Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband and Parents

58 replies

Jemima85 · 16/06/2025 13:50

We have been temporarily living with my parents since Easter due to our house having building work. It should be completed for us to move back in by mid July at the latest.

My parent live in the next town over and we have a DD (7) who attends school where we live - it's about a 15/20 minute drive to get her there.

Everything was going well until approx. 1 month ago when I ruptured my achilles playing netball. I am currently in a boot and I will not be in a position to drive until late August / early September.

My husband's job is approx a 2 hour commute each way. He usually leaves around 5.30 each morning, returning home at 7pm. It's a long day for him. There is currently a lot going on and it is very much make or break due to financial problems the company are having. DH needs to be there as he is currently having to sort out many issues.

As a result, I am having to rely on my parents to do the school drop and pick up each day. They don't particularly enjoy driving and I wouldn't ask them, but I really do not have anybody else to ask. School mum friends are in the next town over and they're rushing to and from work to pick up their DC.

My sister did do a couple of school runs, but has said that she can no longer offer any support as her DH is back to work following time off for an op.

DH is WFH when he possibly can to support with school runs and to take me to and from the hospital for physiotherapy, but this is becoming problematic as in the eyes of my parents and sister he is not doing enough.

Every opportunity my mum and sister are making negative comments about DH saying that he always has lots going on at work and why should we be relying on them all of the time to support. We are not. He is helping, but as I say the company is on the verge of financial collapse and he can't just drop everything to run me to the hospital. They don't seem to understand what he has going on.

Trips to the hospital are usually begrudgingly offered with a lot of sighing and swearing making me feel like a burden.

DD has picked up on the tension and just cries saying she wants to go home. My parents show little interest in her and my mum has called her an "odd strange girl" and has been very sharp with her. This is in contrast to my sister's two DD who she talks non stop about.

I feel trapped and I feel like I am in the middle. The timing of this injury could not have come at a worse time. I am really grateful to my parents and say thank you etc and I give them petrol money, we buy them things for helping, but my mum is now saying she is finding it too much pressure and asking why my MIL is not helping - MIL lives 6/7 hours away and flies down to see us and if she came would not have access to a car and we usually put her up.

It's a complete mess, but my sister was here again this morning making me feel bad and bad mouthing DH.

I am not sure how to navigate this. I also just want to be back home.

OP posts:
Doorsways · 16/06/2025 14:12

That sounds incredibly stressful and hard.
Could you home school your daughter for the last few weeks to the holiday so its only hospital runs.

Tell your sister who can't help to mind her own business as you are stressed enough.

It is not easy for your parents being asked to do so much, but they are totally ruining it by stressing you out so much.

I wouldn't ever ask them for anything again when you move back home.

The unkind remarks about your daughter would mean I would take a lot of space from them as soon as you can.
Move home early as you can.
Could his mother camp out with you if you could move home early?

People do camp out in houses while work is being done.

Ilovepastafortea · 16/06/2025 14:13

Might it be possible to move back to your house before the renovations are complete?

As long as you have a working bathroom, somewhere to cook & somewhere to sleep it's doable.

DH & me have renovated several houses whilst living in them. We once spent 8 weeks living, sleeping (on the floor in sleeping bags as no room for a double bed & used DS1's bed as a sofa) & eating in one room with 2 small DCs & a German Shepherd dog. Our 'kitchen' was just a cooker which had to be scrubbed to remove builder's muck & dust before we could use it & we did the washing up in the bathroom as there was no sink in the kitchen for several weeks. Admittedly we ate a lot of take aways & it was rather uncomfortable, but we survived it.

Another house needed woodworm treatment to the beams & floors throughout. Due to the chemicals, we couldn't live in it for about 2 weeks so we slept in a tent in the garden & lived on take aways & whatever could be cooked on a camping stove during the week & went to stay with the ILs at weekends to enjoy the luxury of a hot shower/bath rather than washing in luke-warm water in an old tin bath. The DCs loved camping & bathing outside in the open air.

Seamoss · 16/06/2025 14:14

It doesn't matter if people here think any of your family members are unreasonable or not. They all have the capacity that they have and sound like they're stretched to their personal limits.

But tell your family to stop bad mouthing your DH. That's appalling from them. He's their scape goat.

The only way to solve anything is to find other ways to get DD to school for the next few weeks. It's not a long time.
Can you take public transport or taxis instead? Can you get an air B&B for a few weeks closer to DD's school so you can walk, or less close but on a convenient public transport route? Can you get a cheap hotel room closer a couple of night a week?

babyslave · 16/06/2025 14:20

Hire an automatic car for a month - you can drive with one foot.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/06/2025 14:23

Multi generational living is very hard, I think. Everyone on top of each other and tempers get frayed.

Can you possibly rent somewhere near the school? It would take the heat and stress out of things, and it’s not really your parents’ job to do!

Jemima85 · 16/06/2025 14:26

Just to add: I am not currently in a position to walk. I am only allowed to partially weight bear so walking DD to the nearest bus stop which is a 15 minute walk away and then a 15 minute walk the other end is not an option.

We have no bathroom and no kitchen at the moment so can't move back in as the whole house is being rewired and replumbed. It's just a shell currently.

I also can't drive an automatic car. I've already checked and my car insurance will not cover me.

Parents are both retired.

OP posts:
Jemima85 · 16/06/2025 14:27

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/06/2025 14:23

Multi generational living is very hard, I think. Everyone on top of each other and tempers get frayed.

Can you possibly rent somewhere near the school? It would take the heat and stress out of things, and it’s not really your parents’ job to do!

We should be back in in the next 4 weeks so renting is not an option.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 16/06/2025 14:29

Can you hire a taxi to take you and DD to school, you wouldn't have to get out if you could use the teachers car park.

Seamoss · 16/06/2025 14:29

Rented caravan on friend's drive (with kids at the same school)? Tent in friend's back garden. Friend's mum willing to take both kids to school

Ilovepastafortea · 16/06/2025 14:32

Jemima85 · 16/06/2025 14:27

We should be back in in the next 4 weeks so renting is not an option.

OK, so without a bathroom & being re-wired & re-plumbed means floorboards are up, wires sticking out of walls & without a lavatory, moving back in isn't an option.

I suggest that you ask builder's to prioritise getting a working bathroom so that you could at least camp in the garden.

What about an Air B&B?

Billybagpuss · 16/06/2025 14:38

Airbnb near the school, the current situation is untenable.

redskydelight · 16/06/2025 14:44

It sounds like the situation is too much for your parents. It's not unreasonable of them to say they can't do any more. It's not unreasonable for your husband not to do more.

So your options are

  1. Keep your daughter at home
  2. Move closer to the school (your own house or AirBnB type place)
  3. Find someone else to take her. Would another school mum/friend do it if you offered to pay them?
Apothecary266 · 16/06/2025 14:46

Get some crutches? My daughter wasn't allowed to weight bear so was given crutches so she could manage school.

Yogabearmous · 16/06/2025 14:49

Another vote for air bnb . Don’t keep putting your child and DH through this. Awful in laws. Who describes their grandchild like that ?!

Jemima85 · 16/06/2025 14:51

Apothecary266 · 16/06/2025 14:46

Get some crutches? My daughter wasn't allowed to weight bear so was given crutches so she could manage school.

I've got crutches, but the issue is with getting her to school from the next town over.
Did your DD rupture her achilles?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 16/06/2025 14:52

Air BnB sounds like the only solution. Living at your parents is not working. I assume you are not working at the moment, your husband is working from their home for a business that could go bust. It is all too much. You need to move out asap.

Gemmawemma9 · 16/06/2025 14:53

Assuming they’re in good health, this attitude absolute blows my mind. I can’t imagine making one of my own children feel like a burden, when they need my support through no fault of their own. Being cruel to your daughter is fucking vile. What kind of granny is she?!
No good advice OP just wanted to extend my sympathies- I would never treat my daughter like this.

Iloveacurry · 16/06/2025 14:56

Your parents and sister sound horrible. As suggested, perhaps look into an Airbnb in your home town if you can. Just suck up the cost I would say.

How old are your parents anyway?

Endofyear · 16/06/2025 14:56

I would be looking for an airbnb and moving out ASAP, especially if your parents have spoken about your little girl so nastily - to be honest I wouldn't want them anywhere near her! I would also shell out for taxis to the hospital and/or pay a babysitter to walk/drive DD to school.

HenDoNot · 16/06/2025 14:58

You must be saving a fortune living with your parents, get an Uber or some other taxi service.

Topjoe19 · 16/06/2025 14:59

I have been in a similar situation. Hang tight, things will get better. As soon as the house is livable in get back in there. It will one day be over & you will be home. If there is any possibility of staying somewhere else do it but if not hang on in there.

JoshLymanSwagger · 16/06/2025 15:01

Can you pre-book taxis, or is that too expensive?

I'd lean on the builders to hurry up with the bathroom.
You can camp out in a building site and manage without the kitchen for a little while in the summer.

Your poor LO. She must feel so lost. Bear
Your parents and sister really have no idea how this will damage their relationship with her or with you.

Beansandcheesearegood · 16/06/2025 15:02

I would just hire a taxi firm to do all journeys- ask school they probably have one they know, you go in taxi with her. Friend can walk her to class or u can with crutches.

Kelticgold · 16/06/2025 15:03

Jemima85 · 16/06/2025 14:26

Just to add: I am not currently in a position to walk. I am only allowed to partially weight bear so walking DD to the nearest bus stop which is a 15 minute walk away and then a 15 minute walk the other end is not an option.

We have no bathroom and no kitchen at the moment so can't move back in as the whole house is being rewired and replumbed. It's just a shell currently.

I also can't drive an automatic car. I've already checked and my car insurance will not cover me.

Parents are both retired.

Then a taxi is probably the safest option. Maybe you find a taxi driver that lives locally, and could offer you a discount for booking those regular trips for the next weeks.

MyCyanReader · 16/06/2025 15:06

@Jemima85 just rent a scooter or buy a cheap one then take your DD to school on the bus?