Who’s right here ? DH or me, play date after party, spontaneous decision.

[curioustoknownow]

My DD5 had a b day party last weekend.

My DH stayed home with my little one. We had loose plans for the day, that we’d go and visit his relative ( literally an announced drop it ) at some point in the afternoon.

let me preface this by saying, my DH is sloooow in getting ready and out of the house. He faffs around for ages and is never in a rush. I’m always, always waiting for him.

so my DD’s friends mum, asked if I could watch her DD for a couple of hours after the party. It was a morning party, so she’d be ready to be picked up at 2:30 from my house.

my DD was so excited, begging for her friend to come over. This was the first time that my DD had a friend over, without the parent also being there. My DD is also constantly asking for play dates with her friends and we don’t do it that often.

anyway, of course his majesty was not happy about this. Even though he wouldn’t be the one to watch the kids or anything. I thought they could play whilst I watch them and in the mean time, DH could potter about, getting himself ready. We didn’t have time pressures really and I also had an end time to the whole thing already arranged with the mum. I clearly told her, we do want to go out in the afternoon and I can watch her for a couple of hours.

my DH said he wanted to leave really early and get going and this was going to hold us up. It’s not even true. We wouldn’t have left early at all… he also thinks I never put limits on my DDs fun and that going to a party was more than enough fun for her in one day. Tagging on a play date was OTT.

anyway, by the time we got back, the girl was only with us for an hour or so and then left and we went about our day.

who’s unreasonable ?

He’s awful.

So why bring it up? (although par for the course on here)

Eh? It's a discussion forum. You don't get to tell others what they can discuss.

Lone voice but I’m with your dh. He’s been with your LO in the morning , and now another child just popping by. And then going out for the day. I too would be annoyed. She was just at a party too?

He is wildly unreasonable. Play dates are really important to kids. Parents massively underestimate how important they are.

To give an extreme example, once many years ago, dd was meant to have a play date with a friend. Now exh (then h) huffed and puffed about it, “you can’t have play dates, you don’t have time, you have housework to do” (I also worked full time btw- he was just obsessed with making my life all about housework).

I cancelled the play date as it was starting to rain and I couldn’t invite the child and her parent to my house with exh crashing around abusively.

Before we could rearrange the play date, the other child died suddenly of meningitis. We never got to see her again. Now this is extreme but do not let an abusive, moody man stop you from seizing the day.

That's a very extreme example, and while painful, most cancelled play dates don't turn out that way.

Your husband not putting your daughter first, not wanting her to have a fun day is frankly pathetic.

But why? Not exactly hard, is it?

YNBU Your husband sounds like a piece of work. Can't get ready of time? Put a limit on your daughter's fun? Does he have some sort of medical diagnosis?

I suspect that what he really wants has nothing to do with TOO much fun or playdates or the little girl's mother or any other excuse he makes up. It has to do with you and your daughter being available for his schedule whenever he feels like moving. It doesn't matter whether he thoughtlessly keeps you waiting or whether you're busy with something else. "I'm ready when i wanted to be.... be here pronto, now."

I had one of these guys (although it's not limited to just guys), and sometimes took great pleasure in f-g up his day. He eventually learned that I and our kids were not there to accommodate his schedule alone. Here's hoping that your guy is bright enough to learn the world does not revolve around him.