To think therapy-speak has ruined how people talk to each other?

[ThisLimeMoose]

“Holding space” doesn’t excuse being a passive-aggressive flake.

Can I be my ‘best self’ in the holding space? 🤔

Yes, I frequently find myself explaining to pupils that they are neither qualified nor experienced enough to proclaim that someone (literary or a friend) has a serious personality disorder. It’s also remarkably lazy.

Sorry duplicate post

Well that's an interesting perspective. I think his contemporaries had more of a problem about his wife killing than you're allowing for. But in any case isn't it an interesting debate to be had? What behaviour was appropriate for him as king; how did his health impact?
He certainly had mental/physical health (whether it was good or bad) he was human, we all have health. How many of his actions in later life for example were influenced by his physical pain? How did his perceived omnipotence affect his personality? How did the lack of an heir for years impact him? He was failing at his most important job. How did he reconcile himself to that? What was his self talk?

He had a lot of potential wives turn him down because they wanted to 'keep their heads' thats for sure.

He was totally unreasonable in addition, to lots of things and lots of decisions, changing his mind all over the shop. He was in a lot of pain with his leg and may have had a head injury too but that doesnt negate the fact that his job was literally to be powerful, keep that power, dismiss people who might have been a threat to that (even by death), control everything. It was in the job description and he would have got a formal HR disciplinary if he hadnt managed it.

What drives me up the wall is how extreme everything is now.

No one is upset they're "traumatised".

No one is unpleasant to be around, they're "toxic".

No one is selfish or just a dick, they're a "narcissist".

These words completely lose their power, and their true meaning, when they're bandied about so much.

Jayden is learning literary analysis, not the art of using a particular dumbed-down version of armchair psychology on fictional characters.

Understanding one is PA or avoidant etc…. doesn’t mean you then have to jump and save them.
It might be a way to find the best way to deal with them (like a colleague or a family member you can’t cut out).
It might be that getting some understanding - ie putting words into the behaviours and why it’s not acceptable - works better for the person than saying ‘he is a tosser’.

Thats one reason why having therapy can be so powerful agd not everyone can afford a therapist…..

This with bells on.

I'm not talking about those scenarios. I'm talking about tying yourself in knots fretting over why someone is treating you badly.

Same thank god!

"lived experience" is tautological.

I think it depends on context. The term is used a lot in the world I work in because it's important to make the distinction. For example, I have a lot of experience with Domestic Abuse, but as a professional who works with victims and perpetrators. I don't have "lived experience" of Domestic Abuse.

Jayden finds school boring, uninspired, rigid and stopped engaging years ago. He thinks that this is how education is meant to be. He had an insight into the text, a conclusion that he came to himself and he was shot down. It doesn't matter if he's using dumbed down armchair psychology. It doesn't matter if he's correct. He engaged with the topic with his own insight, doesn't that warrant a conversation? A glimmer of encouragement? Sorry Jayden you're not allowed to make your own interpretations. No thinking for yourself, this is school, we don't want independent thought here. Here's what you're supposed to think. No, Jayden you're not supposed to enjoy English.

How do you make the difference between ‘tying yourself in knots’ when someone is treating you badly and trying to understand what’s going on because that’s the thing that gives you clarity and allows to say ‘enough is enough’?

I can tell you it looks pretty much the same from the outside.

I needed the laugh emoji back!

Cool beans. Glad you've got it all worked out.

I also presume Jayden is on free school meals. If he weren't, maybe there'd have been more containment around his attempt to cross the class divide with the language the he's had access to on TikTok.

Surely you just don’t have experience of domestic abuse?

Hearing about domestic abuse from others isn’t experience of it.

I think the pp is right.

How are you 'showing up' in your life -- aaaaargh! Almost as bad as 'holding space'.

I'm not disagreeing with you on his job description. But two people with different personalities/mental health issues would do the same very high stakes/high stress job in different ways. Isn't it interesting to speculate on how an individual's frailties/vulnerabilities/pathology affect their behaviour?

I think it’s important to be able to look at your own behaviour through that same lens, though.

I see an awful lot of very indignant people on social media talking about the evils of ‘avoidant’ partners, without examining the ways in which their own behaviour and expectations might be suffocating and controlling.

So often the psychobabble only goes one way, so every relationship that doesn’t work out is blamed 100% on the other person’s (assumed) pathology.

I gathered a couple of bits of therapy speak in 4 years of it, which were helpful (co-creation. A useful idea.)

It would be quite interesting to redo historical writing/ accounts of speech replacing all the religious and Biblical terms with therapy ones. Try it with Anne of Green Gables.

I feel you have crossed a very firm boundary there or at least pushed back on it. You have offered an unsolicited view which quite frankly has triggered a trauma response in me. Now whether that is a big T response or a little T response is entirely my own concern because I don’t like to share all of my views online. Apart from all of my social media channels, Peg’s Mental Elf.
Now I could sit here and have a pity party, or I could do some EFT tapping, I am not sure which as yet because even though my therapist is on speed dial she appears to have an avoidant personality issue.
I often feel in sessions far more congruent than her anyway. In fact, I sometimes feel
she should pay me for my time.
Anyway, must dash. Just off to Oversharers Anonymous, where holding space is sacrosanct.
*Just to be open, before anyone comes for me, I have CPTSD, had EMDR and have attended a 12-step programme.

Holding space is hilarious though surely nobody takes it seriously?