits/skin issues/toileting problems?

If you can drill down into WHY the child is disruptive, you can sort that out and rewrite everything

BTW he wasn't denied access to water

@KindLemur no one is talking about refilling a bottle every 15 mins. That's a straw man argument.

It's all well and good if you're used to having big drinks every few hours and not drinking in between. But a lot of children don't do that, so their bodies aren't used to it. Whether or not they should be, I don't know. But I still say that on a hot day like yesterday, children should be able to have easy access to water if they need it. My son is very shy. If he were in this situation and had been told off, I doubt he would feel confident enough to speak up and ask for his bottle back.

YABU. If he’d been thirsty he could have had a proper drink at break or more than “a few sips” at lunch. Children carrying water bottles at school is a pretty recent phenomenon.

This is a good lesson in actions having consequences.

Tell your child that if he doesn’t want his water bottle taken away, he needs to stop fiddling with it and pay attention to the teacher.
Job done.

What a load of nonsense over nothing.

I'm a primary teacher. I drink throughout the day, my children get a drink too. Particularly in hot weather. They ask first and they know not to ask during lesson input.
I think she's been unprofessional asking your child that question at any time, particularly in front of others.
Personally I would make an appointment with the head.
I have many fidgeters. Their access to getting a drink is no different to others.
I treat my children as I hope my children were when they were at school.
Talk it through with the head, I would.

Can't believe this voting.

You are not being unreasonable, he needs access to his water.

And how can you let slide what she said?
Go back and rip one off this woman she is bullying him.

Fidgeting is often a clear sign of adhd btw. Pls talk to the HT about him having a fidget toy or a pilates ball seat to help him stop fidgeting.

There is a huge difference between being sent to bed without any supper and not being in touching distance of your water bottle at all times.
If a child got out their lunch box in the middle of a lesson and started on their sandwiches I think it would be expected to stop them.