To think I have to call it a day

[Booboo7]

Been with DH 8 years, we both had children when we meet and have not had any together. I have 2 x DS (14&12) and he has 1 DD (16) and 1 DS (12). The issue is that when his DS is due to stay I can feel my mood becoming low and I am really struggling the whole time he is here. His DS ignores me when I talk to him 95% of the time and just glares at me, I have raised this with DH too many times to count over the last 3 years and don’t have the energy to keep doing it as it’s draining and nothing improves. When DSS is here I feel so on edge and uncomfortable in my own home.
i dearly love DH and he is a great husband to me but is it wrong to think that feeling like this is not healthy and it’s best to just walk awa

I think if you love him as much as you do stay his kid will grow up and not come as much this happens with kids and natural parents do you really want to lose a great husband over a spoilt 12 year old.

Do you live together and your dc live there full time? Do his dc have rooms of their own when they stay with their dad?

Don’t go. The sulky tween isn’t more important than you are, let alone in your own home.

DH needs to get DS some manners, quick.

Yes we live together and each child has their room in our home- my children do have the larger of the bedrooms compared to step children as this is their home (their dad isn’t involved so they are here100%) of the time

@Booboo7 Then this exactly.

There is only so many arguing can have about his sons manners and rudeness which is my issue. stepson maintains to his dad he has no issue with me but that clearly not the case- these conversations were had away from the home with just DH at my recommendation so step son could feel he had the chance to talk to dad without me.
pulling him up on the ignoring me has made no difference and after 3 years I don’t have the energy or care to keep on and on trying to get him to have basic manners and engage

Then stop arguing and accept that DSS is a sulky little twat. That’s fine he doesn’t have to like you and you don’t have to like him. Stop talking to him and treat him like a lamp.

You might find that by doing this, things ease up between the two of you.

It's weird that in one breath you say 'I dearly love him' and in another you want to dump him because his 12 year old doesn't like you very much.

He won't be 12 forever!

Is your DH supportive of you? I separated from my DH under similar circumstances, but he thought his child could do no wrong and at times I felt he almost encouraged them to mistreat me.

Just make plans to do stuff with your own dc when he is there.. Every time. And stop trying to engage...
My dh makes effort hugely with my dc and they we would never be allowed to be rude.. Maybe your dh is to blame here. He is allowing the disrespect to become the norm...
Change the WiFi password regularly and deny all knowledge..
Sullen teens isn't an acceptance of rude little gits...

I’m interested to know what your kids make of the situation

Wholeheartedly agree with this.

He thinks he has the power because you try, stop trying and ignore him.

Just blank the little shit. Treat him like he treats you.

If only teens could be switched off like a lamp....
<sighs >

Ok this made me lol 😂

It's his home too, even if he's not there all the time.

Which is why he has his own room 🤷‍♀️ it’s unlikely the OP is recreating Harry Potter’ cupboard bedroom under the stairs.

I was thinking the same. He probably knows he is able to make you feel uncomfortable with his rudeness, so tae that power away.
Just blank him. Don't greet him. Or try to engage him I conversation. This might confuse him enough for him to be a bit more friendly.

Do this! Don’t bend over trying to get this right, it’s a thankless task. Just ignore him back.

Have your own sons said anything about this? What's the relationship like between the children?

What are you doing to build a relationship with the 12 year old? He’s a child from a broken home, perhaps he’s struggling.

So OP should be happy to be treated like shit in her own home then? Bollocks to that. The father needs to sort this out and until he does, OP should treat the kid in the same manner as he treats her.

My children have watched and seen and now keep conversation with DSS to a minimum and have pulled him up before on thinks like- ‘my mum is talking to you’. Step son is very different to them and his style and interests are different so they don’t have much in common but they will also talk to him and are polite

Treat the son the same way he treats you. Ignore him.he needs to learn to respect you. Anyway...thank you lucky stars he doesn't live with you. Make sure that never happens.

Ignore PP talking about a 'broken home'. Your own kids can manage to be civil and they are also from a 'broken home'. ( I hate that phrase as it is designed to make people feel guilty when they have to get divorced). You have obviously tried to build a relationship but had no response.

OP if you love your DH then there is no sense in splitting up over this little shit, that's what he wants.

I like the idea of treating him like a lamp. You could say to your DH that you're done making an effort with his son and from now on you will ignore him. Go through your DH if you need to know something. "DH, can you ask lamp if he will be here for dinner tomorrow". If you stop letting him get to you he might grow up and accept things won't change.