Partners 12yr old DS irritates me so much

[Ontherocksthisyear]

I know this sounds harsh and I haven't let on to how much he irritates me, but I have tried to talk to my partner about his DS behaviour, but he doesn't seem to really get it. Am I being unreasonable irritated though?

Some examples of why I'm struggling with him...

He lies. Not only when you ask him about something and he fibs so not to get in trouble. But, he will literally fabricate an entire event that has never happened. Or argue something to be a fact when I know it isn't.

He is addicted to his iPad: he will walk around the house watching it. He couldn't put it down the other day when he was boiling some noodles, had it propped up on the side. He will watch it very loudly. We were only holiday recently and him and DD had to share a room. He would stay up on his iPad until the early hours and not turn the sound down when asked.

He will be very cutesy with our 11month old when his dad is in the room. But when he isn't in the room he will not bother with him in the slightest, he will just ignore him completely.

He talks slightly disrespectfully of his mum. Saying recently that she has a drinking problem and never bothers with him. But from what I see she is always taking him to some club or another, or off camping or arranging sleepovers for him. But I suppose I'm not there to really know.

He only bothers with my DD, who is a similar age to him, when he has been locked off his iPad. Otherwise has no interest really in interacting with her.

When he first comes over he acts very sweet and I think we are turning a corner, and I
Ask myself 'why have I found him so annoying?' But after a few days of being here he is lazy, glued to his iPad, chucking litter behind the sofa and telling all sorts of random things that I know are not true.

Maybe this is just normal behaviour? My daughter is nothing like him though. She is very self aware and mature in many ways. Prehaps I am expecting him to act more mature than he yet is.

In other words, he doesn't want to parent his son while he's with you. His Disney dad routine is failing his son - you are blaming the wrong person. It's normal for a 12 year old to have little interest in an 11 month old baby and likewise to have little interest in his stepsister who he probably has very little in common with. And forcing these teenage/pubescent unrelated boy and girl to share a room on holiday was short-sighted at best, disgraceful at worst.

My 14 year old DS often annoys the hell out of me. Fortunately I gave birth to him and love him completely, otherwise I don’t think I could live with him!

However, unrestricted iPad access is piss poor parenting. I get that it’s harder when parents are split, but your DP has got to work it out somehow.

I’m shocked that you let him and your DD share a bedroom! Totally inappropriate

One more asking why on earth you thought it was appropriate for your DD to share a room on holiday with this boy? They are 12 not 2!
Perhaps he would be less irritating if anyone bothered to parent him instead of him being babysat by the Ipad...I suspect now the shiny new baby is on the scene though DP has enough on his plate playing dad of the year with his new family and his son is just an afterthought that he 'has' to see to remain socially acceptable.
I have said it more than once on here but men gravitate towards looking after the children of the woman they happen to be shagging at the time and ditch the children of the woman they are no longer getting anything from.

What absolutely terrible parenting is going on here

Take control of the highly addictive iPad and stop blaming a CHILD for being addicted to it

Listen when a child says his mum drinks too much..

Have compassion for a boy shuttling between two homes with a new baby sister taking all the attention

😂😂😂 and that is how you parent

I find it really sad he may have highlighted neglect from his mother and her drinking and you’ve just assumed he’s lying. Poor lad

Your boyfriend is a shit parent, that’s the top and bottom of it. You will know that soon when he’s a shit patent to the child he has gone on to make with you, even though he couldn’t be arsed with the one he already has.

Your boyfriend should be desperate to spend every moment he can with is son, as he spends most of his time at his mothers. He should be walking in the door thinking about what he can do with him. The boy should have no time to be on an iPad.

All this is bang on the money.

Your DP is conspicuous in his absence. He should be doing stuff with his son, who frankly, would probably rather be hanging out with his mates than pretending to be interested in his new step-mum, an un-related girl and an infant. I can't really blame him for getting his entertainment where he can.

And for what it's worth, it's inappropriate to ask unrelated, opposite sex 12yos to share a room on holiday. You should have split boys together and girls.

I don't know why you thought it was a good idea to have a baby with this man.

Why do you think he should be interested in your daughter just because his dad married you and you happen to have a child?

If you’re going to do something as stupid and selfish as make boy/girl step siblings share a room so that you can go on holiday, you have to expect them to annoy each other.

I can’t believe no one took the iPad off him when he was keeping your daughter awake at night. You and your partner are both neglectful.

As an aside, I don’t think it’s appropriate for 12 year old step siblings of the opposite sex to be sharing a room on holiday.

The crux of the issue.

Why is your 12yo sharing a room with him????

turn the WiFi off. Tell him the new package goes off 10-7 and then set a timer plug on the router.

The whole thing smacks of what’s easiest for the adults being prioritised.

DH saying “I don’t want too many rules” - laziness

Not spending time with his son as an alternative to screens - laziness

Wanting DS to take an interest in baby - laziness as it frees up the adults

Making the 12 yo unrelated kids of opposite sex share a room - well it’s cheaper isn’t it, and we can’t possibly split adults to share 1 and 1 as we want our space… 🙄

To save money 🙄

If it was just the DSS in the equation I would say...

This is totally normal behaviour. Tweens and teens aren't very nice. They are rude and selfish and manipulative and lie. They're absorbed in their screens and their fads. Sometimes they're smelly. This is why blended families are so often disastrous - if they are your own kids who you have adored since they were babies and through all the cute phases it carries you through these years. If they're not yours...well they're not much fun to be around. (They're often not much fun to be around when they are yours but you love them so it's okay). So as an adult you can like it or lump it.

The issue with this situation I agree with other posters is your poor DD. Because she doesn't have a choice whether or not to put up with him. She's going through all the same tween/teen shittiness (because rubbish as it can be to be around them...it's definitely way harder to be them...) with someone (maybe his Dad too?) that she doesn't like, and wouldn't have chosen to spend time with never mind live with. In her personal "safe" space at home. All the time. And the sharing of a room is definitely not okay.

No it’s not. It’s true.

OP wont be back

Agreed! Looks like she doesn't like being told that both she and her new partner are shit at parenting.

With regard to the SS saying his mother has a drink problem, if it is a lie, he's probably hoping that it will mean his DD steps up, and has him come to live with him.

Deeply inappropriate

So he really is the issue then does t want to waste his time parenting!

also are you so sure that the thing he is saying about his mum isn’t true?

Rules and nagging is part of parenting a 12 year old. If he's told to turn the iPad down and doesn't why isnt it taken from him.

Ds doesnt come to your to be cutesy to your 11 month old, and 11month olds are boring. He wants to see his dad. If you want his behaviour to improve he needs a dad who spends time with him and gives him rules, boundaries and attention

How old is your DD who you make share a room with him? That sounds inappropriate if he’s 12!

The single most alarming thing in your post is the fact you made your daughter share a room with a boy who isn’t related to her! Safeguard your child!!!