Puppy dilemma - it’s not her, it’s us

[neverwakeasleepingpuppy]

Brought home a gorgeous 2 month puppy two weeks ago; the kids wanted one for years, DP and I are mildly pro-dog, thought it’d be great for us as a family, everyone says they’re great, unconditional love blah blah.

Being fair, she’s a perfect puppy so far - quickly getting the crate and toilet training and is now sleeping through from 11-7am, minimal accidents in the house. Hard work but manageable.

We are the problem - despite her gorgeousness, we are all a little meh. DD2 seems to be allergic; puffy eyes and sneezing. The kids have zero interest - spent maybe 30mins with her since she landed. DP and I are enjoying her somewhat but also my OCD is going through the roof, googling amputees from dog licks etc.

Am interested to hear others views on this as I think it’s a case of it’s not her, it’s us …. the breeder is fine to take her back as she has a waiting list for an adorable puppy who is mostly trained! Just wondering if it’s fairer all around to do this?

The human chose the dog. The dog didn’t and doesn’t have a choice.

Nope, you're really not horrible at all. Ignore the mean sods on here. You made a mistake for your family. That's all. So what if you're a bit "meh" over a puppy.

Hand the pup back whilst it's still cute and they'll be a massive market for it. It's not the end of the world.

Dogs are hard work. I love them, but would never get one (I dog sit for my sister and while I love, love, love her dog I am always very relieved to hand him back).

I loved my cat from the first night with her as a kitten. It sounds like your kids will have to be nagged to walk her etc and all the work will fall to you. That’s potentially over ten years of hard work.

give her back. For everyone’s sake. And before she gets too attached.

Yeah, because children are EXACTLY the same as dogs.

Gotta love Mumsnet.

@Ladamesansmerci @MrsMeanwhile @Nocd39 thank you for the OCD understanding. The rat fever example really resonates, it’s such a tough condition.

But I’m not blaming it for the terrible decision making here, before someone points that out.

Also, it’s a labrador retriever for those who asked, my brother has one so know about the size and exercise

@neverwakeasleepingpuppy
Honestly, unfollow this post. Stop getting stressed by the keyboard warriors. I suspect they've all got things from their past they're not proud of and that (and if they were to post on Mumsnet would also receive a mass of abuse).

Have a family meeting. Decide what's best for you all as a family and the puppy. Consider wether you need more time to bond. The first few weeks are the hardest. Consider everything. Then make a decision.

I think it's easy to post on here and hope the decision making can be taken out of your hands. But really you need to decide on your own. Go with your gut feelings.

I have 2 labs. They are wonderful dogs. The puppy stage can have its ups and downs, but by about 4-5 months mine were pretty good. My second lab is 7 months old now and she's a treasure. I do think you either need to be in it for the long haul or hand her back now, to be honest. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, you just need to do what you think is right and go with it.

Also, Labs vary hugely in size - mine are both small. My 22 month old lab is only 18.5 kg and my 7 month old lab is 16kg.

I really wish people would consider the impact it has on a pup (or any dog) when they are rehomed numerous times as a result of a person not being 100% sure of the commitment before they got one.

Yet another animal suffers because of humans making ill-considered decisions.

It’s a dog, it will get over it. It really not something to feel badly about.

Send her back and never be this irresponsible again.

Oh right you were the “just a dog” idiot who seems to think dogs are inanimate objects. 🙄

can I be honest? I have had dogs my whole life. I got a puppy after a little dog break, and I strongly disliked it.

Hated the puppy, hated the commitment, hated the awful new routine I had to deal with. Did I rehome? Talked about it, then decided I needed to work through it, bond with said puppy.

18 months later, absolute saint of a dog, trained, wonderful, my best friend and companion. Bonding does not happen over night. Can take months which is normal.

if you are absolutely not sure, send the puppy back to the breeder.

If you are commited to keeping this dog for 15 years, prepare yourself to not like the dog sometimes, and thats ok. Puppies are arseholes.

Labs are terrible puppies but the best the dogs. I went into it with a lab pup fully prepared, they are full on in the early days. BUT I also loved her from the first time she climbed onto me at the breeders house (I’d wanted a dog for so long though, it was a massively thought out, researched and planned move).

getting dog for kids is always a bad idea. I was also fully aware that as much as my dc were excited for a dog they’d wanted for years they were never going to ‘help’.
the first couple of months were intense, the nipping and whining, accidents, sleepless nights. She’s almost a year now and mostly settled but still very energetic in between naps and im constantly cleaning up fur and muddy paw prints (and small child muddy shoe prints, sticky hand marks, crumbs and general child ick).

If you are this unsure I’d give the pup back asap for her sake while she is young enough. Labs are wonderful dogs but they don’t deserve to be in a house where everyone is ‘meh’ about them.

No, it’s something to feel truly awful about. ‘It’s’ a baby living, breathing creature with feelings, who will have already have bonded with her new family.

How could you not love her on sight?
I adored all of mine from the minute I set eyes on them.

It really is abnormal!

What is there to cry about?

Why would you think everyone is exactly the same as you? To continue the well worn theme of comparing children and dogs, women don’t always fall in love with their own babies right away, for various reasons. How can they be universally expected to fall in love with a dog they didn’t give birth to. Judging by some of the hyperbole on here you’d think they had.

Give her back. If you have to type this, it’s not fair on her.

It doesn't matter what breed it is. It deserves to be loved and be part of a family.

I think I was pretty clear in my post?

What a shit attitude.

But you visit puppies before you buy them, normally more than once. The reason you buy one is normally exactly BECAUSE you’ve fallen in love with it. The idea of feeling “meh” about it but deciding to take it home anyway is quite surprising to many.

It absolutely does happen! I completely melted the moment I met my dog, I just knew he was meant to be mine. My husband, meanwhile, was really apprehensive, especially since he’d never had a dog before. So you can imagine the shock when we brought our puppy home and I was the one in tears, totally overwhelmed, while my husband just breezed through it.

I cried loads in those early days & I honestly regretted getting him at times. It was such a huge adjustment, and I felt like I’d made a massive mistake. I adore him now and couldn’t imagine life without him, but those first few weeks were incredibly hard.
And honestly, I don’t know a single person in real life not in the perfectly polished world of Mumsnet, who didn’t struggle with a puppy. Everyone I’ve spoken to has admitted to thinking about giving their dog up at least once in those first six months. It’s a steep learning curve, and it’s not for everyone... and that’s okay.

It’s actually a really good thing that the OP has recognised this now, rather than a year or two down the line when it would be even harder, both emotionally and practically. Sometimes the kindest thing for both dog and owner is accepting when it’s just not the right fit.