To leave kids in bed whilst I run

[Wanttodobetter]

I’m a single parent to 4 children, youngest 8 and eldest 14. I want to run for 30 mins locally early morning whilst they’re still asleep. 2 have phones and I’ll leave a number of a neighbour. That’s fine right?!

How is a sleeping teenager not a responsible person? Surely you'd let a 14 year old look after an 8 year old in the day? Take them to the park? Christ, I was babysitting toddlers at 14.

OP knows her child, I'm sure they're not a teenage reprobate and are reasonably sensible, or she wouldn't be considering doing this. Children need a bit of responsibility in their teens, it's good for them.

genuine question, how do you make sure YOU are always awake when your kids are? By the time they're 8, sometimes mine wake up before me. They are told to let me and the rest of the house sleep.

What kind of issues would your 8yo get into at 6.30 in the morning? Worst case mine would be delighted to be able put the TV and help himself to chocolate milk without being told it's too early.

I leave mine every morning to walk the dog at 5.30 before work; they are 8, 12 and 16. Some 16 year olds have their own kids! My 8 year old is super sensible and is normally dressed and having breakfast when I get home (his twin is less sensible but he’s always fast asleep!). Honestly, it’s fine.

Unless you have a pyromaniac or amateur plumber among their number, they should be OK.

It was not something I felt I could do as we lived in a block of flats and the fire risk was on my mind, but in retrospect that was my anxiety talking. I wish I had alerted the eldest and simply gone. A few mornings a week, it's your health, it is important

I think it’s probably fine BUT maybe I am unlucky but I have had a few mishaps including once when I left a teenager in bed to give someone a lift and got locked out and they had gone to sleep and I rang and rang and banged on the windows and they wouldn’t wake up. I was stuck outside for hours and had to climb over the neighbour’s back fence to get in the back way.

The other time I got locked out in the garden while I had chips in the oven on gas mark 8. Fortunately the children were in the garden with me.

The other time I left my 11 year old (year 6) in the house for twenty minutes while I took my younger dc to a club. The next day they told the school I had left them and they were scared. I had a visit from social services and I was told I had to get a babysitter and never leave them again. True story.

So these days I always think of worst case scenario. If you have got a sensible 14 year old I would consider it and also the other children would have to be extremely sensible too. (Mine never were.)

Make sure they know a plan if, hope not, you had an accident and were delayed or taken to hospital.

I think this is a good idea

I don't think that is a true story.

This ! The thing most likely to save your life in the case of a fire is a working smoke alarm .

Also to add, I became a single parent in lockdown and my view of what might be acceptable significantly shifted with necessity. Appreciate that a run isn't necessity, but children are a lot more capable than many people (including myself prior to being on my own) give them credit for.

Obviously it depends on your individual children, for me I know the most mine would do would be to drag their duvet into the lounge to watch TV

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I read some of the responses on here and think I live in an alternate universe. In reality, life happens and teenagers spend small amounts of time being alone and yet most of them survive.

The level of alarmism and over thinking on here goes some way to explaining the increasing anxiety amongst teenagers and young adults.

i was a helicopter parent to my eldest son and he struggled hugely when he went to uni, unaccustomed to independent thinking and problem solving. I haven’t made the same mistake with my younger 2 and I can see a real difference in their confidence. Allowing children to take on appropriate levels of responsibility is enabling and demonstrates that you have trust in their decision making.

I think the most likely way this goes wrong is the youngest has a minor problem, can't rouse the sleeping teen and gets a bit scared. Take a phone, and leave it so that even the youngest can ring you themselves if need be. If they are old enough to be left with a sleeping sibling they are old enough to use the phone themselves.

This is a good question.

I would think so as one is fourteen. It's not as if you will be out for long.

14 is old enough to babysit and 8 is old enough to look after themselves for a short time so as long as they are all sensible and know what to do in an (unlikely) emergency I think it's fine.

It'll probably be fine but equally you could just do a work-out in the house. Plenty of good ones on YouTube and with headphones on no one would get woken up. More effective exercise too than just running. Worth considering if exercise is the aim and the ex could be an issue, along with the other potential risks.

That changes it somewhat. If the ex-husband would use it against you, I wouldn’t do it. “But Mumsnet said” isn’t a great defence in front of a judge.

@merrymelody

eh?? Why??

It's fine for a 14yo to babysit for 30 minutes and it's fine for a babysitter to sleep while the other children are sleeping.

The only thing I would do is make sure all the children are aware of the situation.

I used to babysit when I was that age. If your 14 year old is a functioning human being you'll be fine.

And yet… sometimes things don’t go the way you expect them to. When I was little someone who knew when my mum was out took advantage and…I am not going to go into details.

people who urge caution usually do so based on their own lived experience. We hope that what happened to us never happens to you, but we just want to let you know that things can sometimes go wrong. Take reasonable precautions then let go and enjoy your life. These things happen to ordinary people like you and me.

I don't think going out running is an issue if you have sensible kids, but if your ex-husband is going to use this to cause trouble, I wouldn't do it. Can you set yourself up a home gym in your house? I just got a treadmill off FB marketplace for £50 and I have some hand weights and a weight bench so I'm all set for a lot less than the cost of a gym membership!

@AnonymousBleep

running on a treadmill just isn’t the same! You don’t get the fresh air, the nature, change of scene etc. there is no good reason as to why she can’t do this