12 year old son falsely accused.

[Fran091321]

We are so upset our 12 year old has been accused of getting his penis out during a lesson! No such thing happened. His trousers clasp had come undone which either made the zip go down a little bit or the zip wasnt fully done up beforehand. Someone noticed in class that his trousers had come undone and started laughing and saying your trousers are undone. His shirt was tucked in and you couldn't even see any of his boxesr shorts as his shirt was covering them). Then everyone looked and some kids started saying the most disgusting things, it was a free for all (there was a substitute teacher in the class). He has been called a pedophile along with some other vile statements and had to be put in isolation according to the school "to keep him safe". I'm so upset that the school didn't deal with this firmly from the start. The whole thing has now got so out of hand and now we have year 7s spreading lies to other year groups.

The day the non incident happened my son was hassled by a large group of children at lunchtime, many of whom were not present in the lesson in which his trousers clasp came undone.

I asked the school "If, the isolation was intended to "keep him safe", then why was he left to go out at lunchtime and be hassled by a large group of kids? There was plenty of time for kids to call him all sort of names, including a paedophile and other vile statements that he has asked me to explain to him. This "keeping him safe" reason, doesn't seem to make sense at all!"

The response I got from the Designated Safeguarding Lead was "teachers come to school to teach" the teacher involved is not part of the safeguarding team". Now, I am a teacher (primary), but you don't need to be a teacher to know that safeguarding always has to be the top priority, followed by teaching! I was was astounded at his response.

The school put my son in isolation but the kids who made the false accusation were not (the school have categorically stated that they know the accusation is false). What message does this send to the rest of the year group?

We cannot believe how this is being handled and I need some opinions and help please.

Absolutely 100% sure, and the school have confirmed that they know it is made up too.

The school sounds awful.
Can you move him to another?

Changing school would be a last resort. He has some good friends there, he's not that confident, so a change would be difficult. Its our nearest school and his older brother goes there. But if this isnt resolved properly, then yes, we may have to take him out of the school. Why should he have to have his life disrupted though, when he's done nothing wrong? It's actually very upsetting to think about.

Your poor boy, this is just horrible. As a teacher I can well imagine the glee with which pupils are reporting home to mummy and daddy. Sadly these things tend to stick, so I would not be reassured that it would blow over and measures such as seating him near the teacher will just give the bullies more fodder.
How would he deal with a change of school, do you think?

It sounds like a bloody awful school though. My own dc went to a secondary that is in a rough area that went into requires Improvement whilst they were at it and it was better than shit show. Anything that happened was dealt with appropriately and quickly.

I’ve worked in education my whole life, the most important thing in a school is the management. Your child is only in year seven and you have already had two major incidents that have been dealt with appallingly. Twice now, he’s been treated really unfairly by the adults at school.

Totally agree, teacher of 20 years experience, it seems there is systemic bullying of the OPs son and the school are unable or unwilling to challenge this - if all they can do is lock away OPs son for his own protection, this is only going to get worse.

I would be looking urgently to move him for a fresh start elsewhere in year 8.

Hi OP .it was me that made the initial "if there's no more to this" comment. It was v early on in the thread and with your updates I would certainly withdraw it...very often these kinds of threads, on further explanation turn out to be v different to the original scenario. Frankly given your brush with EBSA, which I have experience of I'd be hyper vigilant here. The school's initial handling of that was awful, and sadly familiar to me, and it does not sound like they are equipped to deal with anything tricky or sensitive. Unless this is turned around v v fast I'd be looking for a smaller, quieter setting. I had to put mine in private in the end, with significant long term financial implications but it was the only option and they are now thriving. I wish you luck.

I don't understand this.

The safeguarding lead's responses don't match the points you say they're a response to.

The school must have time to investigate (did he or didn't he). They can't do anything immediately and 'deal with this firmly from the start' because they don't know what's happened until they've investigated - typically, they're going to be collecting a bunch of statements and will want to talk to the sub teacher.

You already knew there was a problem with the trousers as 'When I have worn trousers with a similar clasp, it has come undone before and it makes the zip go down a bit. So it absolutely can happen!' He needs new trousers.

Your son was a refuser from the first term. You say they dealt with it horribly. However, presumably it was the school who arranged the Place2be counselling which you say 'helped hugely' and there have been no refusals since. So did they deal with it horribly or did they resolve the issue?

Your basic problem here is that you want to go to war with the school, blame the sub, blame the DSL, blame other random teachers, the systems to keep children safe, etc. All this will achieve is to send the message to your son that school is bad. He'll start to refuse again and you'll justify this by continuing to pile blame on the school, except now it'll also include your son not being able to access education. The other problem feeding into this is community gossip, e.g. 'so-and-so said this' and 'so-and-so said that'. Lots of SM activity turning a drama into a crisis. Instead of quashing this and limiting its impact, you want the school to issue a public statement and punish the other children - whose parents will, no doubt, have the same 'disgruntled' response as yourself because their kids are now identified as bullies. And the whole thing just keeps on growing.

As a teacher, I can confirm that schools are drowning in this sort of stuff.

Whilst I feel for your situation and yours sons, you cannot insist that an email about it goes to all year 7 parents.

It is entirely up to the school to decide what communication to parents is appropriate or not, sharing the finer details of a particular case would not be something they would do, nor would it be advisable, as it would get back to pupils via parents and result in more bullying.

Sometimes we see a situation where a school has bullying / control problems and a child gets marked by his or her peers as a target - if the school are unable to resolve this, the best approach for the child is for them to move schools.

It seems to me that the school are highly unlikely to sort this out, so for your DS sake I'd be moving him ASAP

He has a horrible year group and the teachers are useless in dealing with it. I would definitely move him. The dealt with previous issues poorly and current one even worse.

Whst a vile thing to say, you sound like one of the playground bullies 🙄

He will have been put in isolation whilst investigating the Harmful Sexual Behaviour, because KCSiE expects school to risk assess to minimise harm.

It's standard practice to tell parents this us done to keep your child safe. Because, unsurprisingly, saying to acparent it is done to keep the school population safe from your child's potential HSB, results in unhelpful defensiveness. The outcome is the same so schools say what's easiest for the parent to heat. Once the investigation is done you'd get the real outcome anyway.

What’s that based on? Any particular reason why you think a kid who’s been bullied before would do something guaranteed to lead to a pile on/endless pisstaking?

I’d ask them to clarify what they was said about the teacher involved not being involved in safeguarding. If he repeats what you’ve said I would put in a formal complaint. Safeguarding training is very very clear that safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility - KCSIE legislation.

Hugs to you and your son. No advice but I hope the poor boy is okay.

The school said he didn’t, so what are you basing this on?

Have you actually requested a meeting with Head?

Not that you'd say this directly but in conversation I'd definitely say that their poor handling of this current situation has exacerbated ds's trauma.

They've actually already previously failed in their duty of care, by not ensuring his safety, re the previously poor handling of the bullying done to him.

I would expect they mean that the supply teacher's responsibility way simply to report the incident to the DSL and would not be expected to have any further involvement with the case in the normal course of events, and wouldn't have attended the schools in-house training for staff.

Same would apply to a DBS vetted unaccompanied visitor, such as a contractor, there is a simplified policy that they are made aware of.

This is also what they probably meant about the primary responsibility of the teacher being teaching - we are, of course all involved in safeguarding at various levels from visitors to the head, but a supply teacher would only be expected to pass on a concern, after all, they may not be there the next day, or ever again!

Even on the permanent staff there are different levels, I teach part time on the permanent staff, I'm not a form tutor and don't do anything but teaching my subject, that's my primary responsibility - If I have a concern I would, like the supply teacher, just pass it up the safeguarding chain, the DSL and tutors are better placed to deal with it going forward.

If my 12yo daughter was in a class where there was suspicion a boy had exposed his penis then I would absolutely expect the school to take that boy out of the class until the situation had been fully investigated.

They have a duty to safeguard the other children in the class as well as your son.

Yes becsuse that's totally normal behaviour from a shy young man of 11/12 isn't it ?
Let's hope you never get picked for Jury duty.

He did not expose any part of himself! The child sitting next to him said " you couldn't even see the top of his boxers cos his shirt was tucked in. The school know he didn't do what he was accused of, they have categorically said they know it's been made up and the children who made it up will be sanctioned. My point to them was putting him in isolation (even for his own safety) makes him look guilty and waiting until the investigation is done before sanctioning the kids who lied, allows them to carry on as normal, fuelling the rumours. Why not immediately isolate the 4 kids who made it up, whilst the investigation is ongoing. This would help stop the rumours circulating whilst the investigation was going on!

I know you don't know me or my son, but I find your comment completely insensitive, I habe categorically stated that it is a completely false allegation and even said that the school know this! So why you would you come on to this thread, saying what you said?? I'm already upset and your comment was unwarranted.

I despise any form of injustice, and the way theh school have handled this so far, is appalling to me.

Thank you, that comment really got to me, I know the person doesn't know me or my son, but my God, what a comment to make, especially if the whole thread has been read!

If there was any grain of truth to this allegation I wouldn't be posting on here asking for advice. I'd be talking to my GP and asking for an urgent referral to CAMHS.

Thank you again, I appreciate you having some common sense and backing me up.

Yes, we are concerned about this. If things aren't dealt with appropriately then we will have to move schools, but thay would be a huge knock to him, and weve just come through a difficult time with him in terms of anxiety and confidence etc. He has aslo been quite physically unwell, and had tests medication etc. They,finally found he had a severe gut infection and with the right antibiotics it finally cleared up. He's had a hard time (they were concerned he sepsis or similar on nchristmas day as he couldn't get out of bed and could barely open his eyes... it was so scary, we ended up in hospital. He's come out the other side now and this has happened and honestly, i dont feel very resilient at the moment and its juat floored us. But if he has to move school then thats what we'll do. 🙁

Why not immediately isolate the 4 kids who made it up, whilst the investigation is ongoing

Because they did not know who was telling the truth. That is the reason for an investigation.

There may well be 4 children and their 4 sets of parents who swear blind that your son exposed himself. There needed to be a period of time where they spoke to those involved, other people who witnessed and the member of staff. You say the outcome is that your son has been found not to have exposed himself. The DSL did not know that from the outset.

As unpleasant as it will feel for you, the reason your son was isolated initially and not those accusing him is because that would be victim-blaming those who were allegedly sexually harassed by your son.

After the investigation, it would be expected that school put in support to protect your son from others behaviour towards him.