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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday

60 replies

Roxy75 · 15/06/2025 20:41

Feeling like a 3rd wheel on a family holiday. On holiday with my partner and 3 of his family members. I paid for one of them to come with us. He’s been cold with me and I’m feeling like I can’t do a thing right. Lonely as hell but not much longer to go. He told me yesterday he doesn’t give a shit how I’m feeling but later apologised. Feeling like what the hell. I’m a total doormat!

OP posts:
Springadorable · 15/06/2025 20:41

Can you just go home? Or go off and do your own thing? Is it just your husband being a dick or are the family being off too?

MadamCholetsbonnet · 15/06/2025 20:42

Are you abroad? Can you just come home?

Moveoverdarlin · 15/06/2025 20:43

If someone said ‘I don’t give a shit how you’re feeling’ I would walk. Whether that was a partner, a boss, anyone. No one has talked to me like that in my life. I just would not have it.

Original poster
Roxy75 · 15/06/2025 20:45

They are lovely. He has been deliberately excluding me, not sitting by me and just making me feel awful. Usually we never stop chatting but now it’s silence. Can’t go home as abroad and not long left. He says they are his priority. Not sure how I feel about this comment

OP posts:
BakelikeBertha · 15/06/2025 20:48

Have you ever spent much time with these family members prior to the holiday OP, ie, were you aware of the dynamic they have, whereby you end up feeling left out? Having said what he has, I'm afraid I would really struggle to want to continue a relationship with your partner, as while he may have apologised, he clearly DOESN'T give a shit about your feelings. People don't say things like that if they don't mean them, and only apologise because they realise that what they've said is going to cause THEM a problem, so they apologise in the hope that YOU will forgive and forget, but in the moment, that was how he felt.

My advice? DUMP HIM and go home!

BakelikeBertha · 15/06/2025 20:50

Cross posted with your update OP. It seems that it's your partner that is the problem, not the way he is when he's with them. My advice still stands!

Springadorable · 15/06/2025 20:57

Yeah this would end the relationship for me. I'd probably limp through the remainder if his family are nice and just sunbathe or whatever, but as soon as we got back it would be over.

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 21:38

Guessing you didn’t get together this weekend

Endofyear · 15/06/2025 23:19

What a tosser! I'd ignore him now and bin him when you get home.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/06/2025 23:33

Who are the family members? Adults or kids - that would make a difference in where his priorities lie ie I’d expect kids to take the priority on holiday.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 16/06/2025 07:02

Are we talking about step children?

thepariscrimefiles · 16/06/2025 07:53

Why did you pay for one of his family to come on this holiday?

I would wait until I got home and then end the relationship. He sounds absolutely horrible.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/06/2025 07:55

Well you dump him as soon as you get back, surely?

Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 16/06/2025 07:55

The relationship is clearly over

PinkyFlamingo · 16/06/2025 07:56

What's the background? Who are these people and do you normally get on? Why did you pay? And I'm guessing your relationship with your partner is pretty awful anyway.

CountryVic · 16/06/2025 07:58

Who did you pay for? Do they know you paid for them and not him?

Clearinguptheclutter · 16/06/2025 07:58

It’s not clear who is being an arsehole is it your DP?

you definitely need to dump him

MaryGreenhill · 16/06/2025 08:05

Who is being nasty to you OP? The person you paid for or your partner ?
Regardless l would be getting a flight home l wouldn't stay there with them

honeylulu · 16/06/2025 08:25

So the family members are being nice and it's your partner (only) who is being cold/weird/rude towards you?

Completely out of order (unless there's a massive drip feed like he caught you snogging his brother or something).

As its near the end of the holiday you won't gain much and it will cost you a lot to leave earlier. Just go grey rock with him and end things once you're home.

Was the holiday OK at first and then he suddenly changed? Any idea what led to it? (I'm NOT saying it's your fault. )
How long have you been together?
Do you live together?
No kids?
What are the travel arrangements from the airport?
It sounds like you have your own independent income which is good.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 16/06/2025 08:32

@Roxy75 who are the family members and why did you have to pay for one??? I would be getting rid of him asap before you are thought of as the family atm!

Original poster
Roxy75 · 16/06/2025 08:33

we’ve been together almost 18 months and never had a crossed word. Family members are adult child partner and grandchild and his youngest who I paid for. They are all lovely and chatty but I feel like an inconvenience to him. I just think he’s gone off me.

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 16/06/2025 08:38

@Roxy75 and his youngest who I paid for. still does not explain why you paid for your partners child and your partner didnt! why did you have to pay?

Original poster
Roxy75 · 16/06/2025 08:54

She was a last minute addition and he couldn’t afford to add her. I thought it would be nice if she joined us so I paid

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 16/06/2025 08:59

Sounds like he’s used you to cross-subsidise his family holiday. Ignore him, chat to the nice rest of his family, and dump him when you get home.

Original poster
Roxy75 · 16/06/2025 20:45

I feel a bit like a meal ticket. Oh well, last day tomorrow and then home. Probably to lick my wounds lol. Been such a long week and been so sad and felt so ugly and unwanted. Roll on my own bed x

OP posts:
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