AIBU to think this is too much cricket time?? Or am I too demanding?

[justatadannoyed]

My DH is a lovely man but the amount of time he spends playing cricket is driving me insane. It's at least one if not two evenings training a week, then the full Sunday playing each week, sometimes all across the county, so he is out at 12 and back at like 10pm. We have a young DC and I'd prefer it to be family time. But what really angers me is that there are so many things that need doing in the house- garden waste to be ferried away, things need fixing etc.- but unless I do them he won't because it's simply not his priority/ I think he finds it a bit tedious or trivial. Same if anything needs fixing, it's always me phoning the workmen etc. I got upset last night as he came back from cricket at like 9pm and had already agreed to play again next weekend, when it's supposed to be sunny and wonderful and I thought we could have a family day out... he is so quick with organising the cricket stuff but I organise everything else- AIBU to be upset about this or am I being the one asking too much? Please do let me know as I genuinely don't know if it's me being unreasonabl!

Do you get equal leisure time away from the children?

Unless he's suddenly taken it up, I think you're being a bit unreasonable. You've been together a number of years, you must have known that he does this.
He's away sunday. Why not do your family day out on saturday?

No, I don't... I do go out with friends often or for a hike or the gym, but nowhere near as much time as him. Which I wouldn't even want to- I like spending time with my DC (we have one, so it's not really about how much "work" it is, it's very manageable) but I find it very full on by myself and it's nice to spend time as a family...

I don’t know any mother that does 😳

If he isn’t getting back until 10pm he isn’t playing cricket. He’s in the bar with the boys after having beers.

Yeah this is too much - whole Sundays regularly is not what having a family is all about

Yanbu. My husband is a cricket fan and chose not to play when the kids were young for this very reason - it's basically an entire day lost at the weekend.

He's gone back to it now the kids are older which is absolutely fine.

The people I know who have made it work with young kids are very involved with the club as a family, so they're all down the club on a weekend.

Regardless, if he wants to do it then it means he makes up his parental contribution across the rest of the week.

what happens in the off season? Can you all go sometimes to watch ?

He's a selfish git, basically. 😀 No other interpretation.

Yesterday for example they started at 2pm, finished at 8pm, and yes he did have a couple of beers afterwards, which is fine by me in principle (he can of course see his friends!) but it's the every weekend thing that annoys me.

For me it would depend if he worked full time.. full time plus 2 evenings a week of training plus an entire Sunday I would not be OK with. If he worked part time and had time during the week to share the load at home, spend time as a family after school etc then I wouldn't mind. The people I know who play cricket and have families usually make the day out at the cricket - so the whole family would go to watch and spend the day there and their whole social circle largely evolves from cricket so it works.

Thats team sport, if they make a commitment to the team they are supposed to be committed.

You do need to have a serious chat before next season though.

However he can start stepping up at home now, with more DIY etc during the week or on Sunday mornings. Then Saturdays can be family time.

DH plays cricket. It's a full day every weekend, a 2 hour nets session once a week and coaching the colts for another 2 hours.

Yes it's a lot. But it's not year round. And I do get equal leisure time so it seems fair. He will miss the occasional weekend to go on holiday or for a wedding or similar but we try not to book too many things on summer weekends that take us away.

As with everything it's not the activity or even how much time it takes up, it's about whether he recognises that it is a degree of sacrifice on your part too and that you get to pick your time doing what you want at other times.

I don't mind going down occasionally to watch though it bores me out of my mind... it's a nice ground and it's nice to see people. Definitely not all day though!

Cricket is huge commitment. I know a few men who have played since their teens but they stopped for a few years when their DC’s were young.

My husband played cricket when DD was younger, I loved it. I used to go along, a lot of the wives did .. the kids would all play together, and I would get to sit in the sunshine, we were a big social group

I really miss it now all the kids are grown up, and the team disbanded ..

When I started going out with my now DH he started a hobby 5 years prior to our meeting...Throughout our time spent pre marriage he still continued, I knew full well he had a hobby that he would attend for one day most weekends, sometimes a full weekend. As far as I was concerned it was my choice if I stayed in a relationship with a person that I knew took their hobby seriously, could have decided it wasn't for me and ended the relationship, I've no right to ask they give up a hobby.

Once married and had DC there were times when he was really needed at home and he didn’t go, there were times he chose not to go, but never did, or would I expect him not to go 'just because'.

Isn't cricket seasonal?

I can see why your frustrated. My husband and I have pretty time consuming hobbies and we've started booking the odd week day off to do something together.

Do you have Saturdays together ? I duno it's hard, you're unhappy with the situation and that's valid but I don't think people should lose themselves too much in family life.

I think the problem is not so much the cricket time as his attitude the rest of the time. He needs to pull his weight around the house, with his child and spend time with the family. If he prioritises those things properly, there’s no reason he can’t also play cricket.

I do. I had a child. I didn’t sign up to spend my entire non-work waking life with them!

Presumably this was his hobby before you had a family and you knew that? When you commit to team sport you can't play now and again. What does he do to contribute on Saturday and the evenings he's not at cricket?

I think you need to agree that you will present him with a list of jobs that he has to do on a Sunday morning and if he doesn't get them done then he doesn't go. Then Saturday is family time. You have your own list of jobs that you will do on a Sunday morning so he can see its "fair" (I know it never is) and then you have as lazy an afternoon as you can with the DC.

I also had a cricket-obsessed husband. When we had our first child he stopped playing and took up a racquet sport instead that takes less time. It was his choice but I’m extremely glad he did. As others have said, this has been his hobby for a long time so and it’s a team commitment so I understand him wanting to play. Can you try embracing the club more and try to have fun/make friends there so it becomes a fun day/half day out when he’s local?

We have hobbies but I doubt it’s equal time in the vast majority of cases.

The nice thing about cricket is it's a relatively small chunk of the year. What does he do on Sundays between Sept and April? Have you got a lot of DIY and family time out of him in the rest of the year?

It can be more or less a family thing. The little ones will often run round together.

However I agree with PP, a lot of it is not so much the hours but the attitude. If he took the kids swimming on a Saturday, stuck some pizzas in the fridge for an easy tea Sunday, asked if you are ok to do all the childcare solo and found some way to show appreciation for you doing that, then it is very different from selfishly taking you for granted. I don't necessarily subscribe to the equal hours off thing, I think there can be a different "currency", but I do think that acknowledgement and appreciation, and the partner's freedom to say no, are super important. No one has to be available for every match.