Leaving job after 3 weeks - feel like a failure

[Happyfeet82]

I started a new job three weeks ago and and it’s been a huge shock. It’s a very small company (fewer than 10 people), extremely fast-paced, and the culture is really not what I expected. My manager (who is the MD) is quite hostile and I don’t even have a proper desk, they’ve put me in a separate room because they didn’t have space for me, which just makes me feel even more isolated.

Since starting, my mental health has taken a real hit. I’ve cried almost every night, feel constantly anxious, and wake up dreading going in. I’ve had jobs with pressure before, but this is different , it just doesn’t feel right on any level.
I’ve spoken to my family (I live at home, mid 20s) and they’re incredibly supportive of me leaving. I’ve also got a second-round interview lined up next week for another role that feels like a much better fit.

But I can’t shake the feelings of shame, embarrassment, and failure. I feel like I’ve let myself down by getting into this situation. I don't know how to break the news to my manager that I can't continue.

I’m trying to remind myself that no job is worth sacrificing your mental health, but it’s hard not to feel defeated.

Trust me when I say this, one day you will look back on this and be glad you had this experience, because you will have learned about 100 lessons.

I'm now a Chief Exec and run a business but earlier in my career I took a job I thought would be great and it wasn't. One day the boss pulled me into a room and effectively told me it wasn't working out and if I didn't quit they'd fire me. I was heartbroken and embarrassed.

But I learned not everyone can do every job, I learned resilience, better understood my own skills, better understood the job I wanted to go for. And now I lead an organisation myself, I can spot when someone in my team isn't going to work out, I know how to handle it, I have empathy. Honestly, I'm glad it happened to me. Am I scarred from it? Not at all.... nothing to be ashamed of, it's not for you so you move on. You'll feel so much better once you're out. Good luck.

It's a much braver decision to accept it's not working out and leave. You're a much stronger person than you think for doing this. Well done and congratulations in advance on the awesome job you're going to get next!

I wish i’d done this, but let go at 6 months asnI just didn’t fit in. I knew from early on, like day 3 but ignored it but by week 3 I knew for sure burnley stuck/obligated etc.

It takes bravery and strength to say this is not for me and to do something about it. This is your one life, you need to do what is right for you..definitely not embarrassing, it’s inspiring.

The strongest thing to do is to know it isn't right and to leave and find something more suited. I wish I left my job years ago rather then putting up with it and ended up needing therapy!

I handed my notice in three weeks after starting a new job. It sent me into an anxious state form day 1. Fortunately I was able to go back to my old role although obviously a little embarrassing but have never regretted it.

Have you resigned ? You will feel so much better when you have. Let all those negative feelings pass. Then look to getting a better job! For you x we’ve all been there ! (Well I have)

Leave leave leave!!!!

Your gut has reacted for a reason. It's something I try to teach my teenage kids that sometimes you end up in horrible job situations and if you do , get out quick.
A couple of times ive had a reaction to a job like that and stuck it out for far too long.
It is different if every job makes you feel that way but if this is a new experience for you just leave. Some really toxic work environments around

I was you in my third job. I decided to stick it out. Big mistake. Huge.

Cut your losses and get out while it’s easy.

I've been there and done that. Find another job, some jobs are just vile and not worth having, you'll be pleased you left in the long run. It is not a personal failing to leave a shitty job. Good luck and try not to be too hard on yourself

Leave. As much as there’s the saying you ‘have to give it time’ …..DONT! Your clearly miserable already, just leave x

You have nothing to be ashamed of.you showed great strength in leaving.
smile and move on...

So glad to hear your family is being supportive. You gave it a shot and can walk away with head held high. Nothing is more important than your mental health and this place does not seem like a good fit. Put it down to experience and move onwards and upwards.

I left a job after three weeks at a similar age. Like you I just knew as soon as I started that it wasn’t right. Years later and I don’t even think of it or put it on my CV 😅 - it’s just kind of ‘Oh yeah I did that once’. Move on, be happy

An alternative perspective here-would you wait until you have a new job?

Otherwise you’ll be eating into your savings until you do. I quit a job at a similar age after a few months but had another one lined up.

Good for you. If it's really that bad, you won't regret leaving. I've done this twice. First time I stuck it out for nearly 2 years and was utterly miserable, my mental health and confidence was at rock bottom, I had no friends at work and hated it. Finally left a week before Christmas and the relief was enormous. Second time I walked out the day I started! I knew it was wrong straight away.
Hold your head up high and do what's right for you.
I've been in my current job 21 years and still love it.

@Longsleepneeded My concern has always been paying the bills while I job-hunted. It’s scary being out of work!

Don't worry about it.

Just let them know it isn't working for you. Give any notice you are required to and walk away.

I once started a new job. Wednesday of my first week. I picked up my handbag and walked out the door. It was utter bullshit nonsense and there is no way I am wasting my time on that.

It will be OK. Walk away.

I left after 3 days. Just never went back. No tegrets.

The responses are interesting because there’s another active thread titled “Adult Son wants to quit job” (also in his 20’s) and everyone’s saying that he shouldn’t!

It's not on you. I had a series of rubbish jobs, including a couple where there were outright abusive to staff (always family run businesses). I did feel like a failure.

Until I found my place in a large organisation where my work was recognised, promotions, respect... Eventually I left as it turned rubbish too (a uni).

if it's really affecting you, walk away. If not, just start applying for new jobs. One of the best staff members I helped hire walked into the interview and admitted she'd left her last workplace because of toxic bullying so was unemployed. I can tell the issue wasn't her! Brilliant.

You're anxious, you're sleepless, you're crying. Don't internalise this any more; you know what you have to do. Call time. In your mid 20s you have lots of prospects ahead, so go and explore them. You are allowed to look around and see what roles and workplaces might suit you.
Some bosses are utterly shitful at their job. But that's not on you. It's just a brief experience that you can learn from, as one day you might be a manager and you will endeavour to do things differently.
I'm in my 50s and work freelance, but three years ago I took an office job to gain experience in the government sector. It was a disaster. No induction, no clear briefing on tasks, no staff contact list, no pre-prep such as giving me permission to drive office cars. Weird looks if I asked for these things. I was annoyed with myself and knew I should have asked far more questions before taking the job, but ... lesson learned. I gave them polite yet useful feedback along with my notice.

Wish I'd had your strength and courage in my 20's. Took until my 40's to walk out of a job.

@Happyfeet82 I had a job that didn't work out, got it through a staff agency and I lasted 1.5 weeks. I was told to leave but it was the best thing to happen as a much more suitable role came along. I was very upset but it was a lucky escape from hostile colleagues and an awful manager. It's not worth it, well done for moving away from something so wrong for you.

I wouldn't be overthinking it like this. I would just leave, no notice.