I flooded the bathroom - DP is angry

[Moai]

Hi all, I could do with some objective thoughts on this.

I managed to flood the floor when I had a shower a couple of days ago and it leaked through to the ceiling of the room below.

DP got really, really angy, threw some things on the floor and shouted at me. I spent a long time sorting it all out. He was still furious, saying things like I ruined our house.

Obvioulsy, I was very annoyed and angry with myself as I should have noticed the water was too high in the shower basin but I never believed it was so high it had escaped the basin.

The water has left a bit of a brown mark on the ceiling below, and this morning I also saw it has left a mark on the kitchen ceiling. (I will soon attempt a vineager/water solution as this seems to be the best bet.)

I have said several times it was a mistake, I will sort it out and that I can't deal with him being so angry. DP continued to shout at me once or twice over the weekend when the issue was raised, and the rest of the time he hardly spoke to me. Is this a normal reaction?

I would never behave like that if anything similar happened to him as it was a genunie (stupid) mistake. We renovated a couple of years ago, and I understand he's gutted. I'm really gutted myself, but currently more concerned with dealing with being very anxious around him rather than the practical issues.

But is the fact that I'm quite a relaxed person and always treat geniune mistakes for what they are clouding my perception, and this is really warranted behaviour from him?

His reaction is not normal.

just because you've been together 20 years & have kids, doesn't mean you have to stay with the nasty bastard!

Yeah thats not normal, nor is it acceptable.

I have lost my shit a couple of times when DP has fucked some shit up - but these were not accidents ie. him totally unaware of what was happening/what might happen... These were incidents where I had specifically told him not to do a thing:

• Do not attempt to get the old sofa out via the front door, you'll rip the radiator off....
• Please wipe up any water from this side of the sink asap or it will blow the worktop which can't be fixed and will have to remain blown and fugly looking for the next 10+ years...

And then he does the thing and my prediction turns out to be bang on and I either end up living with something that looks frigging awful (Worktop) or having to shell out a small fortune to fix a radiator over a bank holiday weekend.

Even so - its a blow up, shout about it, finish. No sulking, no repeatedly bringing it up in a nasty way, no repeated shouting about it!

How does he react when something really bad happens? Because, honestly, this is nothing. It’s a brown water stain. Let it dry, then touch up the paint. Shit happens. His reaction is nuts.

I think you dh is overreacting if the drain was blocked anyone could have flooded the bathroom it just happened to be you that did it.
My neighbours kids have over run the bath a few times now that's annoying it took out all our electric for 2 days one of the times.

get some Polycell stain block, you can buy a spray can version which will cover the marks and stop them from coming through again. It’s magic stuff and if it makes you feel better the only reason I know this is because I too flooded the bathroom once which left a lovely brown mark on the kitchen ceiling below. Your DH is massively overreact

I have 2 newly fitted bathrooms, both showers overflow and leak 😡 They’re properly fitted, expensive floor line trays and shower units, just still shit! They are rainhead showers and the traps in the trays just aren’t good enough to drain the water away. We have to move the trap cover to half way out and then all is good. It’s VERY annoying given the beautiful rooms I have 🤷🏻‍♀️

On a separate note though … the water shouldn’t leak through to the ceiling below, so OP it sounds like you have issues with your flooring/floor grout.

This is no way to live, it’s death by a thousand cuts.

Please get yourself and your DC away from him.

No anger management classes.

No counselling.

Just freedom from him as soon as you can manage it.

I'd have the arseache for like a day because htf do you not notice?

But it was an accident, not even your fault, it was blocked! Why is he banging on like you deliberately decided the floors needed a jacuzzi treatment? Just grow up, man, get over it!

Well it was your fault - it’s not a wee splash is it? Quite a bit of water must have gone over - you must have noticed you were paddling in it? The normal thing then is to stop the shower and unblock it before any problems occur

Why is a faulty drain her fault?

Totally, should obviously have done this. I knew the water was a bit high but didn’t realize how high, and that it had overflowed. ( poor eyesight without glasses made me not see it). So my mistake. But yes, i tend to crumble when anger is directed at me, so im guessing the main question is if i just really need to grow a stronger backbone and not be so affected by negative comments.

Blow your backbone OP.Any half decent partner would have helped investigate the problem and helped fix it. That’s what ‘partners’ do.

I suppose it was your fault the drain was blocked ?