To leave kids in bed whilst I run

[Wanttodobetter]

I’m a single parent to 4 children, youngest 8 and eldest 14. I want to run for 30 mins locally early morning whilst they’re still asleep. 2 have phones and I’ll leave a number of a neighbour. That’s fine right?!

I think it's fine.

I actually think a sensible 8 year old is fine to be left for 30 mins even without the 14 year old

That sounds ok. You mention you'll leave the number of a neighbour - presumably you'll bring your phone with you too? Worth doing that whether or not you have children at home.

Are you mad! What happens if there was a fire, your children would most likely not survive! A family friend’s house caught fire at the weekend, the fire brigade said if they had been asleep they’d all have most likely died! Do you run when they are awake! Anyone who tells you it’s ok is truly deluded.

Because otherwise they may not wake up easily in case something happens and IMO an 8yo is too young to be left to wake up alone.

Depends how early (earlier the better so they’re all asleep) and how old the two middle children are. The 14 year old might be annoyed if 2-3 of their siblings are primary age.

It’s not easy to do my run when they’re awake. They have to get to school and I have to get to work.

And what is OP is in the house with them? Where's the guarantee that shed wake up if there was a fire?

It’s fine. And as another poster has said, given it’s only a 30 min run you will never be more than 15 mins away.

I would make sure that they know that’s what you plan to do

and leave a note in the kitchen

8 is quite young and might get very scared so ideally am at home workout would be better - skipping in the garden for example - could you do something like that ?

Ok let’s be honest it’s the morning and you have a 14 year old. He is not going to be responsible for the younger kids at that time in the morning if he’s like a usual sleep deprived teen.

I generally think aswell that you know your children best. But I wonder that as you have asked this question is there something that you are particularly concerned about that you have not shared?

In case something happans and at least someone is awake. Just an extra precaution. Everyone on here saying its fine its fine but its always fine till its not and then ppl soon change their tune about kids being left alone if something terrible happens and the bad mouthing and judgement starts.

I think I’d loop twice so I passed the house every 10 mins. I’d be totally relaxed about it if they were awake but I get twitchy leaving sleeping children. Am sure my children could cope with most things if they were awake but they are groggy when they wake up and I’m not sure they’d be capable if something did happen. Am assuming you’ve prepped all of them about what to do in case xyz etc?

That's ridiculous. Completely over the top.

I’m not particularly concerned about anything, I trust all of my children and the elder 2 are responsible. I have a difficult ex-husband who is likely to use it against me. I just wondered what the general consensus is as it’s not something I have done before but equally, now they’re all older, it would be nice to squeeze in a bit of time to exercise.

I think that's fine if they all know and they're happy. My ds has been getting his own breakfast since he was 8, if they wake they can start slowly sorting themselves out. 14yo is plenty old enough to be in charge for 10 minutes.

Mine appreciate the responsibility, we lay out the rules - no oven, don't open the door, stay inside etc. I often walk the dog leaving 9 and 11yo for 30 mins. They're always fine. It baffles me that people expect secondary children to get themselves to school on the bus and home again with all the potential problem solving that entails but act horrified at giving them the chance to test themselves in the safe home environment.

Re the fire risk, as long as you have working smoke alarms and both the front and back doors can be opened from the inside without needing to find a key I think that’s fine. They’re not teeny tiny and should be able to get out fine if they need to. And the risk is tiny. Maybe don’t put a tumble dryer or washing machine on just before you go to reduce it even further.

Just to say, I have left the 8 year old with the 14 year old during the day before for short periods and it’s always been fine.

I would say okay if 14 year old is fully onboard and knows what to do / who to call if a problem arises. No 14 year olds are quite the same, some are very sensible and some need help themselves. You will be the best judge of this.

The issue with leaving children unsupervised is not only what can happen to them when you are away but what can happen to you (God forbid) and no-one knows that they are alone. However at 14 should know who to call, etc.

I am the child of a lone parent, so I was "parentified" to some degree. I would say that there is a balance between putting too much parental responsibility on your children (which is negative) and allowing your children to learn and deal with adversity and situations as they arise (which is a positive).

I would recommend training your kids, what to do in situation x, y, or z. My children are older, but I never leave without checking that they know how to call for help, where are the keys, etc.

I’m sure the fire risk is very small. I don’t smoke, no candles, no electrical devices / cooking at 5am, my electrics are good etc, we have multiple smoke alarms, all doors and windows are accessible from the inside.

A 14 year old will just go back to sleep like nothing happened.

an 8 yo should be perfectly capable of waking up 'on their own' but they're not 'on their own' anyway, siblings are in the house.

honestly. It shouldn't be a big deal even if the 8 yo was on their own.

Lapping twice might be a good idea.
re fires-I’m sure there is some research to say that kids don’t wake up to fire alarms like adults do so if you wanted to be extra cautious you could do trial run with the 14 year old.

Great reply, thank you. I’ll make sure their phones are charged and all emergency contacts are in an obvious place. I honestly can’t imagine any of them getting up whilst I’m gone, the 14 year old is normally first up (after me) at 6.30am.

It's not the OP that's mad.

🙄

do you have someone sit awake all night 'in case something happens'?

Are you usually this alarmist? Can you give us an age at which it is ok to ever leave your children alone? 16, 18, older still?

Weighing up risk, giving teenagers the tools to move gradually and safely into independence is part of successful parenting. Presumably the op has a smoke alarm and she’s emphasised the measures she’s putting in place to communicate. Your reaction is over the top.