To leave kids in bed whilst I run

[Wanttodobetter]

I’m a single parent to 4 children, youngest 8 and eldest 14. I want to run for 30 mins locally early morning whilst they’re still asleep. 2 have phones and I’ll leave a number of a neighbour. That’s fine right?!

A great learning opportunity. The eldest can learn what s/he needs to do. Perhaps this is phone you if something worrying is happening, or leave the house if it's really serious. At 14 they should be able to judge that.

You'll minimise risk. Nothing in the tumble drier etc. Make a rule of no cooker, no kettle, no shower till you get back. Probably the biggest risk - still tiny tiny - is that you take a tumble and can't get back, but that's so unlikely.

This is what I was trying to get across and I’m quoting you mostly to increase the chance of more mums reading it !

Also a runner - always worked round the kids when they were too young to be left , and sometimes they came with me on their bikes or even running - they will probably be way faster than you - mine were

You exerice when they're up and able to react to a problem should one arise.
Sleeping kids left unattended is never a good plan.

There's an array of devices for HOH or Deaf people.

Such as? Id be interested in seeing this

Btw I do think OP should be fine having her jog, but if it's causing her anxiety or if ExH might weaponise it, then exercising at home is a great option. There are loads of Caroline Girvan HIITS and dumbbell routines on youtube, and Heather Robertson, and and8 fitness, and JustDance... not saying OP has to use those, but they are a great option for a sweaty workout in your living room.

But you said you exercised and looked after your kids, if you're off running when they're awake, you aren't looking after them then either.

For me, the risks are smaller at 6am when they're asleep than at 6pm when they are awake and looking to keep themselves occupied.

All actions have risk, we have to choose the smallest risk based on the information we have.

I’d wait until one was awake. If there was a fire, or emergency, are you confident the 14yo could wake up and organise the others appropriately?

Mine were all deep sleepers, so even as teens we made sure at least one was up before we left the house. As adults, if they are not up, tough, they have to ‘adult’ in an emergency and it’s on them. That’s different to saying ‘oh, well, be it on you’ when they are kids/tweens/teens though.

We’ve been separated for 3 years, divorced for 1. I really don’t think he could drag me in front of a judge for going on a 30 min run with a responsible 14 year old at home. But that said, if the general consensus was it is outrageous and shouldn’t be done, I’d probably rethink.

We’ve been separated for 3 years, divorced for 1. I really don’t think he could drag me in front of a judge for going on a 30 min run with a responsible 14 year old at home. But that said, if the general consensus was it is outrageous and shouldn’t be done, I’d probably rethink.

We've considered this situation for when our children are a little older. We l have an Alexa in the kitchen and although they do not have phones yet they can both already use this to call us which is another thing I'd consider getting for the younger two.

I think totally fine as long as eldest ok to keep an eye on 8 year old if they wake up

This all seems to be based on a 2017 study. I'd like to think that alarm developers in conjunction with the fire service responded to the report and made smoke alarms a lower frequency.

I think this is fine if you arent going running in woods alone, for example. Minimise the risk to yourself as well as them as even if tou fell and broke your ankle for example, you want to be where people are so someone can find you and you can get back to the kids easily.
Also, if thevkids are unlikely to fight or cause an issue. I have an 8 and 11 year old and they are in a wind up phase and I can't leave them alone together right now even in a room without some sort of war erupting.

@Gloriia

i think it’s highly irresponsible of you to have exercised when your kids were up. What if they’d fallen down the stairs?? Or put the cooker on and started a fire? Or run the bath and floored the place?

Make sure you take your phone... the most likely emergency will be you twisting an ankle or forgetting your keys.
Kids will be fine.

It's not outrageous it just not safe. Do it when they're up and awake if you must.

And you've still yet to address anyones concerns about leaving children who you deem to be incapable in some way, alone while they're up and about.

The only risk in life is not sleeping through a fire alarm.

Yeah it’s not always that easy. I work full time, have no support network, kids have clubs after school, there isn’t a lot of free time. I run on the days I’m in the office already. But would like to do a bit more. And then I’d end up having to leave them all later in the day and I’m not sure that’s much better.

I think it’s great you want to do this. I really struggle to prioritise myself at all

Do you mean the alternative is going late at night?

Yes I guess so By the time work and school are finished, clubs, dinner, homework etc it’s going to be later. And then I’d normally be putting the 8 year old to bed, not going out! I’m normally knackered by then too and lose motivation!

Some of the things I wouldn't be happy with a teacher doing which I do all the time:

Letting my child out of school to pop to the shop or park
Bathing my child
Making medical decisions for my child
Buying my child clothes/toys
Making decisions about what my child should eat, or their bedtimes
Being alone in a room with my child
Being undressed around my child

If your 8-14 yos cannot cope with being left alone for 30 minutes, you've failed as a parent.

Depends on the fourteen-year-old, I think. And also being explicit to the younger ones that "K's in charge".

I was looking after younger siblings at that age. But then I was so sensible that it was a family joke.

Fifty years later, I'm still looking forward to some unspecified future time when I'll stop being so sensible.

As long as op is contactable and some ground rules are set around reasonable behaviour, of course leaving a 14 year old and an 8 year old alone for 30 minutes is fine. At that sort of age a degree of independence should be encouraged.

if you are going to do it I wouldn’t do an out and back type run or even a circuit - I would pick a 1 mile route from the front door and do it 3 times - you could be back very quickly then if needed