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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Puppy dilemma - it’s not her, it’s us

332 replies

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 15:45

Brought home a gorgeous 2 month puppy two weeks ago; the kids wanted one for years, DP and I are mildly pro-dog, thought it’d be great for us as a family, everyone says they’re great, unconditional love blah blah.

Being fair, she’s a perfect puppy so far - quickly getting the crate and toilet training and is now sleeping through from 11-7am, minimal accidents in the house. Hard work but manageable.

We are the problem - despite her gorgeousness, we are all a little meh. DD2 seems to be allergic; puffy eyes and sneezing. The kids have zero interest - spent maybe 30mins with her since she landed. DP and I are enjoying her somewhat but also my OCD is going through the roof, googling amputees from dog licks etc.

Am interested to hear others views on this as I think it’s a case of it’s not her, it’s us …. the breeder is fine to take her back as she has a waiting list for an adorable puppy who is mostly trained! Just wondering if it’s fairer all around to do this?

OP posts:
TheTealBee · 14/06/2025 17:50

Well I suppose you have realised quite quickly that you don't actually want a dog. Why on earth didn't you think about this before you got it, this poor puppy deserves so much better than you! Take it back to the breeder and give it a chance at having a good, loving home. Please never get a puppy again.

ButteredRadish · 14/06/2025 17:50

Just don’t get angry if the breeder refuses to give you all of your money back. They suddenly will have an added responsibility don’t forget, until new owners are found and that will cost. Whether the breeder will recoup those costs from the new owners or from what you’ve paid, depends on the breeder.

MoominUnderWater · 14/06/2025 17:51

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

This.

Septembiosis · 14/06/2025 17:51

Leaving everything else aside, you made a mistake, but you've cared for the puppy. It's not as though you've mistreated or neglected it. If it's not working out, I'd say you're definitely right to return the puppy and let it find a new home, the sooner the better.

Puppies can be a lot of work, and it's normal to momentarily regret the decision to take on the extra work of training and caring for a needle-toothed ball of fur. But this sounds like more than that, and if one of your children is allergic, that's an important consideration.

I don't think it's unreasonable to return the puppy to the breeder, but it would be unreasonable to try again without doing more research and prep-work to prevent this happening a second time.

noctilucentcloud · 14/06/2025 17:51

I think you (as in you and your husband, not the kids) need to seriously think if you're willing to put in all the time and effort required for the next 10-15 years. That means training, regular walks whatever the weather, mental stimulation, play, grooming, health care etc. And it needs to be you as adults who are willing to do this, you can't rely on the kids and depending on their age they may move out anyway. You also need to change your life to make sure the dog isn't left alone too long and consider things like who will look after the dog if you go away. Things will get tougher as the pup hits adolescence, especially if you don't put in the time and effort now. If you, the adults, aren't willing and happy to do take on that responsibility, or indeed don't look forward to that, then return the pup to the breeder. It's better to do that sooner rather than later than let the situation drag out.

MalcolmMoo · 14/06/2025 17:53

Wow. You’re all a bit “meh” about the dog… what have I just read!
Send her to a loving home and never get another pet again.

Original poster
neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 17:55

The breeder is a family friend; we won’t be looking for any money back and are fine to keep minding her / pay until something is sorted. This is totally on us and of course we’re not going to get another dog ever.

OP posts:
Fhina1244 · 14/06/2025 17:55

tropicalteas · 14/06/2025 15:57

Ffs it’s not that they aren’t a decent family ! One has allergies and it hasn’t worked out. They are very responsible for reconsidering the situation so quickly and speaking to
the breeder.

Show quote history

One would hope that a ‘decent’ family and a decent pet owner would consider all these things before making the decision to invite a puppy into their family.

Joystir59 · 14/06/2025 17:56

Poor puppy. Hand it back to the breeder asap. Do not get another dog.

BloodandGlitter · 14/06/2025 17:57

I think we need to stop shaming people who rehome their pets. Responsible rehoming is the act of a good pet owner. Someone who doesn't care isn't going to spend the time to find a proper home/rescue for their animal and are far more likely to dump it or neglect it.
When we vilify people for giving up their pets the proper way it just encourages people to do it the wrong way so they won't be shamed for their choices.
Sometimes things just don't work out the way we think it will.

BIossomtoes · 14/06/2025 17:58

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 17:55

The breeder is a family friend; we won’t be looking for any money back and are fine to keep minding her / pay until something is sorted. This is totally on us and of course we’re not going to get another dog ever.

Edited

Very sensible. Don’t offer to mind her, just hand her back. The less she’s bonded with you the better.

mybrainpills · 14/06/2025 18:00

Send the puppy back asap if the kids want a pet get them a fish.

Isouf · 14/06/2025 18:00

I love dogs and my dog is literally our family. You already realised it was a bad decision. You are fortunate the breader will take her back so just do it asap.

The only thing i ask (if i may) is that you dont forget this experience..so in a couple of years you wont be buying another one cause 'it ill be different this time'.

Tutorpuzzle · 14/06/2025 18:00

neverwakeasleepingpuppy · 14/06/2025 17:55

The breeder is a family friend; we won’t be looking for any money back and are fine to keep minding her / pay until something is sorted. This is totally on us and of course we’re not going to get another dog ever.

Edited

This is a very sensible approach. If you see yourselves as a loving foster family, happy to house train, cuddle (lots of cuddles!) and walk, I’m sure your pup will find a forever home very soon.

Lougle · 14/06/2025 18:01

I think it's ok to say you made a mistake and give the puppy back. However, love isn't instant. They need time to develop a personality and bond with you. At first it's just relentless pee/poo/feed/chew, just like a newborn.

Secondly, a bit of piriton while your DD gets used to the dog can help.

Thirdly, DD3 has OCD. She has a dog. At first she couldn't even touch dogs. Now they have proper kisses. It can change.

catlover123456789 · 14/06/2025 18:05

I am not sure I can say I immediately loved or adored any of my cats right away, it took some time. That said, they were all adult cats with various issues, not cute fluffy kittens. It sounds like you'd prefer a cat tbh.

viques · 14/06/2025 18:06

Poor puppy. hope the breeder takes more care with choosing her next family.

I hear there are some absolutely gorgeous pet stones available at garden centres these days, you might want to consider getting one.

Tofana · 14/06/2025 18:09

Ive read less riled comments on here when women have slapped toddlers. This place never fails to amaze me.

The dog is fed, warm, comfortable. Hopefully will soon be with a more suitable family. I foster dogs, I hope nobody ever has a pop at me over dogs getting attached to my family and then being rehomed to their (hopeful) forever homes.
Dogs are quite tough, I get a lot of ones who’s owners are too sick or have passed away, never had one that’s been upset for too long and it’s unusual for them to not settle with their new family so hopefully the puppy will be settled with her new family with no issues in no time.

ClayPipe · 14/06/2025 18:11

Are you prepared to give her up and not know where she might end up. She sounds settled if she's sleeping through the night and you have put a lot of work in already. Also you're at home in the day which is ideal.
Maybe you just need a bit more time to bond, it can be overwhelming at first.

Goodlorditssummer · 14/06/2025 18:13

@BloodandGlitter Well yes. But responsible pet owners do their research, take advice from other pet owners, spend time with the type of animal they are thinking of getting and have some self awareness too? If you are “mildly pro” about the idea of getting a dog, the sensible thing to do is not get one? This isn’t a toy, it’s a living, sentient being. Fortunately in this scenario, the breeder will take it back, but for many puppies, they are bought on a whim by irresponsible people who haven’t thought it through. They end up being passed from pillar to post then labelled as “rescue” and therefore somehow “deficient” in the eyes of many. Rescues are literally overflowing. That is not a dog problem. It’s a people problem. This dog needs to be given back to the breeder. But, to be honest, it’s not a good example for the children involved. Dogs are not disposable.

toomuchfaff · 14/06/2025 18:14

Beetletweetle · 14/06/2025 15:47

Send her back as soon as possible so she can go to a decent family and never get another animal again.

Agree

OneBrightMorning · 14/06/2025 18:14

I definitely believe that a dog is a lifelong commitment. But you have realized very quickly that dog ownership is not for you. It's a bit surprising that you were unaware of this fact earlier when you looked after other people's dogs. But in any case, the best thing for the puppy is to return her to the breeder. She deserves to live with a family that will love her with all their hearts, not people who are at best indifferent.

thesilliestgoose · 14/06/2025 18:18

This reply has been deleted

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Glitchymn1 · 14/06/2025 18:20

@neverwakeasleepingpuppy Not sure why voting is saying YABU
Return the puppy - they’re hard work, puppies suck. I have one- but I love her, I knew it was going to be HELL ON EARTH. I made peace with that, I knew it would be hell and ultimately very worth it for the next 15-20 years I hope.

Let her go.

BloodandGlitter · 14/06/2025 18:22

@Goodlorditssummer one of the main reasons OP is rehoming is because her DD is allergic. OP sounds like she went to a good breeder who is willing to take the animal back and at such a young age the puppy will have no problem finding a home. This is better than the OP trying to stick it out for however many years and the dog being neglected for this time and then passed onto a rescue centre to rehome and fix all the behavioural issues the neglect has caused.
People aren't perfect they make mistakes, shaming them from it means they'll hide those mistakes and things will only be worse for the animal.