To think therapy-speak has ruined how people talk to each other?

[ThisLimeMoose]

“Holding space” doesn’t excuse being a passive-aggressive flake.

Had to Google that one; I think it’s ‘I’m here for you’?

ARIANA Grande was on graham Norton a while back, talking about holding the holding space comment. She said WTF is that 😂

I had a go, fairly recently, of getting H to analyse his "love language"
"a bit of all of them at different times" look of "yeah and" on his face, it's one of my hobbies making H answer questionnaires that will change absolutely zip!

"what am I doing wrong this week then?"
"well it says here that a couple should engage in a gratitude journal together in the mornings to stay together and remain happy"
"but my only thought would be I'll be late for work if you insist on making me do this"

This is part of the reason I can't stand Ms Markle/Sussex! Every time I listen to her, this is the kind of speak that rolls out! If she could at least speak like a normal person, I might not dislike her quite so much!! (not that she cares whether I like her or not!!)

But there's a difference between benign monarchs and autocratic murdering despots. Surely individual personality, traits, psychopathologies, and, dare I say it, lived experience count for something.

I'm a therapist and I agree with you.

I have 2 issues. One is that we often mean something very specific with therapy speak and when every Tom Dick and Harry starts using it, they often mean something slightly different so everyone gets confused. (Eg the latest one is everyone using 'intrusive thought' when they mean negative thought. We mean those uncomfortable, usually visual thoughts like jumping off when you're high up, swerving into oncoming traffic, we call them egodystonic because they're the opposite of what you want to do and your values. Previously everyone who has had very painful experiences but wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD said they had PTSD, prior to that everyone who liked cleaning said they had OCD. Everyone has diagnosed each other with narcissistic personality disorder)

Secondly, it's not so much therapy speak but I don't like the move towards being so accommodating towards mental health problems that you collude with them and discourage the person from overcoming it. It's a really delicate balance - of course everyone should be as kind and respectful as possible but in my field we often push people to do things that make them anxious or uncomfortable to improve their lives in the long term and would like the person's loved ones on side with this.

God yes. I flippin hate it. A hundred years ago, people read great literature for guidance. If you need help navigating your way through life, read Jane Austen, George Eliot, Dickens, Tolstoy, Flaubert, Henry James, etc, etc. They will teach you all you need to know about love, relationships, work, marriage, loneliness, etc. And they'll teach you to speak eloquently and beautifully instead of like a dimwit from California.

Same! Triggered is my worst one. I also cringe when people call this, "therapy speak," because none of the good therapists I know (I know a few!) talk like this. The language comes from influencers who tell you to 'go no contact' with your family 'because everyone who disagrees with you is a narcissist' and you need to show self-love by avoiding all emotional dissonance or 'triggers.' It is why most people have a poor experience of therapy. This isn't therapy. A good therapist will rarely talk in jargon.

It's pretty evident on here - much more so than in daily life in my experience.

How very, very sensible.

I don’t know about ‘egodystonic’ - to me that sounds like a first-rate mixer - but I strongly suspect you’re a worthwhile therapist and not a charlatan.

I’d say that’s a very shallow understanding.

I have been a therapist and have never used the term holding space. There are a lot of people who are not well trained offering therapy and that needs to be clamped down on. But for many people therapy can be life changing in a positive way - even life saving.

It's "navigate" that really winds me up
We had a long missive from my child's primary school recently that was all about navigating an issue. If there's not a boat or mapreading involved, I don't want to hear it.

I'm a therapist and I agree with this to a point!
There is a lot more to therapy than therapy-speak.

I have no idea what a holding space is. :)

Please never get the two mixed up 😬🤣

The one that drives me mad is ‘the way my brain works is…’

If I hear one more person say this to explain everything from why they bought a new top in Zara to why they drink 8 cans of Thatchers Haze I swear I’m going to scream.

I’d never heard the term before tonight. I’ve just checked on Amazon and there are hundreds of books on the topic. I guess many are self-published. Also a few towel rails, shelves, luggage racks and other more conventional holding spaces.

But in a professional context, I might well be asked "do you have any experience with Domestic Abuse?" As in do I have experience carrying out direct therapeutic work with survivors or perpetrators, working with children impacted by DA, carrying out Risk Assessments, contributing to safety plans etc. I have a lot of experience with these things, which involves a great deal more than "hearing about Domestic Abuse from others" but its absolutely not the same as having lived through it myself. Some colleagues may have all of the above experience as a professional, but they may also have "lived experience". That's why the distinction is helpful in the world I work in.

It's not as black and white as pp is right and im wrong or vice versa. I'm giving an example of why the phrase is used a lot, and is not entirely tautological, in my particular area of work.

You’re glossing this by ‘with’ (“experience with”) rather than ‘of’.

You have experience with abuse by hearing others’s experiences of abuse, and listening to them. You do not have experience of abuse.

“Lived experience” means experience of, in plain English.

Well, I’m a therapist and I have never heard this phrase.

@ThisLimeMoose I agree with your concept and your title

I actually saw two threads saying similar things in recent months, but they got taken down.

However, "holding space" isn't something I've come across in real life. I only know about the expression because of Ariana Grande's interview experience!

hopefully this thread won't get taken down. So yes, I think people who absorb a lot of this stuff in pop psychology are actually ruining friendships and maybe other relationships. They're linking motives to things when a lot of us don't have a hidden agenda. The gigantic pile of therapy cliches may not even be understood by the people using the terms.

There are some good examples on here. I have reached a stage where if someone says to me that they have PTSD I don't know if they actually have it or if they are exaggerating or making a weird joke. This is particularly noticeable when you meet new people (which I've done a fair bit in the last couple of years).

there's a couple of comments on here that I'm not sure if they are jokes or not! There are some hilarious comments on here as well.

I think people have always struggled to communicate difficult issues clearly - therapy speak, though often irritating, is a symptom not the cause.

If I may, why don’t you describe it like that?

I am an expert / have professional experience of working with domestic abuse cases.

I have experience of domestic abuse.

Or similar. Why reduce it to a glib and limited social media phrase like “lived experience”?

It’s only a few more words needed to clarify yet makes for better human communication with space for nuance.

Never heard ‘holding space’ before.
But it sounds like I would hate it. I agree the over analysis of every minor detail/thought/behaviour is ridiculous. I feel like we have arrived at a point in the human race where we cannot just ‘be’ and accept that if something/someone/a situation/a feeling etc etc is not either perfect or explained in a medical diagnosis, we go mad overthinking it all. What an epic waste of time on the planet!

Language moves on. It always has and it always will. No point getting annoyed about it.