If you have financial help from your parents...

[Newhouse1]

Not really AIBU but WWYD if your parents decided to buy you a property worth quite a bit of money.
How would you tell your friends acquaintances and how much would you tell them?

Im worried I will come accross as boasting and also dont really want people to judge me as I'm aware this is a very privileged position to be in! I also don't want everyone knowing about my financial situation, but I'm well aware that people will ask me questions like "did you get a mortgage?", how did you afford it?, how much did you pay for it? Etc

Disclaimer: Im not boasting in this post I genuinely need advice to navigate this situation

If the house is dramatically and obviously beyond your means, I would prepare a stock statement about being extremely lucky to have had help from your parents. Keep it vague and do not discuss exact amounts or your lack of mortgage.

We know a lot of mortgage free people due to parental help. It really isn't that big a deal. We live in London and it most have had help to get on housing ladder. Ultimately also no one else's business re your finances.

I’d just say something vague about getting some help from your parents and leave it at that. It’s really not unusual.

If I was your friend I wouldn’t ask or press you about it if you didn’t offer any info. I would totally speculate where the hell you’d got the money from with DH though!

@nebulae well obviously it's not about me -it's that the OP may not want her friends having those feelings of jealousy towards her (wrong though they may well be). I don't think she should lie if asked directly, though I'd be surprised if anyone would be that direct. She could answer honestly or sidestep the question. Financial information is quite personal so that would be fine imho.

You don't tell them, and you block any rude questions from people who question your finances - tbh, I don't know anyone who would ask that kind of question.

Just own it. Don't show off but just honestly say ' we are very lucky as my parents bought us this house'.

I have. A friend whose dad gave her about £600k. But she doesn't realise how much of an advantage it's given her. She has a house and a rental flat (bought out right) that gives her an income and has no mortgage. She just says stupid stuff like ' you couldn't this too'... like
How? Rob a bank? Don't be that person

I have never once been asked any of those questions nor have I ever felt the need to ask people. It’s not anyone’s business how you got the money to buy your house.

Everyone knows it’s gifted or inherited wealth. Why not just be honest/transparent and say so. Just matter of fact. It is that or lottery win as everyone knows houses are really expensive and that wages are rubbish - so everyone knows anyhow.

If anyone asks tap your nose knowingly and wink.

I think what the issue is, is when people have money from their parents to buy their house but they play it off as if it was all down to hard work. I’ve seen so many people have the deposit paid for by parents for their first home and they play into the congratulatory comments as if they did it all by themselves and gloat. Then they act like anyone who don’t own their home is beneath them.

Honestly, it’s weird if people ask how you bought your house. We have a nicer house than most people expect for someone our age and for what people think we do for jobs. I have definitely gotten quite a few “so you rent this?” or people think Dh is the gardener or it’s our parents house. 😂

We did have a bit of inheritance that went towards the deposit, but the reality is that Dh worked really bloody hard for 10+ years while I was largely part time with small children and we saved up a £200k deposit, while renting and paying full childcare costs, plus we now have a high household income. I’m in education and Dh is self employed in a trade. We don’t look like we own a £1 million house, but we do, and our parents didn’t buy it for us.

I have never had anyone ask us how we bought it. I know plenty of friends who bought houses in their 20s, 10 years before we could have afforded to buy (we bought our first house when I was 40), and I assume they must have had family help, but I definitely never would have asked. It’s very rude. If anyone does ask, I’d just say, I’m very fortunate my family could help me to buy it. Or I’d make a joke of it, and say, isn’t that a bit of a personal question?! With a little laugh. 😂

I can see people would be commenting.

i wouldn’t tell them you’re mortgage free.
If they ask about the price, I’d give it to them (it’s very easy to know anyway)
If they ask how, I’d say something like ‘I’m lucky my parents helped’. Most people will think it’s help for a deposit, Not the whole lot.
If anyone asks how much, tell them to f* off. Or look at them really shocked and ignore the question.

Thank you to everyone who has commented, all your posts have been EXTREMELY enlightening ❤️

Judging by your comments I feel like the best way forward is to say I had "help from the bank of mum and dad" but not reveal anything more than that and obviously express that I'm extremely fortunate. Some comments saying I should never reveal I'm mortgage free due to clock lodgers or jealousy, advice noted, thats exactly what I will do!

You're right to be concerned, peoples are jealous busstards and will resent your good fortune. If you tell the truth it will weed the nasty ones out.
I'd probably tell a few white lies and say you bought it with a small deposit, it's nobody's business frankly. After a while people won't care anyway.
I remember telling a circle of close friends me and my partner had bought a flat (20+ years ago) and you can literally see peoples face drop, it was so sad and pathetic to witness, wasn't even bragging.

My parents have helped me out a lot since my brother died and they've developed a "can't take it with you" attitude. My closest friends know the details but would never express jealousy because they know what's behind it. Other people/acquaintances etc definitely wonder how I can afford to live where I do. I have a reasonably good job, although public sector so not big bucks, and I'm a single parent so if they tried to do the maths it definitely wouldn't work out. But no one has ever asked, it's unbelievably rude to question someone on their finances. If anyone other than my absolute closest friends asked me about my mortgage I'd think they'd lost the plot.

Ha, agreed.

I genuinely don't know anyone who would ask such personal questions? An initial "well done!" or whatever, in which case I'd say "ah thanks, a bit of help from the parents, I've been very lucky" or similar because I wouldn't want to be 'claiming the credit ' for something I hadn't achieved.

Does anyone actually ask about mortgage status etc? I can only imagine someone saying something along the lines of "you're in for a shock, mortgages have been going sky high" or whatever, in which case I'd just be non specific like "ah yeah I know, I'm keeping eye".

No-one needs to know details.

Going against the grain here but people have asked us. Not in a rude way but people want advice on what to do, and I guess we seem approachable. A simple “We had help” is more than enough for anyone whoever asked.

Thanks for all for your contributions, your advice was just perfect. Hapopy to hear that I'm not the only one who has to accept parental help to get myaelf on the property ladder!

Kindly, you need to get over yourself a bit.

We're about to complete on a very large house. No one, in either if our lives, has asked where the money to buy it came from.

This just sounds like you want people to ask, so you can feel special by acting oh so humble and oh so lucky