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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I flooded the bathroom - DP is angry

87 replies

Moai · 16/06/2025 09:58

Hi all, I could do with some objective thoughts on this.

I managed to flood the floor when I had a shower a couple of days ago and it leaked through to the ceiling of the room below.

DP got really, really angy, threw some things on the floor and shouted at me. I spent a long time sorting it all out. He was still furious, saying things like I ruined our house.

Obvioulsy, I was very annoyed and angry with myself as I should have noticed the water was too high in the shower basin but I never believed it was so high it had escaped the basin.

The water has left a bit of a brown mark on the ceiling below, and this morning I also saw it has left a mark on the kitchen ceiling. (I will soon attempt a vineager/water solution as this seems to be the best bet.)

I have said several times it was a mistake, I will sort it out and that I can't deal with him being so angry. DP continued to shout at me once or twice over the weekend when the issue was raised, and the rest of the time he hardly spoke to me. Is this a normal reaction?

I would never behave like that if anything similar happened to him as it was a genunie (stupid) mistake. We renovated a couple of years ago, and I understand he's gutted. I'm really gutted myself, but currently more concerned with dealing with being very anxious around him rather than the practical issues.

But is the fact that I'm quite a relaxed person and always treat geniune mistakes for what they are clouding my perception, and this is really warranted behaviour from him?

OP posts:

notacooldad · 16/06/2025 10:53

Blimey I've flooded the bathroom twice. Once when the kids were small and I started running a bath but got distracted.The second time was a couple of years ago. I can't remember how.
Dh just called me a div( He had a point) and we got someone in to do a repair job. It's a complete non issue with regard to our relationship. It was a mistake and its fixable.
Your husband is now being abusive.

abricotine · 16/06/2025 10:53

In a similar situation (although worse in that part of our ceiling actually came down and upstairs carpet was ruined 😳) my husband was brilliant. He wasn’t pleased of course but recognised it as a stupid oversight, helped me clear up and sort the ensuing mess, insurance and repairs.
Get a new DP. You need someone who isn’t bitter and resentful in your life.

JudgeJ · 16/06/2025 10:54

You need to allow it to dry and get some special paint for covering damp patches, it can't just be painted over.

Batmanisaplaceinturkey · 16/06/2025 10:56

I would be annoyed if my partner was oblivious to the water overflowing in the shower and flooding the floor. It's points to carelessness.
However if this was a one off, then the reaction was OTT. If not a one off mistake he might just be fed up with it all.

notacooldad · 16/06/2025 10:56

I was distraught at the time, though, so maybe your DP feels you’re being a bit casual?
It's seriously nothing to get upset about.
It's ot life changing or a huge deal. It's an inconvenience a d annoying but there's no point being down in the dumps about it.

LoafofSellotape · 16/06/2025 10:59

What an over reaction. I pranged the car the other day , dh barely raised an eyebrow although I'm sure inside he was cursing. He knew I didn't do it on purpose just as you didn't flood the bathroom on purpose. Fix the shower then claim off your contents insurance for the ceiling damage / redecorating.

5foot5 · 16/06/2025 11:00

Moai · 16/06/2025 10:19

Thanks for all your messages, I really needed a reality check. And no, this is not the first time he throws a fit. Generally I can see that he's overreacting, but this time I somehow felt more uncertain about it. The drain was blocked, that's why it overflowed, and I have sorted that.

If it overflowed because the drain was blocked then, arguably, it was not entirely your fault anyway and it could just as easily have happened when he was using the shower.

No his reaction is disproportionate. Does he get in to a rage like this often?

Merryoldgoat · 16/06/2025 11:01

His reaction is massively out of proportion.

I wrapped the car round a concrete pillar when i first learned to drive. His response was ‘oh no - are you ok?’

Expressing some anger or irritation is normal. Throwing things and silent treatment is never ok.

Sharptonguedwoman · 16/06/2025 11:02

CautiousLurker01 · 16/06/2025 10:52

When my DH bought a new car - BMW Z4 - I reversed our other/my car into it on the drive in the first week. Scratched/dented bumper and a few grands worth of repair. He sat on the porch with his head in his hands for an hour, looked as though he was trying not to cry, and insisted I leave him alone while he calmed down. Was quiet for the rest of the day. Then he got it fixed and it was never mentioned again, except to take the piss out of me occasionally.

I was distraught at the time, though, so maybe your DP feels you’re being a bit casual? It will take more than vinegar solution to get rid of the stain on the ceiling, btw. It’ll need proper stain block and a couple of coats of paint - so if DP has to do it (I, personally would do it myself as the shower error was mine) he may be pissed off about that.

How do people live like this? It's a car, an expensive car for sure but not a person.

constantlylactating · 16/06/2025 11:03

It's not a normal or reasonable reaction, and I would get the ick.

Not two months ago I flooded our bathroom, water was pouring through the ceiling in the living room. It was a mistake, my husband came home from work early, helped me clean it all up. We let the stains dry out and painted over them, no issue.

You need some stain stop paint first, then just repaint in whichever colour your ceiling is.

These things happen sometimes, it's a part of life. I couldn't bare to be spoken to like your DH did, it shows a real lack of care towards you as his wife. I would say that's a far bigger issue than repainting a ceiling - but it's a him issue, not a you issue. I hope you manage to sort it out with him. But remember this, you don't deserve to be spoken to like that in your home, nobody does.

BeardOToots · 16/06/2025 11:07

He’s an arsehole.
Years ago my wife let her bath overflow whilst running it. It flooded the bathroom and overnight the ceiling below completely collapsed due to the amount of water.
It was a massive job to repair, an insurance claim, full redecoration and recarpeting.
At no point was I angry with her at all. In fact I remember spending loads of time trying to convince her not to be so angry with herself for doing it.
Just get some Zinsser Stain Blocker to use as an undercoat, then touch up.
Is he always so quick to anger?

UmberJoker · 16/06/2025 11:14

You’re in a relationship with someone who thinks a bit of plaster is more important than your feelings. Is that where you want to be?

LittlleMy · 16/06/2025 11:26

@Moai its def your DH overreacting. The whole point of getting with someone is surely to act as a team which means you absorb the crap together as well as the good? Yes he’s human so you’d expect emotion in the way of frustration and massive annoyance but after that he should just calmly be discussing a way forward, what went wrong and how to prevent it happening in the future. A partner reacting like that would have me on egg shells overly checking and worrying and that’s no way to be!

CautiousLurker01 · 16/06/2025 11:35

Think I didn’t explain myself - I think my DH would have been justified to lose his shit at me. It was a £50k+ car and I trashed it in the first week by being careless and forgetting there was a second car on the drive where there hadn’t been one before… yet he DIDN’T yell at me, make me pay for it, didn’t hold it against me. He just needed an hour alone to process his anger and then was quiet for the rest of the day because he was, frankly, gutted and now had the hassle of making a claim/paying for it and getting it repaired. None of which he held over my head aside from taking the mick out of me occasionally. I think his response was more than proportionate.

But OP’s DP seems over the top, unless he is angry that he will have to pay for a decorator/lose a day one weekend fixing it, in which case, yes it was a silly mistake, but perhaps OP needs to recognise that DP now has the hassle of fixing it (vinegar water wont fix water damage stains). If her tone is blasé and defensive (a shrug and ‘I said I was sorry, didn’t I? What’s your problem’), this issue may be one of clashing communication styles because he may actually be pissed off less at the damage and more at how he is perceiving her attitude towards it. If it is their first home, if he feels they have stretched themselves financially to pay for it, it is totally understandable that DP is cross (I’ve been furious at my kids for less) - but if OP is genuinely sorry and actually gets it fixed, then you’d hope he would get over it.

We’re only getting one side of the story here.

cgloml · 16/06/2025 11:52

No, it's not a normal reaction. I can understand him initially being annoyed and irritated, but then that should have been it. Continuing to shout about it and ignoring you just isn't on especially as it's clear you are dealing with it.

Anyway, he's probably partially responsible anyway because the drain didn't just block when you stepped in the shower. It was probably draining more slowly or a while before it got completely blocked and both of you should have noticed it earlier.

daffodildreamers · 16/06/2025 11:52

What happened to you two being a team and having each other’s backs?

Years ago I made a huge mistake that cost us many thousands. I’m sure my husband was pissed off but he never once said anything other than ”don’t worry, we all make mistakes, it’s only money”

HedgehogB · 16/06/2025 11:56

DH is a plumber , he and son have both flooded the bathroom before and it’s come through the light fittings. Your OH is massively overreacting. Let it dry out, use stain block on the stain, paint over it. It’s only catastrophic if the leak carries on and doesn’t get fixed! I suspect his real issue is insecurity around fixing things in the home. If he hadn’t been able to fix it he’d feel a lesser man, etc etc. Some husbands get very defensive around my OH because they feel it’s an affront to their masculinity if he can fix a pipe and they can’t, doh!

ouch321 · 16/06/2025 11:56

Recommend caustic soda for slow draining showers if that helps.

Original poster

Moai · 16/06/2025 11:58

yes, thanks again for the replies. I was worried I was too casual about it and that's why I wanted the reality check. I was visibly upset and annoyed though and started solving all the immideate issues straight away. However, my feelings were probably downplayed quite a lot as I got defensive towards his reaction. I have sorted everything and will continue to sort it, so I don't think he's expecting to do anything about it. Even if I had to pay a decorator (but I don't think so as it's quite minor) I would even suggest paying that myself even though I know that's probably not right.
Thanks a lot for the product recommendations above also .

OP posts:

Dbank · 16/06/2025 11:59

It does indeed sound like a bit of an overreaction, but I can appreciate how annoying it is.

From a practical point of view, the shower tray should never overfill, so check the drain, and regularly if needed. (we have the same issue)

In terms of repair, I would let it dry for a month or two, paint it with Zinnser Stain block, possibly a couple of times, and then repaint.

FatherFrosty · 16/06/2025 12:01

Mistakes happen. You didn’t do it on purpose - and even if you did I’m assuming it’s your house as well?

his reaction though. He could control that and he did not. He used your error to berate you further and further. Make you doubt yourself and belittle you.

do you have children together?

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 16/06/2025 12:02

Batmanisaplaceinturkey · 16/06/2025 10:56

I agree.

Original poster

Moai · 16/06/2025 12:04

yes, we have kids and have been together for almost 20 years, and the house belongs to us both.

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 16/06/2025 12:06

You can buy stain block paint. We had several flooding (sen kids and blocking the plug holes)

Hiddenmnetter · 16/06/2025 12:09

best solution is to use stain blocker (you can get really good water based blockers) and then repaint the patch (or ideally the whole ceiling so it’s even). It’s not a big job, just causes a bit of shoulder/neck pain. Use a fine brush for cutting in, and roller the ceiling in the direction of the the rooms light. Make sure you load the roller fairly dry- you’re not painting fresh plaster so you ideally want multiple thin coats which will be the least noticeable.

AVOID oil based stain blockers. While they are better they take AGES to dry and make the job way more tedious.

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