Life-a boring, monotonous HELL

[Glittercloud17]

My life has become a living monotonous hell! I used to enjoy my life. I used to Leave the house, have friends I’d call up and go to the pub/gym/library/shop with, I used to have boyfriends/girlfriends, sparkly dresses, a brain that wasn’t tied up in knots due to stresses and responsibilities.

Now I have a child, a mortgage, I’m a single mum, no network left behind as everyone is perimenopausal and acting weird, no family who lives close by, and I am in this drudgery of work-school-sofa (watching my child in the evenings) especially in the week. It is so mind-numbing, mindlessly and utterly boring, I am so frustrated. It’s been 8 years of this hell.

How do I get out of this rut?

Please no one say ‘just get out there’. I have! a million times. And now the sheer hell of battling my child to leave the house and listen to another moan or whine from Their mouth, I just want to jump in front of a 🚌 (not literally).

how can you make life more exciting when you’re stuck at home all day everyday??

I did get back out there, joined a woman's group monthly, joined the gym, paying for childcare, not letting things hold he back as a single mum. I am now giving that up as it's so hard, I am exhausted, I can't do it all, working, friends, kids. I'm crawling back into just childcare and work and that is really hard to accept.

I'm a single parent too OP. Does your child's dad take them for any period of time? I get one night a week to myself. If I'm not doing chores or in bed (work exhausts me) I'll make a point of meeting up with friend to go to the cinema or pub or just something gets me out of the house.

When I'm in the house, I practice my bass guitar.

It won't be forever - it does get easier, much easier, hang in there. There is light at the other side.

No. We haven’t seen the deadbeat in years.

Honestly I feel you. This is why I only have 1 child. I can't go through the utter boredom again! What time do they go to bed ?

I get it! My DH used to work nights (6-6) and I had these endlessly boring evenings.

Does your child do any extracurricular activities?
That could give you some time to go gym or just have a chat with the other parents.
One of my DC did martial arts and that had a lovely community- I'm still friends with some of the mums (DC is 21 and does other things.)

Oh I hear you!

I'm guessing they are 8 and dad is out of the picture? Are there any extended family who would look after your kid so you can do a regular hobby?

If not, there are ways of carving out time with wraparound clubs and after-school activities (at 8 drama clubs are good if they aren't a sporty type).

It's important for you to get some proper downtime, I've found running clubs and going swimming regularly a really good way of getting non work adult conversation.

Can you do other things at home than slump on the sofa? Craft, a puzzle, cooking, even reading is better than just mindless binge watching..you feel you e accomplished something. Exercise videos, yoga, gardening if you have one. Doing that kind of thing makes me feel I've invested some time and effort into me after work and single parenting all day for other people. Mine are teens now so I go out and leave them and it is miles easier. You have to give yourself a bit of a kick though.

From 9 I found that mine were happy to stay at home while I went out on short, local errands and it built up quite quickly from there. At 10 they were happy for about 90 mins which meant that I could fit in small things like going for run. From secondary age they've been happy with a few hours into the evening (back around 9pm ish)

The start of the independence stage is approaching in the not-to-distant future. It's very liberating!

Oh and I listen to R4 and podcasts for "adult conversation" so I don't feel like my brain is mush.

And I do agree the gym is amazing! Mine give a UC discount so it's only £25 a month and gives me that headspace. I go when the kids are at school once a week.

If she’s already 8 then you’re nearly there! You’ll both get a bit more freedom in the next couple of years. You’ve got to make the most of where you are now otherwise yes, you will be miserable for the next few years.

I’m sorry you’re having a bad time, OP.
Can you find any friendly group that has online meetings?
Also, books take me out of the gloom. If you join your local library you can borrow books free of charge, and you can read them online through apps such as Libby.

I hope you find something to help. The lowest times of my life seemed to go on forever while I lived through them, but life did eventually improve immensely.

Start with the weekend… what do you do and plan?

Reading these responses, I’ve remembered that exercise helped enormously! Even just dancing about to music, online classes or music videos, anything that’s lively.

I really feel for you. This is a bit random but just a thought! It’s a free online course at Yale that’s been very popular by Laurie Santos
The Science of Wellbeing

I know it’s hard and you will probably roll your eyes when you read this. Lots of advice above so I won’t repeat it.

I believe that when we think negative it’s so easy to see the negative. It’s just how our brains our hardwired.

Could you set a challenge that for the next week, can you find 3 positive things about that day. It doesn’t have to be major things, I’m talking little things. It really helps me get out a funk, like that guy that smiled and held the door open or when my child ran and gave me the best hug.

Then when you think more positive I think you are more open to change. Otherwise it’s constant negativity chat in your head.

Could you find another single mum nearby with a similar aged daughter and do childcare swaps? Like one evening a month, so you get to have some “me” time and have something to look forward to?

Sleepovers are on the horizon! Keep the faith!

Have you thought about dating apps? I was exactly where you were, but with a partner too. We were dying of bordom and didn’t know what to do. I ended up, in frustration joining an app and I met some lovely people on there, they opened up our world a bit into something a bit more niche and now we have plans every other weekend, and we have never been happier!

Am at home a lot due to disabled son and chronic pain. I read (library books) do crosswords, watch quiz shows, paint by numbers and embroidery . I also tend to have a box set on the go too (currently Ginny and Georgia) I do yoga or Pilates every day, weight lifting 3x a week, go swiming and meditate once a day.

also, could the child’s father take them for some time, then you’d have some time to yourself

Oh yes and podcasts, parenting hell is funny and so is shagged married annoyed

This is great but remember not everyone has been taught embroidery or crosswords. And certainly not everyone has a home gym or home swimming pool

I feel for you. Is it likely youll feel this all the more over summer holidays?

As PP say, v important you carve out your own time.

Is there a way to make the mundane more fun eg dinners are taco night and we are going to watch encanto and make silly hats? Are there any activities / crafts / watching or doing sports, that you and DC can build as a hobby together?