To think neighbours should have had their son apologise?

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My neighbour's son, age 12, threw rocks at my children and me when he was not invited to my son’s birthday party. I did not grow up in the U.K. but am raising my children here. I would have imagined that most parents would have at minimum had their child go back and apologise for the violent / harmful behaviour. These parents haven’t done any of that. They saw him - and they did try to stop him - but when I later spoke to them expressing concerns, they simply made excuses, saying he was just being emotional because he felt disappointed. For the record, he and my son are not even close, although we have had him over a few times. And the birthday party he missed was not something he saw taking place - he only heard about it.

is the norm in British culture to teach children who misbehave in an extreme way to go back and apologise, build character and integrity, etc? Please tell me these neighbours are in the minority. Am I wrong to think they should have had their son apologise?

Word.
Your post is quite offensive OP. Imagine the reverse “Is this just the culture of Poland/Romania/India? Are you all like this??” Wide eyed faux naivety.
You know full well this is not the norm.

Awful behaviour. My parents would’ve marched me to yours to apologise.

To learn that you apologise when you do something wrong. Children become functioning members of society by learning.

He deserves to be humiliated, a call to the police for the assault is his alternative.

Throwing rocks at the age of 12!!! Just because he missed a party. If any of my children or grandchildren had done that I would be so worried about the child himself. Why is he so volatile? Why so violent?

Is the difference important? Let's use semantics as yet another excuse for a yob in the making!

what was he saying when he was throwing them?

looks like you’ve got problem neighbours, will only get worse as he approaches teen years with parents like that

I did not say any other nations are rude. I'm showing an example of how others don't think we are.
I have worked with many nationalities and have always treat people as individuals regardless of where they came from. Nationality never came into it.

I definitely don’t think my culture is superior. It has plenty of flaws. My children are being raised in this culture now. I am filtering the noise of my in-laws criticising British ways as well as the behaviour of my neighbours and just wanted a reassuring broader perspective on normality which I have gotten here. I am not eager to have a bad opinion - this is my first time encountering this kind of behaviour.

I am afraid of this. I have a daughter and he has already pushed some boundaries with her, and that also concerns me.

Does any of that excuse his behaviour.
He could throw a peddle or a rock, the point is he shouldn't have been throwing anything.
Little brat.
He'll be in prison when he grows up, thinking his actions are acceptable.
In the real world, actions have consequences, he be better served learning this as a child before the police or prison teach him.

Try moving.

What? It teaches the child humility and to take accountability for their actions 🙄

We have been worried about him and I agree with you. Some of what he has done indicates more serious, unaddressed problems. I have no doubt he is hurting in various ways to be so sensitive to what must he feelings of rejection. But if no one helps him think through that he has a choice not to be violent in response to feeling disappointed, then I worry it will continue. He has been really disrespectful and I was already worried about his treatment of my younger children. I very clearly explained it to his parents but there is no indication that they have spoken to him about it.

We may have to. It isn’t worth the risk if this continues.

I've always thought the point of the 'forced apology' was a bit of a public dressing down.

When I was a kid, I caused some damage to a neighbor's garden. My parents made me mow their lawn for six months as an act of contrition. I wasn't sorry, but I didn't do it again 😅

I once marched my neighbour’s visiting nephew over to another neighbour’s house to apologise for his repeated antics. Sometimes what kids crave is an enforced boundary like that. God knows he wasn’t getting it from his family. Interestingly enough, he was a complete Angel with me and the other neighbours following that.

Because it teaches children a lot of things. To take responsibility for their actions. Norms of social interaction. Politeness and good manners.

If you don't teach children this stuff they never learn it and you end up with THAT child.

Unfortunately it is becoming more and more common for parents to fob of their kids bad behaviour and let them grow up feral. My 3 have issues. 2 are autistic ADHD 1 of those with mild learning disabilities, the 3rd severely autistic. 2 wouldn't dare behave like that and would of cried for a couple of hours til I could figure out what would distract them and the 3rd would likely throw whatever he was holding, and cry as he does when he's upset but is always told off for it and whatever it is taken away. Apologies would of been the first thing after being told off. The norm is to teach kids manners however more and more are being left to their own devices.

I teach 11-16 year olds and I can confirm that the vast majority of them are lovely human beings. Unfortunately you get a few bad people everywhere. Manners start at home.

If you were thinking of moving countries, I’d recommend you choose your childhood home, not his, if they are different. Otherwise you will find yourself stuck in a country you never intended to live in.

completely agree 👍

I voted that you are being unreasonable because at the age of 12 he knew what he was doing and his animosity would have been stoked by his parents saying negative things about you and your child not inviting him to the party, therefore they are hardly going to make him apologise when it’s them that fuelled the fire.

Throwing rocks is assault and he is above the age of criminal responsibility in the UK. If there was no extenuating circumstances (such as developmental delay) I would not hesitate to call the police and let them speak to him about his appalling behaviour.

I do think in the UK we are softer and try to understand the feelings behind a behaviour, so I suspect it would be normal to say "I'm so sorry he did that, the reason is that he's disappointed" to show they recognise what's going on. However, I would never in a million years allow that behaviour to stand and I'm a liberal British parent with a sen child who can have outbursts. He'd immediately be writing a letter of apology and there'd be a consequence, because you can be disappointed and not throw rocks at people! They sound like awful parents tbh. Definitely not reflective of the general British culture.

I do think children are probably louder and less disciplined than some countries, a lot of countries have a "seen and not heard" culture whereas British culture is more based around what children think/want/feel (soft play, children based activities, children's trails in museums etc). That level of repressing children's instincts is seen as old fashioned style parenting (along with physical punishment).