Still in nappies at school

[ivehearditallthistime]

As the title says some children at 4-5 and 6 years old are going to school in nappies and are still not potty toilet trained.
I understand that some will and still have accidents at night and during the day.

But to have a child at that age still in nappies is just laziness.
It is not a teachers job to change nappies is it.
Ive just got back from my sisters whos son has a 4&5 year old still in nappies the school said he or the mum will have to come in school to change them as the teachers will not.

They now think this is all wrong and it is the teachers job.
And are removing both kids from school one does half day and going to home school.
I said no its your job stop being so f=ing lazy if home schooling is anything like your potty training good luck.

My eldest sister a teacher agrees with it and said this is happing more and more now.
A mum in her school has taken her child out of school because teachers will not change her childs nappy hes almost 6.
Said mum had a rant at the school because the school reported it to SS.

Dose anyone agree this is just lazy parenting now.

@Candyflosscrochet that's really tough. I wonder at this stage is a harsher approach needed? I work with this age group and we had a child who had frequent accidents, often while playing, sometimes on the way to the toilet. His parents one day approached us saying he was increasingly having accidents at home and just shrugging it off, saying we had said it was OK to have an accident. We were trying to be nice to him, not realising we were enabling him. So we told him it was no longer OK. Next time he had one my colleague got very cross and told him she would have to send him to the baby room into a high chair if he wanted to be a baby. But if he wanted go be in our school he was to use the toilet like everyone else. He was shocked and a little upset but never had another accident. Except once, but he was on the way and was very apologetic and embarrassed, completely different from before. We still reminded him frequently to use the toilet for a few months after. I genuinely didn't think a tough threatening approach would work as I was always told to be sensitive around training but in this instance I stood corrected.

More and more children with SEN are in mainstream school who would have been in special needs schools years ago. The politicians wanted to save money by putting more children in mainstream and called it inclusion. This is the result. Primary school teachers changing nappies and Secondary school teachers teaching children who can't write legibly.

Being dry at night can't be trained. My eldest was in a pull up until he was around 8 or 9. He didn't wet every night but the pull up gave him some confidence to sleep better.

My sister is a qualified teaching assistant and spends all day changing poo nappies on 5 year olds. She also gets bitten, kicked, bruised, spit at, and called all sorts of ghastly things. She works at a good school in a nice area, but still has to contend with this. It takes her away from aiding the teacher, and helping the kids who need it. All because a few parents fall short of the title.
Apparently, her other choice of working as a prison officer is becoming more attractive by the day.

That's terrible of your colleague really inappropriate .

Not judgmental i was there to see it a few times.

Is it the parenting though or poor quality childcare as the majority of children are in nursery now as most parents work.

I get that but this was not the case the kid wanted a nappy but was dry at night i just didnt get it.

Primary school teachers don't change nappies, TA's do.

True.

Good luck with your boy
❤️ x

I believe that wet or dirty terry nappies were heavy and uncomfortable for the wearer. So they too felt the need to getbrid of them. Modern nappies do not offer the same physical discomfort which was an incentive to children to stop wearing nappies,

It also meant no in person health visitor appointments, so missed milestone delays, it meant no baby and toddler groups so no peer support, it meant to access to older relatives so it meant no village or community sources of information, advice or tips.

It meant parents juggling work and entertaining children in less than ideal living circumstances when people were in a state of survival, for many it meant repetitive bouts of a new illness that took months to recover from each time.

I don't think lockdown is the sole issue but I do think it is a contributing factor.

Some really shocking ableism on this thread. 😳

We just got to a point of being absolutely fed up with it, we bit the bullet, laid down some carpet/laminate protection on the floor in key areas. Put him in underpants and just went for it. We had a few accidents obviously, like a miracle within 6 days he was weeing on the toilet. But we continued with night nappies, then when we became brave again we dispensed with them, again after a few wee night accidents he got used to going to the toilet at night, make them clear their bowels at least twice before bed, I think he actually HATED being wet, so that helped. Numbers 2's, again we used to get him straight on the toilet when he started jumping etc, now we and he knows the signs. He does what we call "Secret Poos" - without us knowing, he doesn't flush due to motor skills but does attempt a wipe or 3, he leaves a nice suprise every now and then. He also have movical to keep his system moving as his diet limited in many ways. I wish you the best of luck. I hope this helps. Contact pm if you need more support 🙏

Yep.

The last thread on this issue went the same way. Despite the ''oh, but not SEN'' claims. I was told my son belongs in a SEN school as he needs changing despite the fact SEN school isn't appropriate for him.

I think poor advice, rather than "lazy parenting", is often to blame. There's a lot about signs of readiness and the needs to be able to manipulate clothes - but potty training is about them learning to understand what it feels like when they need to wee and when they need to go. And you go with them to help them with clothes at first. I've also seen a lot of well-meaning, "if DC aren't keen, don't force it " advice. But at some point, you take it the bull by the horns and commit.

I'm in the midst of it with youngest DC - and I work full time, they're 2.5, in nursery 5 days a week, and we started about two weeks ago. I picked a day and started - took a Friday off, did naked for three days, and they got the gist. Yes, plenty of accidents still - esp at nursery where they get less individual attention, wee on the carpet, extra washing, taking the travel potty everywhere. But they're making progress so why would I go back to masses of nappies?

I'm obviously not talking about kids with SEN who might be older, take longer and need other methods. And I do think the rise in SEN is a lot of the rise of kids in nappies in school - and those kids have a right to an education as much as anyone else.

This

Absolutely, and yes we did have children who were unable to come out of pull ups for this very reason. I simply put forward my personal experience, as additional needs are not always a barrier to toilet training.

Children in this age cohort will be affected for decades.

Their socialisation and development was severely disrupted.

no baby and toddler groups, nurseries closed and every adult they met socially distanced or wearing a face mask for a couple of years. Missed HV and GP appointments. Normal social interactions completely disrupted.

some were at home with parents who were also trying to wfh and hold jobs and businesses together of home school older kids.

Not everyone was at home - some had parents who still had to go to work.

being at home with more time to spend with your children was a luxury not available to all.

Check your privilege.

then there is the effect on the mental health of the family at that time which had an impact on kids too.

lazy and shit parenting

additional needs does not come under that statement - that is understandable in most cases

no additional needs is pathetic parenting and social services should be involved

My son was still at nappies for the first term of reception, I would go in every lunch time to change him. I would never have expected the teacher to do it for him. It wasn’t laziness he just took a bit longer to get there, as a summer baby he was the youngest in his year.

Exactly this. I imagine it's mostly laziness but not always.

One of my DC has complex toileting issues that have taken us 6 years and lots of money to diagnose. I knew something was up with his bowels before he was 1. I don't give a shit what other people think, luckily.

I could only afford 1-2 disposable nappies per child per day when my older DC were growing up 27 years ago. They used one per night and one per day for going for a walk. The rest of the time they were wearing terry cotton nappies and I started toilet training at the age of 4 months, taking them to the bathroom and holding above the bath. They learned to wee after eating at an early age. When they were about 2, I bought a musical potty and it really made a difference.
They were potty trained by 2.5
DC 19 was potty trained by 3.5 as I was more relaxed and used as many nappies as I wanted.
DC spent most of the day nappy free and felt uncomfortable getting wet. But I spent a lot of time with them, watched them, guessed the time they would need a potty and encouraged them to use it. I used a Teddy bear as a model, praising and clapping.

I think any kid in nappies at school is special needs whether they've been diagnosed or not. No "neurotypical" (apologies if not right word) child is going to want to poo themselves in front of their classmates.
I don't buy the "lazy parent" argument I know literal heroin addicts and alcoholics who's kids are out of nappies for school. It's not hard to potty train a normal four year old if anything you're lazy you want them out of nappies asap (I am self admittedly very lazy)

I'm not coping for my own circumstances either my kids were all potty trained at 2.