12 year old son falsely accused.

[Fran091321]

We are so upset our 12 year old has been accused of getting his penis out during a lesson! No such thing happened. His trousers clasp had come undone which either made the zip go down a little bit or the zip wasnt fully done up beforehand. Someone noticed in class that his trousers had come undone and started laughing and saying your trousers are undone. His shirt was tucked in and you couldn't even see any of his boxesr shorts as his shirt was covering them). Then everyone looked and some kids started saying the most disgusting things, it was a free for all (there was a substitute teacher in the class). He has been called a pedophile along with some other vile statements and had to be put in isolation according to the school "to keep him safe". I'm so upset that the school didn't deal with this firmly from the start. The whole thing has now got so out of hand and now we have year 7s spreading lies to other year groups.

The day the non incident happened my son was hassled by a large group of children at lunchtime, many of whom were not present in the lesson in which his trousers clasp came undone.

I asked the school "If, the isolation was intended to "keep him safe", then why was he left to go out at lunchtime and be hassled by a large group of kids? There was plenty of time for kids to call him all sort of names, including a paedophile and other vile statements that he has asked me to explain to him. This "keeping him safe" reason, doesn't seem to make sense at all!"

The response I got from the Designated Safeguarding Lead was "teachers come to school to teach" the teacher involved is not part of the safeguarding team". Now, I am a teacher (primary), but you don't need to be a teacher to know that safeguarding always has to be the top priority, followed by teaching! I was was astounded at his response.

The school put my son in isolation but the kids who made the false accusation were not (the school have categorically stated that they know the accusation is false). What message does this send to the rest of the year group?

We cannot believe how this is being handled and I need some opinions and help please.

It's more a case of bullying here. The bullies need to be disciplined. Is your DS normally a well behaved boy or not.

I disagree. In this instance there was a responsibility to shut this down, whatever happened, in the moment. It sounds like this did not happen. The teacher may well have wanted to ‘just teach’ but that wasn’t an option.

There definitely was not a need to shut it down in the moment.

If you have a child saying "Jonny has their dick out" (or smiliar) what you don't do is go: OK everyone, be quiet now, stop saying that, and do your maths"

You take it seriously and get DSL advice as soon as possible.

The school did deal with his anxiety horribly, woukd you have spoken to a crying year 7 boy like that? The kids were throwing bits of rubber and paper at him and on his desk relentlessly saying stuff like "ooh look at all his dandraff" etc etc. It was happening multiple times a day. He was upset. Is it right for the head of year to tell him that he needs to get himself "into school because 1500 other students have, so why can't you?" Then to say "this is not a primary school car park and I'm not a primary school teacher" As a teacher yourself, you think thats a kind and helpful way to encourage a new year 7 in to school? Really?? I certainly wouldn't have taken that approach, yes, I am a primary school teacher, but it wouldn't matter if I was a secondary school teacher or a college/uni tutor! To treat anyone, regardless of age, like that is just unkind and unhelpful. I spoke to a few of my teaching colleagues and they also thought the same. The school obviously recognised this as they changed their approach and yes, they organised place2be for him.

Regarding the trousers, ocassionally that kind of clasp has come undone when ive worn ones with a similar fastening. Your response is that he needs new trousers (they were new). You dont think the school have handled this badly? They state they know the allegation is false, as they know the history between these kids and my son and they have statements from other pupils which categorically stated that my son did not have his penis out at all!

Also, the statements from these kids all differ in detail, eg one stated his trousers were round his ankles, another around his knees. One that he had his penis out and one that he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing etc. All lies, and all differing from each other. So yes, the school knew pretty quickly that it was all false. They didn't isolate him until after lunchtime when a large group harrassed him.

They have said the kids involved will receive a high level sanction once the investigation is complete and the whole year will have an assembly on the importance of not making up false allegations.

My point is that so far, to the rest of the students it looks like my son has done something wrong as he was the one put into isolation and as yet, nothing has happened to the kids who made up the lies. Yes, they will be sanctioned, but haven't been yet, so at this moment the school have fuelled these rumours.

I am astounded at your response... you sound like you work at my son's school!

Also, you don't think it's right that these kids are sanctioned, because the school will then have more disgruntled parents on their hands, as their child has been labelled a a bully??? They are bullying, and they need to be sanctioned and it needs to stop, so they don't grow into adult bullies.

You'd be fine with your child (I'm not assuming you have kids, if you don't, then your hypothetical child), You'd be fine with a malicious false allegation being made against them and the child or children who made it up not being sanctioned, as the school shouldn't make parents upset by labelling their child as a bully?? If that sits well with you, then I can tell you, you're 1 in a bilion and good luck to your child!

Yes, he's quite a quiet boy, butcdoes gave a small group of friends. He's had great feedback at parents evening and hasn't been in any trouble

Thank you for your responses, the overwhelming majority have been what I would expect from any decent human being, with lots of helpful advice, thank you.

ProudCat, your response is very concerning, particularly given that you're a teacher! If you truly believe all the things you wrote...well, I can't say what I'd like to say because it would be offensive and would probably be removed! However, I will say that I feel very sorry for the kids that you teach!

Jesus if this was my child no way would they be going back to that den of vipers. The poor child having to deal with such vile bullying 😞 it breaks my heart that some children have to put up with this kind of abuse in our schools.

No advice other than if it was me I’d be either moving him or home educating.

This quote from a teacher on this thread confirms to me why I don’t send my own children to school:
”If, for example, we are informed that there is going to be a coordinated assault on a particular child by a large group of children”

WTAF?! “Coordinated assault” 😢

". If the cover teacher couldn't contain the situation she should have used school procedures to call for support in the first instance"

For all we know the teacher did ask for support. As most of you will be aware staffing at schools is an issue and you can request on call support or similar and be waiting for quite some time ( or have no one turns up at all) for various reasons including

Some staff are off ill or on a trip so on call staff are on cover.
There's another incident being dealt with so no is free at that moment
There's an exam on and staff are involved in organising kids entry to the exam.

As a longstanding member of staff in an emergency you would probably pick a sensible kid to go to pastoral team or reception or another classroom.

A supply may not know which kids can be trusted or where to send them.

I can well an imagine that an incident like the OP describes can escalate in minutes.

@Walkden I am a secondary teacher. I know all that. But it doesn't sound like the supply teacher did anything pro active and even if one of the above scenarios did happen, it still doesn't excuse the subsequent mishandling of the incident.

You can't have it both ways, either the school did nothing or the school organised his counselling.

In terms of the statements, you do realise it took time to gather these, and yet you also want the school to have adopted a firmer approach from the start, so presumably without any statements.

What you say about the statements is really strange. They're so wild that there was no point in the school taking them. This would, of course, support your argument that something should have been done immediately. But I've never seen the bizarre variation in statements that you're claiming. And I'm curious as to how you've even got access to these statements, as this would be a serious breach.

^ Something is really not adding up at this point.

I'm really concerned that you're saying you've had sight of the statements taken from other people's children. There's no way that should have happened, so either you're not telling the truth or the school as far more serious issues.

Why can't I have it both ways? The school initially dealt with his anxiety related to going into school horribly. When I told them that I didn't think that was helpful, they changed their approach and they did organise place2be sessions for him (his gp had advised to ask his school for counselling sessions). What on earth is;so hard to understand about that?

To address your question about the statements and how we got "access" to them, we DID NOT get access to them. The DSL had the statements with him at our meeting and he read parts of each statement out to show how ridiculously varied they were. He didn't identify any student, (no GDPR breaches) he merely read bits of each one out, to show how they were different and frankly, ridiculous. As I have stated before, they school do not believe these lies.

Why would I lie about some statements made by year 7 children? It's not as if anyone on this thread can identify me or my son. If, (as you seem to believe) that I am in some kind of denial about this, and my son did do something wrong, why would I go to ridiculous lengths to try to prove his innocence? At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter whether people on this thread believe that my son did nothing wrong...they dont know him or me!

I made this post, as I was very upset and reaching out anonymously for some advice opinions. Thankfully, most people seem to have taken me at face value and offered their opinions and advice. I can assure you, that I have a very busy life, so busy in fact, that I made the difficult decision to leave my 1 day a week teaching job at Christmas , which I loved! I have 3 children, my youngest who is 3 has additional needs and I do not have the time or the inclination to make up stories anonymously on the internet.

I dont know what your issue is, but can you please stop insinuating things? Does it make you feel good to be cruel to others when they're down?

Where did I say I had "sight of the statements"?

I haven't had sight of the statements. The DSL read snippets of each statement out during our meeting. No student was identified, no breaches of GDPR. I think you need to read things more carefully!

Op has responded with dignity, even to posters believing she was making things up when she clearly wasn't. Ease up folk!

Potentially the sub has reported it to the DSL as her/him having no idea what happened and so they have investigated and kept your son in isolation to begin with to keep him safe (although they should have extended this protection to break time too).

I would see how it goes and give it to the end of term to see how it’s resolved. From all you’ve said though, you don’t sound happy at all with the school so I think if it were me I would look to moving my son. My son is also 12 and would be horrified and mortified by this accusation. Maybe the kids will move on from it, maybe they won’t. If they don’t, move your son and give him a fresh start somewhere new where he feels safe and where you will hopefully have a better relationship with the school.

Thank you for this! The vast majority of people have been helpful and kind. A few haven't been... I get that they dont know me or my son, but even when I've explained certain things more clearly one poster in particular, has been awful.

ProudCat clearlyl has an issue, no idea what it is. The fact that she is a teacher, just makes her responses even more concerning and she has said I have said things that I haven't, eg that I had had 'sight of the statements', I never said that! She obviously things I am deluded and making things up, that's fine, she's entitled to think that. This is anonymous on the internet, I do not care whether she believes me or not, but there was no need to be so nasty. People really need to think about the potential ramifications of what they say/write to people, especially when it is clear that the person they are responding to is feeling really low and upset.

Thank you for sticking up for me Oblomov25.

My husband and I have a meeting with the headteacher tomorrow, to try to get this resolved properly. The school complete their investigation and have been nothing but sweetness and light towards us and our son since! They've realised that the kids have made up malicious lies to try to get our son into trouble. The school are now trying to support our son with coming back into school (he's gone in as normal today for the 1st time since this all happened). He is,very anxious and we are too! Hopefully this is resolved effectively with as minimal disruption to our son as possible.

Thank you, to those of you who responded without being unkind (whether you initially believed me or not).

I presumed you had sight of the statements because you said:

'Also, the statements from these kids all differ in detail, eg one stated his trousers were round his ankles, another around his knees. One that he had his penis out and one that he was doing something he shouldn't have been doing etc. All lies, and all differing from each other.'

I don't 'have an issue' (as you said) and you don't need to 'feel very sorry for the kids that [I] teach!' These are personal attacks and it says quite a lot about your approach.

All I was trying to point out to you in my initial post, from my experience of as teacher, is that those parents who go absolutely mad about a situation, apparently taking issue with the supply teacher, the DSL, the safeguarding systems in place, the other learner and parents, the school culture itself, etc., etc. (as you have) and start demanding public apologies (e.g. letters sent out to entire year groups), while simultaneously posting on SM and forums, and being rude to people, are more likely to inflame the situation than someone who calmly looks for a resolution.

Obviously, you're welcome to cling to your point, and to try and prove your point, but you might like to take a moment to think about what outcome you want to achieve. If it's to make sure that your son is safe and happy at school, you probably need to work with the people who can help you to achieve that instead of being angry at everyone and everything.

Your are of course, entitled to your opinion.

You stayed that you were very concerned that I had said I sight of the statements, when i never said that! You said that was very concerning or I wasnt telling the truth. Neither of your presumptions were true.

I am not angry at everyone,and everything. I am,angry with the kids who made it up! Would you not be angry? I am,angry with the way,it was initially dealt with by the school, and according to the,vast majority of people who responded to this anonymous post theye would be angry too. I haven't posted anything on Social Media, with the exception of mumsnet because you can remain anonymous.

Do you think its acceptable for a DSL to say that "teachers go to school to teach" when asked why my son was not protected that first lunchtime when he was verbally abused by a large group of kids? He insinuated that teaching is the top priority. If you think, that's ok, then I would strongly advise you to do some refresher safeguarding training.

You also argued with me about the fact that i was unhappy with the way they initially dealt with my son's anxiety relating to going in to school. You said I "can't have it both ways". I am sorry, but I do feel sorry for the kids you teach, if that's how you would approach the situation!

You were unkind, showed no compassion whatsoever and basically questioned if I was lying or not telling the truth a number of times. I do believe that is why someone commented on this post last night, saying that I "responded with dignity, even to posters believing [I] was making things up, when [I] clearly wasn't! Ease up folks!"

So you can believe whatever you choose to, and you can make yourself feel better (assuming you have any sense of remorse), by telling me that I am angry at everything and everyone. But it appears that the majority of people here actually agree with how I feel.

You cannot get away from the fact that you made an assumption based on the fact that I knew the statements were wildly different. You said I had stated that "I had sight of the statements" and that just isn't true.

Thankfully my son managed to go to school today and there were no issues, however my husband and I will be voicing our concerns to the headteacher tomorrow during our meeting. If that offends you, then that's your problem, it certainly wouldn't offend me and I am also a teacher.

I stand by everything I said. Good luck to you!

@ProudCathas completely misunderstood and read into OP's statement.

op never said she saw the statements. She said they differed. Presumably the teacher she met said so.

Yes, the DSL read a snippet from each statement to show how they differed from each other. He did not mention any names.

To be honest, ProudCat hasn't believed much, if any of what I have said . That's fine, she's doesn't have to believe a stranger on the internet. However, I felt she was particularly argumentative and unkind, almost as if she worked at the school my son attends and was taking personal offence that I am upset , along with my husband at the schools handling of it.

The reason I mentioned my son's anxiety about going in to during the first term, was because it stemmed from relentless bullying/teasing from the same kids who made up these lies. Those kids were sanctioned during term one and said that "snitches get stitches", so it was relevant to this current incident. It was also to illustrate the point that my son isnt the most outgoing or confident child and this has really affected him. ProudCat insisted that I couldn't possibly* *becorrect in my opinion that the school handled that badly, beciaise they eventually organised Place2Be sessions for him. This was after I told them the way they initially dealt with it, was unhelpful and unkind and my son's gp had advised me to ask the school for counselling sessions.

I don't understand the need to be so cold and argumentative and question everything I said as if I was lying. So yes, I did say that "I feel sorry for the kids she teaches", because the way my son was spoken to l by his head of year, when he was sat crying in the car unable to get himself out, was really horrible and upsetting to witness. If ProudCat believes this was the correct way to approach this, then yes, I do feel sorry for the kids she teaches and I make no apology for feeling that or saying it, after the way she has treated me on this thread.

It was just kids acting up in class and unfortunately your son ended up the brunt of a mean and immature joke. But they are only kids.

Do you not remember at school kids laughing at eachother when their flies were undone, or if someone's skirt was tucked into their undies? Anything just to avoid paying attention.

Especially If they had a substitute.

It was a minor wardrobe malfunction and nobody will care anymore unless you or he keep trying to bring it up in class or with the school.

There was no danger to him at break time, he was isolated because it was disrupting the lesson.

This type of thing doesn't seem to warrant any further concern. Unless he really is being bullied on a regular basis and this is just the tip of the iceberg?

This sounds awful. They are bullying him poor kid.

I hope that this is resolved properly after our meeting with the headteacher tomorrow.

My son does not want to change school, he has friends there and he doesn't want to change school with all the upheaval would bring. No one said anything unkind or inappropriate to him today (his first notmal day back in), so hopefully the form assembly they had by the head of behaviour either yesterday or Monday (I can't remember which) has actually made a difference. The kids involved have been sanctioned and this will hopefully send a clear message to the rest of the year.

Again, thank you to those of you who responded without resorting to being unkind. I did not expect everyone to instantly believe me, you have no idea what my family or my son is like, so its perfectly reasonable to initially question whether there was more to this than meets the eye. Indeed, one poster messaged again after finding out more details saying she would remove that comment- that's perfectly reasonable! I am nit upset that some people may have disbelieved me, what has shocked me is the 2 or 3 people (I believe mumsnet removed some comments, before I had a chance to see them) were actually nasty in their responses- there is no need for nastiness.

However, most people weren't unkind or nasty and they tried to help and give advice.

Thank you

That's actually not true. He was isolated after lunch because a large group of kids had surrounded him and were shouting things like peadophile, pervert you name it and being particularly intimidating. He's not a big lad for his age...currently 26kg as he hasn't been well. I don't see this as a bit of banter, especially these days..it could harm somebody's reputation! He then had older year groups asking him why he'd done it etc. You may think ive blown it out of proporcion, but as I've previously said, most responses on here seem to agree with me. You cannot go around accusing somebody of exposing their genitals/masturbating in front of people or being a peadophile, when it's not true! That's not messing around and having a laugh, its absolutely disgusting and actually regarded as a criminal offence!

Being the brunt of a group of kids who 'have it in for you' is pretty awful and I will not brush this away as banter!