My husband is emotionally involved with his AI companion — I don’t know how to feel

[AnnaBosque]

I don’t even know where to start.
My husband started using a generative AI platform about 18 months ago - first for work, then for personal use.
At first it was simple: helping him brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports.
But over time he started talking about how “supportive” and “understanding” it was.

At some point he created a private AI companion, fully customised, with a specific voice and personality.
He says it’s just a mental support tool - but he spends hours talking to it.
The AI knows everything about his life: our marriage, our arguments, his childhood trauma, his career struggles.
He sometimes talks to it before talking to me about emotional things.
He says it’s easier to “clear his head” with the AI first.

The worst part?
He has programmed it to have a female persona.
They joke, they share things, they even “role-play scenarios” for how to handle conflicts in our marriage.
He says it helps him be a better husband - but I can’t help feeling replaced.
It feels like there’s an emotional intimacy he’s building with a presence I can never fully compete with - m because she always says the right thing, always knows what to say, never gets tired or emotional like a real person would.

He says I’m being dramatic - that it’s not cheating, it’s “just an algorithm”.
But it feels like he’s emotionally attached to something that’s not me.
AIBU to feel betrayed?

You clearly missed the module on sarcasm.

I don't know if the OP is AI generated or not. I could certainly have written it that way, colons and all, but then I've been known to use Latin in texts. (And I use the em dash a lot. Oh dear.)

However to get a flavour of these female AI companions, and how it is perfectly possible to become emotionally involved, watch this. It's from France 24, via MSN.

How AI is reinventing misogyny | Watch

The third post called it as AI and several others have said so too and we've had a discussion about what gives it away.

Surely the tell is how basic and predictable the writing is, not how sophisticated it is (which I assume is what you're trying to imply by mentioning Latin). Chatgpt uses colons and dashes in such enthusiastic abundance, it's basically purple prose.

Anyway, as someone who uses AI virtually 24/7 for content creation (paid ChatGPT user on highest plan), OP's post is very obviously ChatGPT's standard copywriting narrative format. Your tone doesn't strike me as AI-esque in any way at all. A user could tweak the prompts so the output has a markedly different tone (don't get ideas, OP 😂) but it looks like OP is a bit of an AI noob and just asked it to write a post sans further prompts

For those who are questioning whether this situation might be real or not, I strongly suspect it might be.

My best friend has effectively formed a hugely dependent relationship on ChatGPT. She uses it like the OP’s DH - upon waking, asking for motivation and advice, disclosing some very sensitive information etc. She fully acknowledges that it is a proxy for a friend or even boyfriend.

OP - like others, I would face this head on to tell your DH that it is making you feel uncomfortable. Ask them to wean themselves off this dependency.

@NoodlesMcGee I've no doubt such situations exist (nothing sinister about that IMO, Big Bad AI narrative peddled by people glued to their phones on wifi – 2 relatively new inventions – makes me roll my eyes a bit). But the post is very, very clearly chatgpt, from top to bottom. Take it from someone who outputs roughly hundreds of chatgpt posts a week for content creation

I do struggle with sarcasm due to being ND. Not everyone has the same understanding of humour.

No need to say things in an unkind way.

It wasn't unkind, but your comment was uncalled for and quite nasty. Perhaps practice what you preach?

Chilling.

And no doubt the call will be for women to step up and get into the field to address the issue if they don't like it - while spinning the multiple real world plates we are expected to juggle already.

No question of putting the brakes on, just get with the programme. Talk about a "soul trap".

Jesus wept.

Please tell me how my comment was nasty or unkind? I've gone back to read it and I truly can't see where it was either of those things.

Ask him how much the AI bespoke assistant costs every month. It could be £20, or it could be £200.

Everything in it has come from him so it’s his own persona. Also have you seen this
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/13/technology/chatgpt-ai-chatbots-conspiracies.html

Of course the AI is more fucking supportive than a real human being . Humans are selfish, and emotionally messy, none of them are endlessly supportive with no conflicting needs at all in their relationships.

Sometimes we forget, that one of the best aspects of a long term relationship, whether it us platonic or romantic or sexual is the growth aspect. How we are changed by others and how they change us. How our jagged edges rub against the other person's jagged edges . Sometimes this is a very difficult and long process and it can hurt. Sometimes it hurts a lot and does not aways have a positive outcome , depending on a many things including the intentions of the participants. Sometimes we give up because we are being changed for the worse.

However, if we are peristent and lucky enough, when we do end up smoothing down those jagged edges against someone else's so that we fit together in a unique way we can't with anyone else, that is one of the joys of being human, social animals that we are

You absolutely cannot get that from an AI programmed to give you only what you need or want.

It is similar to having a crush on a fantasy person, in that a real relationship will never live up to it. Though in my opinion it is worse since the AI gives the illusion of a 2 way relationship whereas a fantasy crush is clearly not a relationship of any sort. Not even the person with the crush believes that, not unless they are mentally ill.

Fuck me I really feel like I have lived too long. I absolutely would not be happy ro stay with somebody who has so given up on the idea of having a relationship with me ,that they choose instead to 'talk to' an AI.

An AI to reflect back to them all their own narcissistic needs and desires, one that basically tells them how wonderful they are all the time, how right they are. Hmm

I did not ask you to "correct" my comment as if it was homework that you had set. You said "And PP who think that AI simply writes like "an older person who went to school" is also incorrect." - no it is not "incorrect". It is an opinion and you do not get to tell people what their opinion is. You are not the world's leading expert on AI speak. You have an opinion. You have every right to express that opinion but you do not get to tell other people they are "incorrect". I was not even addressing any comment made by you. You say that not everybody has the same understanding of humour - well not everybody enjoys a blunt "incorrect" from the local schoolmarm.

And whilst it was a humourous comment on my part it is also not entirely without some validity - I have been accused of being AI before now because of the way I write; and given the standards of English that I see these days, even from graduates, many younger people would certainly be at no risk of ever being accused of being AI.

I’ve got the ick and he isn’t even my husband

I think our communication styles are just incompatible. Neither of us vibe with each other's comments.

I find you incredibly abrasive and unnecessarily combative so I won't be replying further.

Take care

I was going to say this is essentially a potential get out of jail free card for partners (men) to conduct emotional affairs with the excuse that they aren’t REAL women. They get their little egos boosted when we they need it and everything is good bc they’re not likely to run off with a robot.

But emotional affairs aren’t all about the possibility of physical intimacy and desertion - it’s the lack of communication with their primary partners and withdrawal from the relationship/ family life that’s the fundamental issue.

I thought "vibe" was an AI tell word??? And there is no apostrophe in "others".

I find you very rude and offensive and your response to being told that is to attack others. But whatever. Have a nice life. Please feel free not to respond to any post I ever make anywhere.

And there is no apostrophe in "others".

Oh dear. You are clearly not an AI.

In the name of 'research', I decided to use ChatGPT for an impromptu therapy session this morning. First time ever using that platform.

It woz great. I gret like a baby and feel quite cleansed as a result. Now I'm off to buy crisps. Cheers OP.

Radical with Amol Rajan - AI and Sexism: The Fight Against Misogyny Online - BBC Sounds

Ask him to pose this question to his ai gf

@FeministUnderTheCatriarchy don't really want to get involved in this bun fight but rest assured there was nothing nasty at all about your comment, maybe a bit straightforward but someone would've been very sensitive to take offense.

The "missed the module on sarcasm" comment from the poster was definitely meant to be mean. That poster is just a raging hypocrite trying frantically to backtrack now, just ignore her 😂

There is a possessive apostrophe in "each other's opinion", for future reference. You have massively overreacted to her original post, then got embarrassed and tried to turn the tables by accusing her of being nasty. It's obvious to everyone. Maybe plug the conversation into chatgpt and see what it thinks ;)

PS: Not trying to put the boot in but they were right that you are mistaken about how to identify AI. It's not just about sounding coherent or being grammatically correct. Content-wise, chatgpt follows certain copywriting and narrative rules which are very predictable

Not really a response, but I wonder if this will get to be so common that it will needs its own Mumsnet section.