Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just not talk to my neighbours any more?

52 replies

VillageMentality · 14/06/2025 13:08

I live in a village in the countryside. I live in a detached house, and bordering my house and garden are 7 neighbours.

Honestly, I’ve had enough of most of them and I think I’m going to stop being so nice as it’s getting me nowhere.

Neighbour 1&2 are OK because my garden borders 1’s garden and I don’t know who they are. Neighbour 2 is very old, and I never see or hear her.

Neighbour 3 - complains that they can hear us drive over our gravel and it annoys them. They just got a massive aggressive dog, and every time I go in my garden it growls and barks like it wants to kill me.

Neighbour 4 - they don’t like what I’ve put outside my front door. It’s a box for packages to be dropped off. It’s not offending anyone, but they don’t like it.

Neighbour 5 - previous neighbour said my DH threatened her with a chainsaw. He didn’t. Current neighbour won’t secure her fence (I’ve secured my side) and her rabbit keeps coming in my garden. I’ve told her my dog might go for the rabbit. Apparently I should keep my dog in.

Neighbour 6 - absolute petty couple who keep sending letters to council about other neighbours and do spiteful stuff.

Neighbour 7 - sends me messages to tell me when my garden grows 1cm above the fence. Also complains about my BBQ’s and how they don’t like the smell. Again, I live in a detached house, and last year I had 1 BBQ.

I don’t want to move as we love our house. It’s very private, but I just get constant moaning from neighbours over really petty things that I just wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist over.

My DH says to stop bring nice and just start to tell them to get lost.

Would that BU?

OP posts:
Holliegee · 14/06/2025 13:15

I think I’d just not associate with them at all - without being judgey I think people who live in lovely houses and environments become so full of themselves that they judge everything and don’t like change.
if they approach you about anything - just reply I’m busy at the moment thanks for the update with regards to their opinions of your house/grass/gravel crunching.
i think if my neighbour threatened me with a chainsaw I wouldn’t be complaining about anything ever again- so maybe your husband should actually do it (😂).
I would say to the rabbit neighbour that your really sorry about her rabbit, there wasn’t much left to bury and it’s a shame she didn’t fill the hole in - when she says it wasn’t her rabbit you can act surprised and suggest now he has a taste for rabbit it might be best to stop her rabbit coming in your garden!!
The dog that growls at you id Chuck it a biscuit and be nice to it just to upset them.

HobbyHorse30 · 15/06/2025 12:36

It’s perfectly normal to have the odd neighbour issue, but to have issues with 5 out of 7 leads me to wonder if there’s a common denominator here…

ThatLemonBear · 15/06/2025 12:41

TBH your house doesn’t sound very private if you’ve got neighbours spying on your every move 😂

Baffy11 · 15/06/2025 12:44

I'm afraid I agree with prior poster about the lowest common denominator....

Lurkingonmn · 15/06/2025 12:44

Neighbours 1 and 2 are fine, so I'd pop a Christmas card round, say hi if I saw them etc.
3- gravel noise? Tough shit. Their dog's behaviour on the other hand might be something I'd complain about to them.
4 - ignore that noise. A non issue
5 - I'd contact her writing (text/email) reiterating that she is responsible for securing her side of the fence. But I would make sure my garden was secure for my dog to be in it anyway.
6 - let them do their thing. Do not engage.
7 - as above. Your fence can grow. As long as you are responsible about keeping it trimmed i'd say that. You can have BBQs. I'd be tempted to have as many as I get comments from them about. If you had 1 and they mentioned it once, no bother. If they kept bringing it up, I'd keep a note then have that many just to be petty lol.
Don't go over nice to people like that, no need to be nasty. Just enjoy living your best life. As long as you really aren't being overly inconsiderate.

Cornettoninja · 15/06/2025 12:46

The dog that growls at you id Chuck it a biscuit and be nice to it just to upset them

have a bbq everyday for a week and chuck it a sausage every time - two birds, one stone.

(full disclosure my neighbours bbqs get on my tits, they’re out there every time the weather changes but I’m sane enough to know that’s my problem not theirs. I just use it as a reminder to mow the lawn when they’re out on occasion 😀)

Gardenbird123 · 15/06/2025 13:15

Never apologise, never explain.

Yes the gravel is noisy - it's a great deterrent for burglars.
The box is for my parcels, need to keep them dry.
My dog loves being in my garden, but he's very territorial, chases anything else in MY garden.
We love our BBQs, have to make the most of the lovely weather.
I trim the garden when I get round to it.

Have a nice day, bye 😃

My neighbours are vegans but they don't complain when we have a BBQ, because they are nice people who respect the rights of others......

HelplessSoul · 15/06/2025 13:18

TBH, these neighbours sound like fucking cunts.

Slatterndisgrace · 15/06/2025 13:25

Sorry OP, what do you mean about garden growing 1cm above fence?

edit; and how have you been placating them if your husband is telling to stop being so nice? (Agree with him btw).

CoubousAndTourmalet · 15/06/2025 13:29

@Cornettoninja @Holliegee

Please do not ever chuck food to someone else's dog. Some dogs need special diets because of allergies. Many dog owners (myself included) prefer that our dog is not given food by anybody other than ourselves.

Sidebeforeself · 15/06/2025 13:33

How come neighbours are still mentioning BBQ smell if you only had one last year?

DiscoBob · 15/06/2025 13:37

How can they be so aggrevated by so many things you do?

Do they have this level of complaint about eachother?

Is there some kind of vendetta and a bunch of them are ganging up on you? Or are they just all arseholes to everyone?

I don't really think you should be nice to them, no. Nor should you be actively rude.

You can totally ignore them pretty much and just feign deafness or wear earbuds if they try and speak to you. At most nod, smile vaguely and walk off.

Don't open or read any texts/letters from them.

RB68 · 15/06/2025 13:44

my neighbour 2 doorss down used to complain about the leaves from my tree. Thing is she has 14 trees in her garden all of which drop leaves....

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 15/06/2025 13:48

For a quiet life I would just not engage, ignore if they do and go about your day as you are. Some people in these big lovely houses (no offence as I mean SOME) are so self involved that the world literally revolves around them because they are so out of touch with reality!

I live in and ex council how (we bought it) and if one of my neighbours come to me with any of these complaints I would tell them where to go!! Also if the rabbit got in my garden it would be fair game for my dog 🤷🏼‍♀️

Slatterndisgrace · 15/06/2025 13:50

Holliegee · 14/06/2025 13:15

I think I’d just not associate with them at all - without being judgey I think people who live in lovely houses and environments become so full of themselves that they judge everything and don’t like change.
if they approach you about anything - just reply I’m busy at the moment thanks for the update with regards to their opinions of your house/grass/gravel crunching.
i think if my neighbour threatened me with a chainsaw I wouldn’t be complaining about anything ever again- so maybe your husband should actually do it (😂).
I would say to the rabbit neighbour that your really sorry about her rabbit, there wasn’t much left to bury and it’s a shame she didn’t fill the hole in - when she says it wasn’t her rabbit you can act surprised and suggest now he has a taste for rabbit it might be best to stop her rabbit coming in your garden!!
The dog that growls at you id Chuck it a biscuit and be nice to it just to upset them.

😁😁

AngelicKaty · 15/06/2025 13:53

CoubousAndTourmalet · 15/06/2025 13:29

@Cornettoninja @Holliegee

Please do not ever chuck food to someone else's dog. Some dogs need special diets because of allergies. Many dog owners (myself included) prefer that our dog is not given food by anybody other than ourselves.

I agree with this comment, but for a different reason: if their dog became ill they might accuse you of poisoning it. 😬

CruCru · 15/06/2025 13:56

If they moan this much to you then they probably moan to everybody.

CruCru · 15/06/2025 13:57

I’d be tempted to spend a lot of time in my garden to see whether the angry dog calms down a bit. Or if the other moaning neighbours start moaning about how much noise the dog makes.

lostinthesunshine · 15/06/2025 13:58

I know some people will say it must be you because there are so many of them complaining.

It happens though. I lived somewhere like that. Moved. No issues in the new place.

Sometimes it’s just a phenomenon that there are clusters of bitchy petty neighbours. They have probably would each other up over the years and now think it’s normal.

If you don’t want to move, invite them all around for an occasional party. Let them all relate to each other as human again.

LBFseBrom · 15/06/2025 14:02

Just keep your distance, be superficially pleasant and vague if you encounter them but keep contact short.

I moved to a flat fifteen months ago, downsized, and wish I could avoid my neighbours altogether! I dread going out of my own front door in case I bump into anyone in the corridor and am drawn into a banal conversation with cackling. I take my rubbish down to the refuse room late at night or at the crack of dawn and use the laundry room when there is nobody else in there. Thankfully there is a porch and nobody can get into the main building/reception area without ringing the flat number of the person concerned. I cannot wait to move again!

askmenow · 15/06/2025 14:10

In a village yes?
Are you new to the village? Others are long term residents?
Is your house bigger/ better/ more expensive than theirs or a newbuild?
Are the other residents older than you?

Just mentally define your boundaries, be pleasant, considerate but distracted.

Don’t explain or excuse. They'll get over themselves so don’t rise to it.

Branleuse · 15/06/2025 14:14

id look to move

sidebirds · 15/06/2025 14:18

CoubousAndTourmalet · 15/06/2025 13:29

@Cornettoninja @Holliegee

Please do not ever chuck food to someone else's dog. Some dogs need special diets because of allergies. Many dog owners (myself included) prefer that our dog is not given food by anybody other than ourselves.

yet, in the case of this aggressive dog, this would instantly solve the problem 🤔

InMyOpenOnion · 15/06/2025 14:23

I agree with the PP who said that sometimes people who live in detached houses with large gardens think it somehow guarantees them immunity from even the most minor irritants. The driveway, the parcel box and the plant growth are all ridiculous. The only one I would maybe pay attention to is the BBQ as that can be a legitimate complaint. Can you warn them in advance?

6namechange3 · 15/06/2025 14:28

After my divorce, I moved from a very nice, leafy suburb to a tiny terrace that shares a passage way with 2 houses. The neighbours in my new home are lovely, we all get on. I can sometimes hear their children making a racket but nothing excessive, my young adult son once made too much noise coming back from clubbing with friends. The young couple on one side like a BBQ and smoke a bit of weed outside, but there is loads of give and take .in the old house their was just a while load of petty complaints the worst being about pollen blowing from our tree on to their perfect garden ! The posher the houses , the greater expectations of constant privacy and silence.