I flooded the bathroom - DP is angry

[Moai]

Hi all, I could do with some objective thoughts on this.

I managed to flood the floor when I had a shower a couple of days ago and it leaked through to the ceiling of the room below.

DP got really, really angy, threw some things on the floor and shouted at me. I spent a long time sorting it all out. He was still furious, saying things like I ruined our house.

Obvioulsy, I was very annoyed and angry with myself as I should have noticed the water was too high in the shower basin but I never believed it was so high it had escaped the basin.

The water has left a bit of a brown mark on the ceiling below, and this morning I also saw it has left a mark on the kitchen ceiling. (I will soon attempt a vineager/water solution as this seems to be the best bet.)

I have said several times it was a mistake, I will sort it out and that I can't deal with him being so angry. DP continued to shout at me once or twice over the weekend when the issue was raised, and the rest of the time he hardly spoke to me. Is this a normal reaction?

I would never behave like that if anything similar happened to him as it was a genunie (stupid) mistake. We renovated a couple of years ago, and I understand he's gutted. I'm really gutted myself, but currently more concerned with dealing with being very anxious around him rather than the practical issues.

But is the fact that I'm quite a relaxed person and always treat geniune mistakes for what they are clouding my perception, and this is really warranted behaviour from him?

Is he like this with the kids too.

If this was the other way round and a man said he had left the shower running everybody on here would be calling him an absolute twat. Saying how they would be very cross etc either f.

I think his reaction is pretty normal you nonchalantly did thousands of pounds worth of damage which he is going to have to fix. I assume by his statement that you ruin the house that you break other things. I knew somebody like this, and the lack of respect for nice things or their surroundings was horrible.

You aren't going to get the stain off with vinegar or any other home made solution. You are going to need to paint over it.

His resonse is OTT and shabby.
People make mistakes and accidents happen, they feel shit enough about them without the additional punishment of a DP throwing themselves about over it.

He’s a dick, bordering on abusive. It will dry out and can be painted.

How is a small leak 1000s of pounds? It will dry out in this good weather and then can be painted. It’s probably £20 of damage (for paint) or 0 if you have leftover paint.

eveeyone makes mistakes, and your shower tray sounds crap if this happens

this isn’t a normal or healthy way to react.

how is he with the children when they accidentally do something?

This happened at ours aswell my teenaged daughter blocked the drain and just kept the shower on, neither of us reacted the way your husband did

No. he's being absurd. What a stupid fuss. Is he always such a bully and a drama queen?

Leave the plaster to dry for two weeks and then apply a coat of white emulsion to the stain. All sorted for about £10 and maybe 20 minutes, including getting the ladder out.

I divorced my first husband. Looking back he was like this. Went mad when the kids dropped a bit of juice in the back of the car etc. totally out of proportion. It’s exhausting.

I think his reaction is pretty normal you nonchalantly did thousands of pounds worth of damage which he is going to have to fix. I assume by his statement that you ruin the house that you break other things. I knew somebody like this, and the lack of respect for nice things or their surroundings was horrible.

@Anotherparkingthread
First of all, there is no way that the amount of damage described is thousands of pounds worth. Ludicrous suggestion! My sister recently had a leak start under her bath that ended up bringing down part of the ceiling. She got the leak fixed and the ceiling repaired and repainted within days for a few hundred pounds.

Secondly, you say "which he is going to have to fix" when the OP has already stated that she has, and is, sorting it out herself.

"Nonchalantly" - you made that up. Nothing in her post suggests that was her attitude.

You "assume" that she breaks other things. Nothing in the post could lead you to assume that. You claim this because the DH says " you ruin the house", as if she makes a habit of damaging things. But if you read more carefully he said "ruined the house" as if he was talking about this one incident.

His reaction is in no way normal and the fact you think it is says much about you. Mind you, given how you have twisted and misinterpreted the OP perhaps one shouldn't be surprised

This.
Make plans to leave him.
A shower leak or similar is something that happens once or twice in every house.

Not the point of the tread but you need the damp seal stuff to put on first.

This will stop any water marks coming back through when you repaint.

Then just emulsion over it. It sounds like you caught it before major damage. Best to give it a while to thoroughly dry first and to check it hasn't tracked elsewhere.

His reaction isn't normal. It was a blocked drain not you

When you paint the brown patches, use a stain block.

I hope you feel better having typed all that out.

I disagree, and 99 percent of the people on here would go spare at their partners for doing something so bafflingly stupid. Op herself says she's far more relaxed about things, which is nonchalance when it comes to breaking things that aren't entirely yours to break.

But then I have a nice house and I like it nice, so perhaps others have lower standards for their homes as well as their partners.

@Moai you need an oil based under coat to paint over the stain, white emulsion over the top the following day and there will be evidence left on the celling.
You need to let it dry out for a day or two before painting it though.

He is b v un and emotional unkind.
it was an accident, stop apologising now. When he mentions it again say something like, I’ve said sorry, it’s fixable can you stop telling me off! I’m not a child and it’s my house too.

I did EXACTLY this, my husband gave me a hug, did a lot of worried muttering about house insurance and looked very stressed til it dried out. At no point was he horrible to me because it was a mistake. I don't think this is OK, I hope you can get help xx

No. We have much higher standards when it comes to partners.

This sounds abusive to me. It’s also the kind of thing my exh might have done

OP, you are incredibly lucky to have a partner who has never in his life made a mistake! He is absolutely unique and an arse. Ignore him. 😂

99 percent of the people on here would go spare at their partners for doing something so bafflingly stupid

Don't agree with this at all. If my husband did this I'd be sympathetic and help him fix it- we all fuck up sometimes.

OP, he sounds horrible. Shouting and throwing things is not on.

Yet 89% of people on here voted YANBU to the OP, I think your estimate of 99% is way off.

And, once again, I think you have misrepresented what the OP means when she says she is more relaxed about things. To me that doesn't read like she is casual about her treatment of their joint home and possessions. Rather that she is more understanding and tolerant when people screw up and realises the best way forward is to recognise that accidents happen instead of ranting and raving about it for days.

Edited as stupid phone changed YANBU to YABU

I can understand being annoyed at what happened, but that was a massive overreaction on his part - accidents happen!

Ones will shallow trays do, unless you have a literal 2 minute shower.

They shouldn’t do unless incorrectly fitted, or, as OP has said, hers was blocked.