My husband is emotionally involved with his AI companion — I don’t know how to feel

[AnnaBosque]

I don’t even know where to start.
My husband started using a generative AI platform about 18 months ago - first for work, then for personal use.
At first it was simple: helping him brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports.
But over time he started talking about how “supportive” and “understanding” it was.

At some point he created a private AI companion, fully customised, with a specific voice and personality.
He says it’s just a mental support tool - but he spends hours talking to it.
The AI knows everything about his life: our marriage, our arguments, his childhood trauma, his career struggles.
He sometimes talks to it before talking to me about emotional things.
He says it’s easier to “clear his head” with the AI first.

The worst part?
He has programmed it to have a female persona.
They joke, they share things, they even “role-play scenarios” for how to handle conflicts in our marriage.
He says it helps him be a better husband - but I can’t help feeling replaced.
It feels like there’s an emotional intimacy he’s building with a presence I can never fully compete with - m because she always says the right thing, always knows what to say, never gets tired or emotional like a real person would.

He says I’m being dramatic - that it’s not cheating, it’s “just an algorithm”.
But it feels like he’s emotionally attached to something that’s not me.
AIBU to feel betrayed?

Apps such as Nomi.ai, are becoming more prevalent. I imagine a lot of people have created AI companions without the knowledge of their partner.

OP, I think you can identify what you dislike about this, make your position clear, and then get on with life. Make a distinction between what you can and can't do. It's hard to know whether this will help or not, and I can see issues with this around his vulnerabilities and becoming dependent - but you can only do as much as you can. You need to decide what your solid lines are around this, what you'll tolerate.

Or you could, like, infiltrate his device, replace the AI with yourself, and manipulate him into doing what is best for him. Jokes obvs, who has time for that. That's probably what's most enticing about AI tbh, the fact that it's always available.

@PlasticAcrobat This thread is the second one in which I've read that the em dash is a 'tell' for AI. I use it a lot. It's very useful. Now genuinely worried I'm a robot.

I have similarly been reading what the "tells" are with a level of concern. I am 67. When I was young, using articulate language, grammatically constructed prose, and good punctuation was not called "AI". It was called "going to school".

Yes please ☹️

It is LITERALLY a black mirror episode (think it's called be right back) very similar altho slightly different tbf

If this is real this is weird
I would tell him to ditch it or I would leave.

AI could have some role in the em dashes - I often uses dashes when I write, and Word sometimes converts them, which is a form of AI (it's just programming.)

It's really annoying when I have deliberately put a double dash, and it changes it to a single one when I'm documenting Linux processes, as some Linux options use a single dash, others use a double dash, and if I'm writing "-v is the same as --volume" I don't mean it's "the same as ‐volume". Usually I catch it and fix it, but there are probably some which slip through, and it takes extra time checking and correcting. Then it seems to learn for a bit and then it forgets again. Not that this is relevant. I just needed to rant about it.

Buy him a blow up doll and leave him to it. By leaving him.
He can treat AI Jane however he likes. It’s not normal behaviour in a marriage,

I mean it's cheating right... in a way...
Emotionally at least.

Speaking to the AI about stuff before you. Telling it your arguments...

Haha! And so it begins!😂

I'm sure I've heard an advert, advertising a podcast of this exact scenario.

You need to divorce your DH if you’re finding an algorithm more satisfying than another person. Also think about yourself AI is designed to be sycophantic in order to keep using it. You’re in a dangerous echo chamber that is preventing you sorting out your real life issues

Sometimes I wonder how much more advanced humanity would be if the world wasn't controlled by men.

I'll just leave this here.

And surely you can only be 'involved' if there is emotional connection from the other side as well? Otherwise it's just a crush, exactly like falling in love with someone on the TV or in a picture. AI can hardly tell him all about their hard childhood and ask his advice on what colour to pain their living room, can it? So it's unreciprocated, and therefore not real.

I read these threads and try to learn from them, but I still can't spot a troll so how in the hell am I going to spot AI? I like using a "-", so I wonder if others will now think I'm not real - that's an odd existential side effect to this whole thing. What kind of bizarro world is this? I'm not terribly old, mid 50's, but I'm not at all interested in tech, so the AI stuff is passing me by so far. Daily though, I now hear of at least one mention of someone from my social world using AI. I can see I'm going to end up being one of those bit-part side characters in those dystopian future films/books who's running around the countryside munching on lentils by candle light. I would add "nodding sagely", but I know I'm not a representative of the future in this scenario, so it will be more "laughing crazily"!

I would tell him he doesn't have my permission to share any of my personal details with AI. Certainly not details of any arguments we have had, private conversations etc. It's a massive betrayal of trust.

An AI connection shouldn't be underestimated. AIs offer a safe space without judgment, and they're programmed to be supportive and comforting. Of course, it's not the same as a human relationship. My concern is that people who use them can become overly reliant, thereby hindering a healthy relationship with real people. What if the AI offers harmful advice? Where's the regulation?

You don't need to worry.
The em dash isn't the only "tell".

And PP who think that AI simply writes like "an older person who went to school" is also incorrect.

Fyi I posted the above without seeing PPs posts about the dashes!

I remember back in the day when Internet connections were new and people were falling in love online all over the world with people they'd never met. I do remember thinking, "What are the odds that all these incredibly smart, sexy, emotionally engaging, fascinating people are spending tons of time on Internet chatrooms and Second Life? What are the odds that there's something about the medium that primes people for this kind of thing?" And I spent time in chat rooms myself too, so I do remember feeling surprised at how quickly I felt an affinity with anonymous people after just a short exchange (and of course there were all the men sending me messages trying to cyber, as we called it back in the day). Nothing sexual or romantic, but I was aware of how it happened.

AI seems to be that kind of thing on steroids. Before, you could fill in the blanks and build a fantasy up in your head. Now AI fills those blanks and externalises the whole thing. Is it a plus or a minus that there's nobody there?

Jokes on all of you

Did you read even the first few comments?

Wow, that is mind blowing for me.
I know very little to AI and I'm planning to keep it this way.
People will because more isolated.

I've habitually used dashes from a young age. In fact, the country I'm from has a much higher level of English literacy than the UK. You often see comma splices/run-on sentences even in formal writing by Brits. The way chatgpt uses dashes can hardly be considered sophisticated. It's such a predictable formula (based around copywriting rules) that it's identifiable upon sight.

Only the first page. Virtually everyone was clutching their pearls 😂