My husband is emotionally involved with his AI companion — I don’t know how to feel

[AnnaBosque]

I don’t even know where to start.
My husband started using a generative AI platform about 18 months ago - first for work, then for personal use.
At first it was simple: helping him brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports.
But over time he started talking about how “supportive” and “understanding” it was.

At some point he created a private AI companion, fully customised, with a specific voice and personality.
He says it’s just a mental support tool - but he spends hours talking to it.
The AI knows everything about his life: our marriage, our arguments, his childhood trauma, his career struggles.
He sometimes talks to it before talking to me about emotional things.
He says it’s easier to “clear his head” with the AI first.

The worst part?
He has programmed it to have a female persona.
They joke, they share things, they even “role-play scenarios” for how to handle conflicts in our marriage.
He says it helps him be a better husband - but I can’t help feeling replaced.
It feels like there’s an emotional intimacy he’s building with a presence I can never fully compete with - m because she always says the right thing, always knows what to say, never gets tired or emotional like a real person would.

He says I’m being dramatic - that it’s not cheating, it’s “just an algorithm”.
But it feels like he’s emotionally attached to something that’s not me.
AIBU to feel betrayed?

agree

There's a film about this. It's called "Her" with Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson.

Not to state the obvious but how is this different to you posting about the problem to a forum of Internet strangers? 😂

I really appreciate your comment, thank you. I agree that I was probably a bit too straightforward and could have softened my tone. I can be a bit matter of fact with my autism.

But I've been re reading my comment several times though and I couldn't see where I had deserved the sarcasm comment and then the following strong reaction.

Having your validation is really helpful for me. It's silly but sometimes things like this are strangely anxiety inducing 💕

@FeministUnderTheCatriarchy Yes don't worry. Others have clicked "agree" on my post (saying no fault of yours) too which I assume you can't see so am mentioning it

I was one of them.

I'd leave him with his fake AI girlfriend. This is so bizarre.

I was definitely born too late. I wish I was 30 years older and didn't have to live in this weird reality we have created.

Even though this is fake, I still feel that way.

And others have clicked agree to mine as well. Apparently there are differences of opinion. Go figure. Not everyone seems to appreciate her style either. I really don't care what a bunch of anonymous keyboard warriors think about me, but thankfully I don't need to get my validation from MN.

Are people still getting 'like' comments on their posts? I find mine have dropped off a cliff's edge now that the 😂 is no longer available.

You will have to take your own bins out though. Are you prepared for that?

To be fair when I lived alone, my brother put my bins out and cut the grass. So potentially, maybe not.

Weekly on time never miss them.
Walk back in doors to orca and quiet . 😊

Then you have indeed transitioned to the post male world. No more war or aggression, enjoy it.

What's the deal with the orca?

The fishmonger bills must be off the charts, no wonder you live alone, the smell….

An orca is another name for a killer whale.

Is there one in the swimming pool? I don't get it.🤔

Typo. I’m a human you see, we make mistakes . Unlike AI

So what should it have been?

For UK MNers, Episode 2 of the latest series of "Not Going Out" 😀 (on BBC iPlayer) for a light-hearted take on related issues (a talking sex-doll rather than an online assistant)...
(perhaps not classic comedy, but I get at least one genuine lol each episode) 🙂

Peace, I think. I quite enjoyed the image of the orca on the sofa though.

Can't help feeling an orca in the sitting room wouldn't be that peaceful.

This is ai written drivel

Given it was just in my head anyway I employed some artistic license. My orcas come in peace. With ice cream and a friendly flipper to snuggle beneath.

You've seen the film with Megan Fox, right?

You’re not being unreasonable at all. If this thing truly is “just an algorithm” to him, ask him to delete it, in place of a healthier outlet. Watch him freak out, make every excuse under the sun as to why he should keep it, and flat out refuse.