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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have financial help from your parents...

69 replies

Newhouse1 · 14/06/2025 12:48

Not really AIBU but WWYD if your parents decided to buy you a property worth quite a bit of money.
How would you tell your friends acquaintances and how much would you tell them?

Im worried I will come accross as boasting and also dont really want people to judge me as I'm aware this is a very privileged position to be in! I also don't want everyone knowing about my financial situation, but I'm well aware that people will ask me questions like "did you get a mortgage?", how did you afford it?, how much did you pay for it? Etc

Disclaimer: Im not boasting in this post I genuinely need advice to navigate this situation

OP posts:
JustGiveMeWineNow · 14/06/2025 12:51

Good friends don’t ask nosey questions like that. They be pleased that a friend is doing well. I would say nothing. Are if anyone does ask just say your parents helped you. You don’t need to go into full details

Original poster
Newhouse1 · 14/06/2025 12:54

@JustGiveMeWineNow Im just worried people I work with and stuff will be nosy and want to know full details but I might be wrong. I just want to be prepared! Thanks so much for the advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Newhouse1 · 14/06/2025 12:56

I think also I dont want to tell people I will be mortgage free because I think people will be envious as I work a low paid job literally nearly minimum wage so all my friends are the same! They are not bad people to be envious tho its only normal we are all working hard and struggling.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newhouse1 · 14/06/2025 12:56

So I dont want people to know I will not have a mortgage but dont want to lie either! So sorry for the drip feed

OP posts:
4forksache · 14/06/2025 12:57

“I’m lucky the bank of mum and dad have helped me get on the housing ladder. I know that I’m incredibly fortunate to have some help”

Try to put a little bit of money towards it (even £100) as then you can honestly answer questions about them helping you to buy, rather than giving you a house. You can fudge how much by saying you used your savings and they helped with the rest. If people ask how much just say your parents are rather private about money matters and you’d rather not say. So basically don’t lie, but fudge.

Vaxtable · 14/06/2025 12:57

Just tell them sorry but really it’s none of your business

ShanghaiDiva · 14/06/2025 12:57

4forksache · 14/06/2025 12:57

“I’m lucky the bank of mum and dad have helped me get on the housing ladder. I know that I’m incredibly fortunate to have some help”

Try to put a little bit of money towards it (even £100) as then you can honestly answer questions about them helping you to buy, rather than giving you a house. You can fudge how much by saying you used your savings and they helped with the rest. If people ask how much just say your parents are rather private about money matters and you’d rather not say. So basically don’t lie, but fudge.

This.

tuvamoodyson · 14/06/2025 12:58

Why would you have to tell them anything? Do people actually ask such intrusive, personal questions? Anyone who asked me such personal questions would be getting short shrift!

Seamoss · 14/06/2025 13:01

People are rude. Answer with non answers

did you get a mortgage?
it's the usual way if things, oh look a squirrel

how did you afford it?
Stopped eating avocado and canceled Netflix 189 years ago

How much did you pay for it?
Haha, let's just say I'm not buying a round of drinks any time soon

nebulae · 14/06/2025 13:01

It's a sorry state of affairs when people feel they can't be open about owning a house outright. Please don't let your anxiety about how other people will feel ruin this for you. You know you're fortunate, that's all that really matters.

FanSpamTastic · 14/06/2025 13:01

You don’t have to tell anyone anything about your finances. But if you wanted a stock answer to such questions then just say something like “my parents have helped” - you don’t need to say how or how much.

RuffledKestrel · 14/06/2025 13:04

Weirdly I was talking about this with a friend's last night, but from the mum and dad side. They are in a great position financially and have helped their kids out with houses and doing them up over the past 5 years.

As others have said, you can simply be evasive if people ask. Acknowledge you had some help from your parents but it's perfectly fine to not elaborate on how much or that you are mortgage free.
If friends are being too nosey about it just tell them it's none of their business.
For what it's worth, I live in a house technically far to big for me. If I invite a new friend over for the first time to visit, part of me is always a little apprehensive at what their reaction might be. The reason I could afford this house was because it was a total mess, and I've spent years fixing it. I sometimes explain that, other times I don't. Friends get used to it eventually.

One thing I would say. If you are able to, do something nice and unexpected for your parents every so often. It means the world to my friends when their kids show their thanks this way. Doesn't need to be expensive or even financial at all.

mantaraya · 14/06/2025 13:22

You don't need to tell people you're mortgage free but I'd be honest and say your parents helped. In all the years I had struggling to get a deposit together I found it really annoying that there were friends who never just said that and instead acted like it was this great achievement of theirs. Like mate, you're a part time yoga teacher who has spent the last 3 years travelling, I know you didn't buy this £600k house yourself.

Butchyrestingface · 14/06/2025 13:30

I bought my first flat with help from my mum. I didn't tell anyone hee haw because it was none of their business. And no-one really asked. I think they just assumed I must have secured a mortgage.

I also now don't have a mortgage but don't talk about that in real life.

QuickFawn · 14/06/2025 13:33

Could you say you had some help from inheritance from a relative? technically true and would explain if the property isn’t in line with what people would assume (even tho they shouldn’t) you could afford

and you’re fortunate to only need to have a small mortgage. People are so nosey

PonyPatter44 · 14/06/2025 13:35

People don't ask questions like that. They really don't. I'm assuming you're not waltzing around telling everyone that you've just moved into a 750k house when you work p/t on min wage.... if you do, well, more fool you. If anyone does ask such a spectacularly rude question, you just say, yes, mum and dad helped us a bit, we're really lucky, anyway, do you like the kitchen / shall I put the kettle on / how about those Dodgers?

DoYouReally · 14/06/2025 13:39

Just shut down any questions.

"I'm very happy that my situation works for me"
"I don't enjoy discussion finances"
"Yes, I'm happy with the house. Anyway enough about me, how are you?"

treesfalling · 14/06/2025 13:39

Just say you had help & leave it vague. People can look up prices on Zoopla etc

treesfalling · 14/06/2025 13:40

We had help & have no issue admitting it, it's pretty common.

lazyarse123 · 14/06/2025 13:41

Vaxtable · 14/06/2025 12:57

Just tell them sorry but really it’s none of your business

I think this.

treesfalling · 14/06/2025 13:41

Like mate, you're a part time yoga teacher who has spent the last 3 years travelling, I know you didn't buy this £600k house yourself.

And that's why it's pointless to lie 😆

SwedishSayna · 14/06/2025 13:43

I really wouldn't tell anyone you're mortgage free. I'm not the jealous type but this makes me green with envy when I hear it!

SquigglePigs · 14/06/2025 13:47

You don't need to tell people anything you don't want to.

Equally, I see no reason not to be honest with very close friends if you want to.

We know 1 set of friends who are mortgage free due to an inheritance, 1 set who basically get free holidays from her parents every year + kids activities paid for and 1 set who have a very low mortgage due to a parental gift.

I can honestly say we are genuinely just pleased for them that they and their kids can have a better quality of life than they would be able to afford on their own.

Genuine friends will just be happy for you. But don't feel forced into revealing information you aren't comfortable with.

LittleCosette · 14/06/2025 13:48

Some people have more privilege than others. It’s just a fact of life. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! And I say that as someone who’s parents could not afford to give me any help but that doesn’t diminish them as parents.

FunnysInLaJardin · 14/06/2025 13:51

My parents paid our deposit for our first house and I can honestly say I dont think the question ever came up