If you have financial help from your parents...

[Newhouse1]

Not really AIBU but WWYD if your parents decided to buy you a property worth quite a bit of money.
How would you tell your friends acquaintances and how much would you tell them?

Im worried I will come accross as boasting and also dont really want people to judge me as I'm aware this is a very privileged position to be in! I also don't want everyone knowing about my financial situation, but I'm well aware that people will ask me questions like "did you get a mortgage?", how did you afford it?, how much did you pay for it? Etc

Disclaimer: Im not boasting in this post I genuinely need advice to navigate this situation

OP shouldn't have to lie just to stop you being jealous.

I don't volunteer the information but if someone asks me whether my house is mortgaged I'm not going to lie.

I think this TED talk is a great way to understand how conditioned we are to answer questions we don't really want to answer. Personally it is none of their business how or why you can afford the house you are getting. You do not own anyone any explanation.

My mate was a sahm with a husband in a minimum wage job, her house was huge. Know how she got it? Her parents were killed in a car accident and she was the sole beneficiary of their will. She was 19 and away at uni. She moved in with her Mum's brother and his wife who were incredible. Anyone rude enough to ask her how she could afford the house she had is met with that answer and boy do they squirm.

This TED talk may help you learn to deflect any questions you don't want to answer.

I'd be honest because nobody who knows me would ever believe I could suddenly start swanning about buying property. I guess I know that wouldn't happen, but I will (assuming I'm alive) inherit property ( family home) and would be very open about that.

I certainly didn't work hard enough to buy property. My dad did, and he died when I was a child. But at least he provided me and my mum with a house/home.

So I'm very lucky. I wouldn't hide my privilege. Any decent friend would appreciate your honestly.

I was in a similar situation and didn't tell anyone the financial details.

I’m surprised at the people suggesting the OP lie or be so vague as to suggest she may have paid for the house herself. OP has said she is in low paid work - it will be incredibly obvious that she’s not being truthful. It’s better to just say you don’t like discussing finances and/or change the subject. It really is no one else’s business.

The vast majority of people who have had help is due to the inflated housing market that benefited some previous generations. I actually think it's weird to not acknowledge your privilege around friends.

i actually don't know anyone who has bought without some form of help.

My parent s lent us the money to buy ours and we did pay them back with interest but over COVID I lost my job and they said to stop paying them back and they wrote off the rest... I didn't tell anyone except my husband. We were very lucky and I felt it would be horrible to my friends who are struggling to mention it. If it ever comes up I just say the first bit, paying back with interest and not the second.

People absolutely do.

OP says that she and her colleagues/friends all work close to min wage jobs. They'll know that she's unlikely to have saved a deposit/secured a mortgage on her own.

Very nosey, but I'd hardly be surprised if someone asked her "How've you managed that?"

OP - Just tell the truth: You've had some help. Anyone who wants to gossip about it will gossip regardless of how much you tell them.

If anyone asks me, I just answer it was due to a family inheritance via a death in the family. This usually shuts them up.

Do you friends, colleagues and acquaintances genuinely interrogate you OP?

If you're worried about it, I would say it's rare (in the UK anyway) that people ask a question, get a vague answer, refuse to leave it there and continue down their line of enquiry until they extract some hidden truth. Especially about someone's private affairs. You probably don't need to worry!

And if they do, the solution is very simple - just don't tell them anything you don't want to tell them.

"Yes I know I'm fortunate. Right place right time I guess! "

No mention of help, no mention of mortgage-free, no mention of anything other than gratitude. End of.

You can follow up with "Look I'm really not comfortably being grilled on my financial situation, I'm sure you understand" should shut anything down.

And if THAT doesn't, then you just get your coat!!

I don’t tell anyone- not even my own mother, my financial situation( even though she asks!)

I hate people asking about finances and how you afford stuff. We have a friend who does this a lot- but we never give a straight answer, or we say in a joking way “you don’t want to know”

my best friend has asked in the past about how much my husband earns and I just casually say I don’t exactly know( which is the truth) and it varies due to overtime.

Nothing wrong in saying your folks have helped you out a bit, say you’re paying them back if it makes you feel better, but really it is no one’s business. I might wonder myself sometimes how people afford stuff , but would never dream of asking.

It’s no one else’s business, friends don’t ask things like that.

friends don’t ask things like that.

of course friends do, younger generations aren't so secretive & plenty grow up in cultures where discussing money isn't forbidden or rude.

I think it's better to say that you are in the fortunate position that your parents have given you financial help, then that you try to pretend that you've done it by not eating avocado toast for 20 years.

I know one couple who had an expensive house bought with them by parents, who were not open about it, and managed to alienate a lot of their friends by giving the impression that their friends had obviously done something wrong to not live in such a house themselves.

I have a few friends who have been bought houses. We all know - it’s obvious😊. But it’s none of our business.

it’s the same as the teenagers who were bought new cars when we were at school. A few friends were even bought houses to live in at university. My parents didn’t have this kind of money - but that’s life. I am happy for my friends and they have been equally happy for my stuff.

For it depends who I'm talking to. My nosy auntie it's none of her business. My best friend everything as she does me. Co workers just the usual line mum helped is enough.

Why would you ever mention your mortgage? I can honestly say I have never mentioned my mortgage to any casual acquaintance or indeed any but one close friend. Why would you mention it?

Also, not sure what your relationship status is, but please protect yourself financially and don’t advertise you have no mortgage as I expect you’ll get a cocklodger or two!

I was thinking that. I’ve never ever asked anyone about their financial situation nor has anyone ever asked me. I assume some people had family help and other haven’t. For instance, my best friend is an only child so when she got her property her parents could help her but my other friend has 3 siblings so it’s been much harder. I never asked though just was excited when they got their property.

Very nosey friends!
Ive had a lot of friends but properties over the last couple of years and I haven’t asked a single one how they managed to afford it…it just seems so rude! Some of them may have volunteered info and outright said their parents gave them some money, or others may have had a grandparent die and suddenly six months later they’ve bought a house so you can maybe assume they got some inheritance.
My boyfriend and I are currently in the process of buying, and not ONE person has asked how we’ve managed to afford it.

Don't worry about it OP. Most of the people you are worrying now about will be utterly transient in your life. In 5 years time, or even less, they will be faint memories. You, on the other hand, will be set for life. These people aren't going to help you or care about you, so stop wasting your head space on them. Seize the moment and thank your lucky stars and if it really troubles you (which it clearly does) then just tell them a white lie. You won't burn in hell for it.

I can’t imagine people actually asking “did you get a mortgage?”.

On mumsnet people are very quiet about money, personally that’s not me nor my circle. As friends we are all very open about how much we paid for houses, extensions, weddings etc and how much or not parents contributed. It’s just not a touchy subject for us.

I bought a house last August and nobody has asked me how I financed it at all.

Even if they do ask, people will only bother asking when you actually first purchase it and likely won’t actually ask you the value of your mortgage or detailed questions because most people understand that it’s vulgar to ask people about their finances (the same way nobody would ask you your salary etc). So just say you “borrowed money” to buy it if you don’t want to mention that the money came from your parents vs the bank and that will likely satisfy their curiosity and they can make whatever assumptions they like.

After a couple of months people won’t ask you about your “new” house because it’ll be old news.

This. I could understand maybe feeling the need to deal with friends, but why on Earth does the OP need to tell people who she works with. They don't need to know.