To think it's OK to carry my toddler while pregnant

[gollyimholly]

AIBU to think it's ok to carry my toddler whilst pregnant?

I'm just 3 months pregnant and I have been told off one too many times for carrying my 2 year old. Today it was in a cafe by total stranger who heard me say I was expecting to the barista.

My 2 year old is about 19kg so definitely not the lightest and I struggle to carry her for a long period of time but I can manage about 5mins before it gets too much of a struggle.

I just googled the dangers and it says things like: back pain, increased risk of falls and balance issues. But today's lady in the cafe said it could result in a prolapse, my mum said it could result in a miscarriage...

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and (out of absolute necessity) I’ve had to carry an oven, a fridge-freezer and lots of other household items when I was around 6 months pregnant. Just trust your body, you’ll know when you’re over doing it.

My DS is 99centile for height and weight but he's still only just gone 18kg at 26 months. Your daughter must be very big. Agree with other pp. More walking! Is she super tall? My son is the average height of a 3 or 4 year old so carries the weight well.

Surely weight of toddler is important, as a heavy toddler will put more strain on the body.

Carried my 6yo on my back and my 3 year old on my front and danced around the house and garden with them the whole way through my third pregnancy.

my trainer told me that if it feels comfortable, and I’m ‘hugging’ my bump in with my core and breathing / being intentional with my movements then it’s all fine.

you know your body. You’re in charge.

Yes, someone has to be on the 100th centile, but until we eradicate obesity and everyone is a healthy weight, you probably don't want to be on the 100th centile.

I was off the scale as a kid because I was also off the scale for height. It depends on the correlation between the two. That’s why BMI exists, you can’t go off weight alone!

I have never weighed more than 9 and a half stone, but I am tall.

I was going to say it’s fine until I saw they are 19kg? I weighed my 3 year the other day and he was 13.4kg, so would have been lighter when I was pregnant (I now have a 3 month old). I couldn’t carry him for long, but it was fine that I did but I wouldn’t have been able to or wanted to if he was 19kg. I spent most of my pregnancy encouraging him to walk more anyway!

What the circumstances that you are regularly needing to carry your toddler for 5 minutes? Do you have a pushchair?

I'd encourage your child to walk. My 3 year old is 18kg and on the 91st percentile for weight. I can't lift her and walk for extended periods without getting tired and I'm not pregnant. In your shoes I'd be using a pram on anything but short journeys. Having said that I had 2 under 2 and absolutely picked up my eldest whilst pregnant and she was a lot lighter than your child. I did have back pain though in that pregnancy which was excruciating.

So what I'm getting at is it's not that you can't lift your 2 year old but do so when sitting down or if standing or walking then short periods. I'd use a pram or reigns depending on what your child prefers and if there is another parent around on days out I'd get them to do the lifting. Your child will still get plenty of cuddles and lots of love but adjust your movements so you don't develop discomfort.

Well it kind of changes things as her 2 year old is the size of a 5 year old so explains why people are commenting

I mean .. prolapse, yeah possibly. But what else are you supposed to do?

I don't think the weight of the 2yo matters at much for all we know Op could be 6ft herself.

I don't know why so many are being dismissive of the risks. Its well known that ligaments relax during pregnancy, meaning pregnant women are more prone to injury in pregnancy and the time afterwards.

If it was an employer asking a pregnant employee to lift 19kg, they'd be required to carry out a risk assessment, including minimising the reasons to lift and training on how to lift, bend knees keeping back straight and keeping the weight centered.

But wiggly toddlers aren't well known for standing still so Mum can get a good hold before trying to lift without putting her back out or putting strain on the pelvis.

Lots of mums do the hip carry to so the weight isn't evenly spread, one hips lifted while the spine gets twisted to balance the load.

I'd be more concerned about your 2 year old being 19kg than the actual act of carrying a toddler whilst pregnant.

You're pregnant, not disabled; none of their business.

how did the random person even know you're pregnant given you're only three months pregnant? And it seems very odd that stranger would start talking to you about vagina prolapse

Yes, its not helpful to comment on the weight of a child with no insight into height and build. Mine were all 100th percentile for height, they were always going to be heavier than “average”.

People look at tall children and load them with expectations of this age - I well remember the woman commenting that having my 15 month eldest in reins “at that age” was ridiculous because she was too stupid to understand that maturity comes with age, not height.

Anyways OP you should just ignore the intrusive comments of strangers. I also wouldn’t bet telling strangers I was three months pregnant unless they had a need to know. If you find DD difficult to lift can you encourage them to walk more of the time and minimise lifting and take a lightweight umbrella fold buggy with you when you go out?

And colour me shocked the Op has vanished

I was told by a non-Brit neighbour when very pregnant and carrying my toddler, that if I did this my baby would be born with a broken arm.

I was also told by another ditto that swimming while pregnant meant that ‘your bones will open and you’ll lose the baby’.
They* were full of batshit old wives’ tales!
After the baby was born I ‘must’ also cover its face with a blanket if ever taking it out after dark - to keep the evil spirits away. Pinning a little cross plus one of those ‘evil eye’ things to its clothes would also help ward off evil spirits.
So now you know!

*all from a certain Mediterranean culture.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER
I get there is something serious batshit old wife's tales but often their can be good reason not to do something even if the logic is wrong.

Breaststroke kicks, is what caused my pelvic pain at 22weeks with my first. I swam Sunday, gentle swim, as much chatting as swimming, by Thursday I could hardly walk.

Heavy lifting when pregnant with loose ligaments can cause injury.
There is at least two people on this thread that have said - it happened to them. There are laws to protect women in the workplace. Do people honestly think employers would be required to carry out a Risk Assessment if their was no additional risks to pregnant women?

Maybe the size of your toddler means that strangers think they are older than they are and so don’t need to be carried so much?

The only question that matters is are you comfortable carrying them?

Id probably suggest attaching reins permanently so you can pop them down more frequently as and when you need rest breaks?

Depends what you mean by ‘heavy lifting’ I suppose. I wouldn't have tried to pick up any other heavy object when heavily pregnant, but had been used to picking up my dd several times a day ever since she was born, so had by degrees become so used to it that it didn’t feel like an effort.

It only occurred to me much later that babies and toddlers make excellent ‘weights’!

Were you used to swimming? I certainly was, and maybe I was lucky but there were certainly never any adverse effects.

I was lugging a 3 year old and a 1 year old about when pregnant with dc3. As long as your comfortable. Though tbh the phil and ted buggy got used lots more when I got to 4 months as I was huge

19kg is a heavy lift.
Lots of airlines label cases over 20kg as heavy same with couriers they try to avoid boxes over 20kg.
HSE has guidance about lifting blocks over 20kgs as a 2 person lift.

An employer also has to take into account the person they are asking to lift it. So it's not quite as simple as 19kg is under the 20kg so is fine to lift.
I'm turning to employment guidance because it difficult to get guidance for domestic situations.

Yip I was well used to swimming both my casual Sunday swim with my pal and a bit more serious bang out some lenghts.

For me the pain felt like I'd been kicked between the legs. By the Thursday not knowing what I'd done, and struggling to walk. I called the MW who told me to get in touch with Maternity Physios. They were keep your knees together, getting in / out of.bed, the car, the bath, no swinging around on your hips (ironing, hoovering, careful with trollys).
It settled a bit but was never 100% until well after the birth..

And I felt it again with DC2 at 12/13 weeks after carrying DC1 with a burst nose the length of the same pool!