To not understand people who don't love food

[pastabest]

We had left over jersey royals from our tea tonight. And I overcooked (significantly) the marmalade ham I was making but it's created an amazing shredded ham thing when I've gone to try and slice it.

As I shredded the ham into an enamel tin to put in the fridge alongside the Jersey royals I was imagining all the delicious lunches I could make with them if I was WFH tomorrow.

We've got coleslaw, spicy beetroot salad, boiled eggs, lots of nice pickled stuff, a wide variety of salad stuff, houmous, all the cheeses etc and a massive herb garden. My mouth is drooling thinking about the possibilities.

Suggested to to DP who is at home tomorrow that he could have it if he wanted but if not I had plans for it for tea.

He looked at me like I was mad and said 'I'll probably just have a cheese sandwich and a packet of crisps like always'.

He is a food is fuel person and I just don't get it. I'm going to be going to sleep tonight dreaming of pulled ham hock with rosemary and garlic fried potatoes with a peashoot salad, a scattering of spicy beetroot and dollops of whipped feta covered in fresh chives , cherry tomatoes and cucumber with a sprinkling of seasalt and a nice zesty lemon based dressing of some sort.

I look in the fridge and I see endless possibilities, he looks in the fridge and finds the quickest and simplest route to being fed - enjoyment optional.

Why would your DP find enjoyment in food when it's probably linked to memories of abuse? Forcing a child to eat in the way you describe is abusive.

I can tell you that’s not true.

Oh yes, having to have some crappy cold sandwich from the fridge, made God knows when, is the pits. Also and very similar, sandwiches at conferences and work do's. I find them hard to eat. Actually I think I eat them the way people in this thread who eat for fuel eat, sort of resolutely with no enjoyment. And the vegetarian option. Especially when it's a vegan option really. Most convenience foods, pretty much all horrible. All of this makes me cross.

I do mine in a frying pan

I should add I went off in fantasy land as you’d wasn’t it hot at lunch not cold.

I like food and really enjoy what I eat but I don't like it enough to make a huge effort. So yes what you describe sounds great and I would eat it and enjoy it but I'd look in the fridge and stick some ham on a sandwich and grab a handful of tomatoes. My dd has no interest in food at all and has migraines regularly that remind her that she didn't eat at all the day before.

That might explain it, you've been on mounjaro and are now off it.

All humans who are malnourished "love food". They're actually intrusive thoughts because your body is seeking nourishment.

It's not further genuine enjoyment you've discovered, it's because the injections caused you to undereat and are now trying to get that nourishment back. The fantasies and thoughts are a signal from your body. You'll put the weight back on (maybe not all of it), balance back out and your fantasies about food will disappear once your body has balanced out again. I'd be willing to bet money on this!

Not saying you'll dislike food, just saying that your enjoyment level would be the same as it was before mounjaro, the "further enjoyment" youve "discovered" will reverse.

I was plagued with thoughts of food during the worst of my anorexia. Always planning elaborate meals, fantasising about what I would eat when I allowed myself to eat, dreams of food. Nightmares that I would eat it and waking up in panic attacks, calming down and being thankful upon realising it was just a dream.

I actually dislike food in my normal state. I don't like the feel of it in my stomach, I don't like my bodies reactions to eating food... I feel rubbish. I don't like the demand of having to eat every day, multiple times a day. There's foods which tastes I really love, like croissants or goats cheese sandwiches, but the taste and mouth feel doesn't make up for how bad it feels in my stomach or all the anxiety over eating it /empty calories /weight gain, or how my body feels after eating (full/warm/somehow buzzy and fuzzy). So I can only eat my favourite foods very rarely, and when I'm not doing anything else all day so I can cope with the feel of eating it.

@VoltaireMittyDream

It’s this sort of smugness that makes foodie chat so insufferable. All the guff about really savouring life’s sensual pleasures, being healthier and more wholesome and a bit sexy and continental and generally a better quality of person than all the dreary plebs who don’t have orgasms over whipped feta.

Enjoying food isn't really "foodie chat". If enjoying food makes smug then give me that over being a "dreary pleb" (to use your phrase) any day.

Yes I’m not forcing the imaginary pill on anyone!

I would be happy to open your fridge and fix a plate as that does sounds delicious but can I be arsed to make all that myself? No! I do tend to go for what is easier and quicker to make but I really need to get in to food prepping so I can have tasty, nutritional food all ready for when I am hungry.

What is this things about having to understand the POV of others over unimportant stuff? People are different, understanding is not a reqirement for acceptance, get over yourself!

My DH loves food but is basically too lazy to have anything more exciting than a ham or cheese sandwich.
He always looks aghast at my fancy salad concoctions.

I don’t really love food. If I could take a tablet that gave me all the nutrition I needed, I would be more than happy with that.

I sometimes dream about have a pic line straight into my intestines so I don’t have to eat at all. But I do have ARFID.

But didn't you know that there are 365 ways to serve bacalhau? What could be more varied than that? 😂
My husband tried to persuade me to have pig's ear at our wedding but I had to draw the line on that one.

I'm with you OP. I love food. I enjoy trying new meals, looking at recipes, wandering around food stalls, looking in shop windows - bakeries especially. If I won the lottery I'd open up a coffee shop and fill it with homemade baked goods ☕️ 🍪🍰

I don’t agree with your first statement. I love food and am not malnourished at all and have never had a an eating disorder. I just love food, eating, planning what to make for meals and I love eating the way OP eats - plates of salad with loads of bits.

I do realise my username contradicts what I’ve said above 😂

im sorry you had an eating disorder 💐

I don't care about food one way or the other. I enjoy it sometimes, but I'd ever bother eating for pleasure.

I’m like that now that I’ve stopped eating carbs. I’m glad though as being obsessed with food is not healthy. I eat when I’m hungry, that’s it

Ha I'm with you OP and my DH is the same as yours. I feel like he is missing out on some of the great pleasures of life, but to him preparing food is just a boring / stressful faff and he wants absolutely nothing to do with leftovers.

I nurse a fantasy that he will one day get therapy to unpick all the criticism & belittling he received as a child which makes him scared to make mistakes or try anything new, and we will then be able to share a new enjoyment of food. In the meantime I keep the freezer stocked with pizzas so he won't starve if I go out for the evening.

Me too, none of this is unusual or worthy of comment in those countries and many others, people talk about food all day long, where its from, how you cooked it, how your mother cooked it, why arent you serving it with this or that, are you serving it with this and that, whats going to happen later etc etc

Also chefs, this is why they are chefs and for those of us who arent chefs, its the same premise, planning, creating, thinking about flavours textures, mixtures, combinations, techniques etc etc

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I enjoy a nice meal as much as the next person but that doesn't mean that if I am WFH I am going to have a gourmet lunch everyday.

Just reading the OP stressed me out. I’m autistic and have ARFID. Like others I was force-fed as a child, or punished if I didn’t eat. I hate the physical sensations of chewing and swallowing. Different textures make me gag. People who are obsessed with food like the OP are incredibly problematic for me and bring up loads of childhood trauma.

OP - your husband had negative experiences with food as a child, so why on earth did you write a post disingenuously wondering why he doesn’t love food the way you do? It’s obvious why he doesn’t!

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2022/nov/05/i-have-never-eaten-cucumber-onion-or-an-egg-can-i-cure-my-extreme-food-phobias

Maybe not for your DH given the background to his food ideas. But for picky eaters I found this interesting.

Anyway I can look in the fridge/cupboard and always make something nice for lunch. My DH will look in the same places and say 'God, there's nothing in for lunch'. He lacks imagination where food is concerned.

I agree that food is interesting to some, not to others, and all in-between. And of course, like with music, some people are indfferent to music, some love music-to listen to, others love it, and also create it-food is like that.

I love cooking. And I have always been naturally very good at it. When me and my ex were skint many years ago she used to marvel that I could create a meal out of the few bits and bats we had in the freezer/cupboard. An ideal day for me is spent cooking and creating and learning new recipes. Definitely my creative outlet.

The trouble is, I live by myself. The last day I cooked, I made a huge lasagne but with different flavours to I'd normally use, omitting some allergens. It was by all accounts delicious-by all accounts because there's nobody here to appreciate, enjoy or even sample my cooking. If I do enjoy myself in the kitchen, It's for what-the freezer? I have been doing this sort of thing since I were a child but now, it has to get distributed to friends/family members who don't really want it, they'll take it and appreciate it but it isn't the same. Sometimes it feels a bit 'sad' that I'll make a new recipe and then whoever I next speak to 'Oh I've made a XYZ, would you like some?' I am inevitably met with questions about why TF I've slaved about in the kitchen for hours with nobody to feed.

It feels like pity.

I was one of the ones forced to eat when I didn't want to as a small child, many bad memories-and then I became very overweight as a child/young teen following being bullied-eating so much chocolate, whole adult pizzas to myself, whole four packs of desserts- -losing it in my later teens and becoming eating disordered for years, lowest point being very underweight until my early twenties, and then becoming quite fat again.

FF to now and I am slim and toned thanks to exercise and low-carb/high protein-but this means that I also 'cannot' eat my own food that I cook.

Having said that, I do love food. I have diet friendly foods in the house that I love and although it has become very 'samey' I do like what I eat and look forward to meals.

I definitely can still be comforted by food.
Apologies-I know a few people have given personal accounts of where they stand on this topic but mine has been one of the longest!

Putting food related trauma aside, I agree with you op. The variety of food we have and the enjoyment you can get from it is a gift from the Gods. ‘Food is fuel’ types are joyless drones.