To think a large percentage of couples aren't In Love!

[Aquarius1234]

Those that are in relationships that started in the last 5 years.
Would you say your in love with your other half?

Or its just good enough and you get on Okay and didn't have any hangups about getting into a serious/ sexual relationship.
Neither of you had issues that meant it would be difficult to form a proper relationship..

Yeh or also insecurities for those that want to do so much for the other person.
Telling someone you love them multiple times a day/ week is nauseating to me.

Everyone has their own ideas.
100 years ago plus you'd be laughed at for saying your marrying someone for love.

1st h and I split early 80s but he disappeared,so it was 1988, when we divorced.

Would you say it was fate that you met?
Or was it inevitable either way?

@Aquarius1234 I had to say I disagree with your comments. I think as everything couples will differ. We have been together since we were 20 and we are later 30s/early 40s now. I’m still very in love with my husband. Sometimes I feel it’s silly. But it is what it is. I Still ask him to tell me something (no matter how small) I don’t know about him. A fear, a hope whatever comes to mind. Some days I need just need to hold his hand, other days I feel very passionate, others grateful and content and obviously some days I want to strangle him as he makes me repeat myself over and over.

No, I don’t really believe in fate or things being inevitable. We met on an online dating page (and later realised we’d actually met before) and it just felt right.

Im sure both of us could have had happy lives with others if we’d not met - I don’t believe in “the one”. But I’m really happy that we did meet and fall in love.

Met last day of July 2019 married last day of September 2019 and 4 kids later still in love but totally different stronger love for my best friend,soul mate and support. Adore my hubby even more

To quote King Charles, "Whatever in love means"?

And look how that marriage turned out...

I genuinely think a lot of the time it depends whether you have kids or not. Quite a few of my friends don’t and so they seem to direct all of their love and nurturing instincts towards their partners. When you have three kids like I do, most of my caring energy goes towards keeping those three humans alive and making sure they have all the love and security they need. Same for my husband. After 16 years I’m so proud of the family we’ve created. But we’ve only managed it by devoting ourselves to the children. Those who don’t have any have so much more spare time and energy for romance and specially created moments to treasure each other. So I think the ‘in love’ feeling is likely to persist longer. Not to mention that all eggs are in that basket so to speak…whereas if my husband walked out tomorrow I know I’d still have my kids to love and who love me. Plus hopefully grandkids in the years to come. Having said that, the love and respect I have my my husband as a brilliant dad and life partner is huge. We may be less romantic and take each other for granted a bit but when it comes to navigating life’s challenges, we make a great team.

Lovely passage!

Yes, this. Just over 20 years for us

Been with my husband 20 years and love him as much now as ever. The nature of it changes, it's less heady, more mellow. But he's absolutely my love.

Still in love with dh - 26 years, I chose spending time with him over anyone else - my friend who has never been in love thinks it's weird, my sil thinks anyone who doesn't split from a long-term partner is weird. Whatever gets you through.🙄

In love with my husband and have been together since we were very young. We’re obsessed with each other 😅

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Perfect summary. Being "in love" is a combination of sex hormones and a heavy overlay of the romance in our culture. Romance is basically the propaganda that makes mating and marriage sound acceptable, the dressing up of what is basically a biological need.

Love is a combination of compatibility and the conscious desire to maintain your relationship with your loved one by giving them decency, respect, attention and interest. That doesn't mean "working on the marriage" (which is usually a euphemism for flogging a dead horse). It means holding the other person at a level of esteem and consideration and prioritising the bond between you. That is what sustains a relationship after the hormones wear out.

No one can expect to be "in love" beyond the point where the sex hormones fall away, any more than anyone could expect to have "new school nerves" after three or four years at school.

We met nearly 3 years ago OLD. We are both late 40s. It’s not always easy (life isn’t) but I definitely love him and I’m sure he loves me. He is funny, loving, caring and he really looks after me. He can always make me smile.

And definitely this!! Love is about both making the effort all of the time ❤️

"why are, only some relationships more compatible and get on like a house on fire and totally click compared to others.??
Sounds stupid but some relationships are the real deal compared to others that try so hard when they just aren't quite right for each other."

I think it's do with childhood and the patterns laid down in early life.

I'm not sure if know what 'in love" means and how it is different from love.

I've been married close to 30 years and I feel comfortable. Content. I feel very strongly this is the life for me.

Is that love or in love or something else?

Love is an umbrella term for a wide range of quite distinct emotions.

Yes, I think it's a huge problem.
I remember telling someone that attraction can grow, to which she replied that with she agreed, but with online dating she didn't have the time for that. It seems that people are auditioning each other rather than genuinely getting to know each other.

"I'm really not sure how common this is? Do almost all relationships start with a passionate love affair?"

I wonder this myself. I'd say, probably not, but maybe more of the ones that last did?
I'm pretty sure all my ancestors weren't madly in love even in the first years.

Raises an interesting question for couples where one has children, but the other doesn't.

Also, those with children have a common bond joining them together and motivating them to work hard to make things work, something those of us who are childless lack.

Yes same in our household 💕

Very much in love with my DH of 15 years 🥰

This is a truly lovely thread to read. You are all so fortunate to have found your person.