Leaving job after 3 weeks - feel like a failure

[Happyfeet82]

I started a new job three weeks ago and and it’s been a huge shock. It’s a very small company (fewer than 10 people), extremely fast-paced, and the culture is really not what I expected. My manager (who is the MD) is quite hostile and I don’t even have a proper desk, they’ve put me in a separate room because they didn’t have space for me, which just makes me feel even more isolated.

Since starting, my mental health has taken a real hit. I’ve cried almost every night, feel constantly anxious, and wake up dreading going in. I’ve had jobs with pressure before, but this is different , it just doesn’t feel right on any level.
I’ve spoken to my family (I live at home, mid 20s) and they’re incredibly supportive of me leaving. I’ve also got a second-round interview lined up next week for another role that feels like a much better fit.

But I can’t shake the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and failure. I feel like I’ve let myself down by getting into this situation. I don't know how to break the news to my manager that I can't continue.

I’m trying to remind myself that no job is worth sacrificing your mental health, but it’s hard not to feel defeated.

Sorry, OP. Your question was "How do I break it to my boss?" and I didn't answer that, so ...

"I've decided to move on and allow you to find someone more suitable for this position. Thank you for the opportunity. It has been a useful experience for me. I'd like to finish on Friday at close of business, so let me know about tasks you'd like me to complete by then."

If they ask you "Why don't you like the job?" you can say "I think this position would be suited to someone who prefers to work alone, away from the other staff. I wish you all the best in finding the right person." Be gracious but avoid being drawn into further discussion. "I'd like to leave the discussion here, thanks."

I worked in a job for four weeks before leaving. To be honest, it was clear to me after two weeks that the job wasn’t for me. I should have left then.

Just leave and chalk it up to experience.

Don’t feel like a failure . My work does this to people and it is not their fault at all. It is the way some of management behave. We have got through countless staff. The worst bully has now been given the push and the culture is changing for the better but I’m not sure the once thriving business will ever recover from this phase.

This is what probation periods are for - they work two way. Unfortunately a lot of people are not in the financial position to allow it to work two days but you are.

Successful people know when to stay and when to go. You are definitely not a failure. Hope you get the next job.

No shame in leaving. But have you talked to your manager about how it’s going? You’ll feel better about leaving if you’re sure the situation is a lost cause. Which it does sound as if it is. But you don’t want to be second guessing yourself in the future.

Oh @Happyfeet82 jobs, men, shoes - sometimes they just aren't comfy and when they aren't, you should never persevere. The job doesn't suit you and doesn't make you happy. It's the job, not you. Just move on. Temp if you have to.

How you break it to your manager is really easy OP. Send an email.

Dear xxx,

Many thanks for the opportunity to work here, I have learnt so much over the last few weeks but decided this isn’t the role for me. Please take this as my resignation, I would prefer to leave at the end of this week which will provide ample time for me to handover.

Simple. And OP, just do it, I am really senior and run teams and I always admire people that say nope, this is not for me.

I’m sorry you’re feeling low OP. But a job that causes a person to cry is not a job to have. And the fact you have been in tears is because your gut is telling you this is very much not ok. Leave with your head held high. Good luck.

If you’re looking elsewhere and have got interviews lined up you’re doing the right thing. Some jobs just don’t work out. There’s no shame in this. Just move on when the right opportunity comes up.

Disagree about email notice.
Best to talk f2f
All the best OP

Sometimes it doesn’t work out. You can clearly say in future interview etc it wasn’t what was advertised and leave it at that. No shame in leaving at all.

I wonder if you’ve missed the chance to get or lobby for the basics - ‘you hired me so where’s my proper desk’ - or adapt to a different way of working (within reason!). But you know yourself if that wouldn’t be worth it or not and the fact you’re interviewing says you’ve made up your mind and have got options. good luck!

I'm a lot older than you.
I went to one job and I knew within a week it was wrong. Toxic culture. I made myself stay for a year.
Don't do that!

Echoing everyone else - this isn't working out and it is them rather than you. If you are living with family and they are willing to support you with any small gap through jobs then hand your notice in and go - you will hopefully have a very short notice period.
Just prepare a brief factual explanation - you don't feel that the role/organisation is a good fit

• the induction you have had hasn't equipped you to carry out the role to the level you would want to
• the physical separation in the office has contributed to a lack of integrating you fully into the organisation

Good luck with the 2nd interview you have planned.

I worked at an organisation once that would hire bright, young ambitious people without really having figured out what their role would be and without having any induction or training. They were just thrown in, expected to get on with it and told very strongly when they were failing but without any constructive support to meet expectations. It was horrible to see how this shattered the confidence of 20-somethings who had previously been seen as full of potential.

Thank you all so much for your kind and supportive replies, they really gave me the push I needed to do what’s right for me.

I handed in my notice today, face-to-face. I actually burst into tears while explaining things, but I just said it wasn’t the right fit. I’ll be working a week’s notice, but I already feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really appreciate the encouragement. It made such a difference.

Onwards and upwards @Happyfeet82!

You’re the opposite of a failure.

it takes guts to admit you made a mistake and something isn’t for you and to leave so soon.

That weight lifting off your shoulders is your confirmation that you’ve done the right thing. Good for you, and good luck finding something much better.

I’m sure you’ve done the right thing. You never really know what a job is going to be like until you’re there doing it. I had a similar experience where I pretty much knew from the first week I’d made a mistake taking the job. I managed to last 6 months but every day was hell and I was a nervous wreck. Hope your other interview goes well.

I feel for you OP, because I recognise these kinds of reactions in myself, but what we have to keep going back to is ...

Would it be 'success' to be miserable at work every single day? If that's success they can keep it.

I think some job adverts are very vague or poorly cobbled together that this must happen all the time.

The MD actually responded quite kindly (maybe because I was so overly emotional) and even sent me home early. She did try to persuade me to stay, but I was quite firm in my decision, I know in my heart that leaving is the right thing to do.

That said, the feeling of embarrassment hasn’t really shifted. I’ve got to go back next week to work my notice and I’m really dreading facing my colleagues. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable, and I honestly wish I could just be done with it already

You don’t HAVE to go back in next week, you have been there 3 weeks I would say it’s perfectly reasonable considering your reasons for resigning to inform them that returning is not in yours or their best interest !

When you know you know and you've trusted your gut which is a really good thing. I think that within a fortnight you know if the job is right. I've left jobs on the basis of my gut feeling and it hasn't damaged my career. You are not a failure.

You don't have to work your notice. Perhaps explain that it doesn't serve the company's best interests to do so?

Failure would be to stay there and make your life miserable. Look after yourself and find another job that's a better fit.