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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

at 35 I want to retire

399 replies

Oranges836 · 10/06/2025 14:12

Changed name for this post.

35 and sick of working dont want to do it for another nearly 40 years.
Changed job and hate working in any job
dont want to do any job im happy doing nothing

thats it thats the thread

OP posts:
lifeonmars100 · 10/06/2025 17:48

Become an influencer! Guess they still have to work making those Instagram posts and "haul" videos but it looks relatively easy compared with a lot of jobs. You just need to practice that finger waggling/tapping thing they do and being "obsessed" with everything.

Lilactimes · 10/06/2025 17:50

Catsbreakfast · 10/06/2025 16:46

Why is it everyone else’s job to feed you when you are capable of doing it yourself?

Presumably she/ he will be drawing down on their private pension, available from age 55 so their money they’ve invested.

blueshoes · 10/06/2025 17:51

FIRE sounds grim. Scrimp and do things people don't want to do so that you can retire early to continue to scrimp and live a frugal life just that you don't have to do paid work. Sounds a bit joyless.

The better FIRE is to work towards a highest paying job you can find. In other words, increase your income rather than reduce expenses. Put in more hours and work harder and improve your skills more than others. That way, you'd be promoted and probably end up in an interesting and high paying career. Then retire early if you must with a good pension and skills to leverage to go self-employed and do consulting, with enough means for a comfortable retirement.

UrghAgain · 10/06/2025 17:52

I went back to work after being mostly a SAHM for the last decade, and honestly, it’s not the job it’s any job that I hate. I was far happier and healthier living off a bean. More and more people I know are claiming benefits so they can reduce working or not work at all. If I genuinely really suffered from anxiety or depression I would too.

TeenLifeMum · 10/06/2025 17:53

Where do you see yourself in 10 years… hopefully on a beach with a cocktail. I used to want to work up to director, now I’m really not sure I want that shit.

Pizza4Tea · 10/06/2025 17:54

Me too. I’m done with work! Working to pay rent (someone else’s mortgage on their second home!!) bills and to eat. Everything is so expensive.

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/06/2025 17:57

Profpudding · 10/06/2025 14:40

Lots of people do clear their mortgage early but actually if you have an investment that’s bringing you an 8% tax free every year and your mortgage is 4%. Then it makes more sense to plough the money into the investment that’s making you more
money Rather than the one that’s costing you
Paying off the mortgage is very much psychological. It is not always the best vehicle to Financial freedom and in some ways it can really cause you problems if you lose your job.
People think you’ll be fine if you own your home which is true if it’s out right but not in that 25 year period while you’re paying it off. There’s definitely a tipping point around to the 12 year mark
Prior to that if it all turned to dust, you would be better off not owning

Where can you get 8%?

If you’re a higher / additional rate tax payer you have to give almost have of it back anyway.

Charlize43 · 10/06/2025 17:57

You need to find something that you enjoy doing. Not working is lazy and unproductive and is such a waste of a life!

I'm 58 and enjoy working, going out and meeting people, seeing and experiencing things that I haven't done before (I work two jobs). I'm not looking forward to retirement as I think not working and being at home a lot will be boring, although I shall probably keep working or volunteer...

Personally, I think you may be clinically depressed and you should seek help of that. There are so many exciting and interesting things that you could be doing... You only have one life so make the most of it! Please don't give up.

Lourdes12 · 10/06/2025 17:59

I have always hated working. Had to spend my whole time after work recovering, going to bed early and then get up in the morning to do the same thing again. Spending most of the weekend recovering too. I could never understand how people could do anything after work. It's not a life

Richiewoo · 10/06/2025 17:59

Tough shit babes unless you've won the lottery.

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/06/2025 18:00

WitchHag · 10/06/2025 17:15

It took you till 35!

I’m in a weird stuck position. I got a job and accidentally made a successful career in something I hate! Earn too much now and have a Mortgage etc etc to go back to the beginning, work wise.

But the thing is, I hate it. I’m miserable as sin for every second I’m there, the fact my colleagues are lovely doesn’t help. The idea of being there for years brings a depth of sadness to my soul than I just don’t have the words to express. And no, I won’t earn the same and certainly won’t get the same benefits somewhere else, it’s this or a massive lifestyle downgrade and an uncertain pension.

Im luckier than most, which on a good day helps and I try and pay it forward, but on a bad day horrifies me completely as I wonder how miserable we all really are, quietly.

Same I’ve got a very well paid career with lovely working conditions but it’s so boring and not challenging. I’m stuck in it because I’m a single parent paying school fees for DC with SEN.

If I didn’t have to pay school fees I’d leave and do something lower paid and more rewarding.

rhrni · 10/06/2025 18:00

I’m 35 and feel exactly the same way.

I don’t hate my job and it has a lot of perks, but I can’t bear the thought of doing that, or any other job,
for another few decades.

So shit.

IAmAMermaid · 10/06/2025 18:00

anitarielleliphe · 10/06/2025 14:27

Unless you have come into a large "life-changing" sum of money, you do realize that you must work. You must be self-sufficient and not become a burden on society. However, I understand the sentiment when you have been unable to find your "calling." From personal experience, I can tell you that when you do find your calling, and you can have more than one over the course of your life, you do not view your "work" as work.

So, the best advice I can give to you at this point is to do some thorough, as much as possible "unbiased" introspection. It begins with asking yourself a series of questions and being 100% honest in your response. If you do not know the answer at the time of asking, spend some time over the next few days thinking about it, pulling from past experience, your gut, whatever, to eventually get to an answer. The questions could be these and more, and get to the root of your personality type, your preferred "work" environment, and what skills, task, types of work make you happy inherently:

  1. What skills or talents do you have?
  2. How do you like to spend your "free time" when money or work is not a wearing worry?
  3. What are your interests in life?
  4. What are your strengths and weaknesses?
  5. What comes easy to you?
  6. And what does not?
  7. What is your preferred environment or when you think of a "place" . . . what is that happy place?
  8. Do you get energized when you are surrounded by people, or drained? And if energized, is there a "time cap" on how long you can be around people before you need to "refresh" and "rejuvenate."
  9. Do you need your environment to be quiet in order to concentrate, or do you like sounds, movement and a flurry of activity, or something in-between?
  10. As a child, how did you spend your free time . . . in physical activities . . . in contemplative activities like art . . . and how did doing these things make you feel?

Use this as a starting point to "re-think" your path in life. For example, let's say that you have fallen into the "service" industry (i.e., restaurants, etc.) or the "retail" industry because this is what your parents did, it was the best job you could get at the time, etc., but you've come to realize that you are unhappy. WHY? Analyze the detail on why you are unhappy. This helps you figure out yourself . . . what your personality type is . . . what your natural talents are . . . what your preferred environment is, etc.

How can your personality type affect what you choose for a career? Well, there are professions that require a lot of interaction with people who may or may not be friendly. When you think about it, are you exhausted "mentally" by this? Is it possible that you are truly and introvert and have been forced into a career highly devised for an extrovert?

Maybe you are, from your perspective, "stuck" in an office job at a desk. It is work that you are skilled at, but it is boring, and you find yourself day-dreaming as you look outside. Is it possible that it is the "lifestyle" of the job that has you down? In other words, you are happy when you are "outside" and physically engaged in some task.

The key is NOT to strive to become a millionaire. The key is to find a vocation that you love and feel provides purpose, but that also provides a livable wage. It is not how many things you can buy in life, but how you spend your time, and whether how you spend your time fulfills you and provides some happiness.

Well Done Thumbs Up GIF by Madelaine Petsch

This is an amazing post!

You need your own Podcast/Website/MN Page!

Thank you for this @anitarielleliphe ... I am taking notes!

cardibach · 10/06/2025 18:00

Charlize43 · 10/06/2025 17:57

You need to find something that you enjoy doing. Not working is lazy and unproductive and is such a waste of a life!

I'm 58 and enjoy working, going out and meeting people, seeing and experiencing things that I haven't done before (I work two jobs). I'm not looking forward to retirement as I think not working and being at home a lot will be boring, although I shall probably keep working or volunteer...

Personally, I think you may be clinically depressed and you should seek help of that. There are so many exciting and interesting things that you could be doing... You only have one life so make the most of it! Please don't give up.

Why would you be home a lot? Why would choosing the things to spend your time on be boring? I love retirement. Busy all the time - but if I don’t fancy it one day I can just read or mess about on MN (as I have today).

Profpudding · 10/06/2025 18:01

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/06/2025 17:57

Where can you get 8%?

If you’re a higher / additional rate tax payer you have to give almost have of it back anyway.

At the risk of sounding like a tin hat, moron you’re going to need to do your own research.
And if it’s in an ISA You won’t be paying any tax

cardboardvillage · 10/06/2025 18:01

I didn’t find my chosen career until age 32

you should change jobs

Paetina · 10/06/2025 18:02

Op- I strongly recommend the book 'Your money or your life' by Vicki Robin. It's about getting financial independence and a great starting point for thinking about your relationship to time, work and money.

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/06/2025 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Profpudding · 10/06/2025 18:03

Oranges836 · 10/06/2025 17:37

thx all Im just having a moan

i live in crappy semi detached house where I can hear the neighbours tap

Bang on the wall until they get the bloody message
We used to have neighbours that had sex like wild animals at Four in the morning on Coke fuel benders
I reported and reported and reported
They got the message eventually and shut up

Profpudding · 10/06/2025 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh, what a lovely message thank you.
Nothing is guaranteed
And if you want the same advice that I have, you’re gonna need to pay the five grand brokers fee that I paid

Bleurgh99 · 10/06/2025 18:04

Xx

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/06/2025 18:05

Profpudding · 10/06/2025 18:04

Oh, what a lovely message thank you.
Nothing is guaranteed
And if you want the same advice that I have, you’re gonna need to pay the five grand brokers fee that I paid

How is it helpful to suggest people can get 8% if it’s not guaranteed.

Profpudding · 10/06/2025 18:07

Addictedtohotbaths · 10/06/2025 18:05

How is it helpful to suggest people can get 8% if it’s not guaranteed.

You can’t be serious

CurlyhairedAssassin · 10/06/2025 18:08

anitarielleliphe · 10/06/2025 14:27

Unless you have come into a large "life-changing" sum of money, you do realize that you must work. You must be self-sufficient and not become a burden on society. However, I understand the sentiment when you have been unable to find your "calling." From personal experience, I can tell you that when you do find your calling, and you can have more than one over the course of your life, you do not view your "work" as work.

So, the best advice I can give to you at this point is to do some thorough, as much as possible "unbiased" introspection. It begins with asking yourself a series of questions and being 100% honest in your response. If you do not know the answer at the time of asking, spend some time over the next few days thinking about it, pulling from past experience, your gut, whatever, to eventually get to an answer. The questions could be these and more, and get to the root of your personality type, your preferred "work" environment, and what skills, task, types of work make you happy inherently:

  1. What skills or talents do you have?
  2. How do you like to spend your "free time" when money or work is not a wearing worry?
  3. What are your interests in life?
  4. What are your strengths and weaknesses?
  5. What comes easy to you?
  6. And what does not?
  7. What is your preferred environment or when you think of a "place" . . . what is that happy place?
  8. Do you get energized when you are surrounded by people, or drained? And if energized, is there a "time cap" on how long you can be around people before you need to "refresh" and "rejuvenate."
  9. Do you need your environment to be quiet in order to concentrate, or do you like sounds, movement and a flurry of activity, or something in-between?
  10. As a child, how did you spend your free time . . . in physical activities . . . in contemplative activities like art . . . and how did doing these things make you feel?

Use this as a starting point to "re-think" your path in life. For example, let's say that you have fallen into the "service" industry (i.e., restaurants, etc.) or the "retail" industry because this is what your parents did, it was the best job you could get at the time, etc., but you've come to realize that you are unhappy. WHY? Analyze the detail on why you are unhappy. This helps you figure out yourself . . . what your personality type is . . . what your natural talents are . . . what your preferred environment is, etc.

How can your personality type affect what you choose for a career? Well, there are professions that require a lot of interaction with people who may or may not be friendly. When you think about it, are you exhausted "mentally" by this? Is it possible that you are truly and introvert and have been forced into a career highly devised for an extrovert?

Maybe you are, from your perspective, "stuck" in an office job at a desk. It is work that you are skilled at, but it is boring, and you find yourself day-dreaming as you look outside. Is it possible that it is the "lifestyle" of the job that has you down? In other words, you are happy when you are "outside" and physically engaged in some task.

The key is NOT to strive to become a millionaire. The key is to find a vocation that you love and feel provides purpose, but that also provides a livable wage. It is not how many things you can buy in life, but how you spend your time, and whether how you spend your time fulfills you and provides some happiness.

Excellent advice.

Ribidibidibidoobahday · 10/06/2025 18:10

Having to work isn't fun. Have you tried having 2 part time jobs, to keep the variation and maximise social side of working?

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