To think Yr2 teacher has it in for my girl??

[RealLifeRickyLake85]

Don’t know where to put this really but just need to vent and see if I’m mad or not. My Yr2 daughter got pulled up AGAIN yesterday for “talking too much” and “not listening first time”. She’s 6 fgs. Got a note home saying she was disrupting the class coz she was singing under her breath while doing a worksheet. Like?? She’s a kid not a robot

This is the third note in 2 weeks and I’m getting fed up. She’s not nasty or rude or anything like that. Bit lively, yeh, but she’s clever and she gets bored quick. Teacher’s newish and v stern. Don’t think she likes my girl tbh. Always got something to say but other mums I chat to say their kids are doing way worse and getting nowt said.

I’m on my own with 5 kids and trying my best. I do the reading log when I remember and she’s always in on time. She’s fed and clothed and happy. Just cos I’m not at the gate every morning all done up doesn’t mean she’s neglected. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it gets in my head.

AIBU to think the teacher needs to ease up or am I missing something? Should I speak to her or just leave it? Don’t wanna cause aggro but I’m tired of getting side-eyed over everything.

It’s best for everyone if you work with the school rather than against them. They don’t care if you are ‘done up’ at the school gates or not, they do care if your child is disruptive and affecting the learning of others. Have you been in to have a chat with them?

Who is side eyeing you ?

why do you think this has something to do with how you present yourself ?

there is only 7 weeks left with this teacher so if it really is a personally clash she gets a fresh start in September

if the teacher is going to the trouble of writing you a letter then it’s a significant persistent issue and best way to address it is to tell your daughter to stop

YABU

Agree with PP that it’s best to work with the school. There is no way a teacher is going to cause extra stress for themselves by sending notes home if they’re not warranted. It’s also in your DD’s and the schools best interests to flag these minor disruptions as and when so you’re not sidelined on parents evenings/reports when they’re mentioned.

I teach reception at the minute but have previously taught nursery too. It’s not unreasonable to expect a 6 year old to be able to sit quietly during teaching input (10/15 minutes) provided there are no additional needs!

This. I would ask for a chat with the teacher and work with them on this to address the causes. They might also be mentioning it because the behaviour is different to others in the class and they think you should keep an eye on it in case it could be undiagnosed SEN. Not hearing/ listening, singing at inappropriate times and talking too much could just be a 6yo being a 6yo, or it could indicate more (such as ADHD, hearing or sight problems etc), particularly if they've singled out the behaviour as particularly problematic. Keep an open mind and approach it constructively face to face.

If all 30 children are singing ‘under their breath’ while doing a worksheet it would be intolerable. So a habit best stopped.

Every time a parent or child complains about a teacher it usually falls under 2 categories. The child is either

doing something they shouldn't be doing
they are not doing what they should be doing

Low level disruption is a nightmare. Your DD can sing all she likes before school, in the two break times they have in KS1, at lunch, any assembly or hymn practise and any time at home and all weekend. It is distracting to those children around her trying to concentrate and get their own work done.

Try to work with the school and talk to your child about sitting quietly whilst she does her work and paying attention to the teacher when they are teaching. Maybe sitting her on a different table or closer to the teacher might help. It depends how the classroom is laid out. In year 2 we had a single row of children at the front then tables behind where children are sat in groups. Those that needed help concentrating were on the front row. This was anything from hearing issues to chatty children who needed less distractions.

Sounds the simplest solution would be for her to pay attention and shut up when the other kids are trying to concentrate. Don't worry about all the other stuff.

She’s coming to the end of KS1. She needs to be getting used to paying attention when being taught (and not chatting away instead) and being respectful of her classmates who are trying to work, whilst she is ‘singing under her breath’.
She is young, but kids this age are able to and expected to behave themselves in class.

It doesn’t matter if she’s 6. If she’s talking too much, she’s not learning. If she’s singing, she’s not focused. She’s also putting off others around her. Low level disruption is absolutely draining to deal with for 6 hours a day. Every parent thinks “it’s only this…” but when you piece that with 29 other students “only talking” it’s not a good learning environment. Support the teacher.

She sounds low level disruptive.

You don't sound particularly supportive of the school OP. I wonder if that attitude has rubbed off on the singing 6 year old

" bit lively " ? 😬

You need to talk to her and work with school. How would you feel if your dd was sat beside someone being disruptive and she couldn’t concentrate because of that!??

She is disruptive. She is nearly 7 and has been in school almost 3 years now. She well knows the behaviour expectations and singing whilst others are trying to concentrate is disrespectful.

Singing is for music class or choir practice. Being 'lively' is for PE. In class she needs to sit and listen. The teacher is right to pull her up on this.
The re is nothing worse than low level disruption for a teacher.

Yabu - she is not behaving well in class and it will be disrupting others.

She’s disruptive. This will be affecting others. The fact you have 5 kids on your own is irrelevant, no one has to take this into account when looking at your kids behaviour.

It’s nothing personal, the teacher is letting you know that your daughter is disruptive, albeit at a low level. I’ve been a primary school teacher and this sort of thing makes it really difficult for the rest of the children to learn, especially those who are sat near the child in question. It doesn’t mean that the teacher doesn’t like your daughter, it means that she is concerned enough to ask for your support. She will be in KS2 in 3 months time and that sort of thing won’t be tolerated as much as it has been in KS1. Just have a chat with the teacher without getting defensive, then speak to your daughter about expectations at school. Maybe come up with a little reward system with the teacher whenever she manages a morning or afternoon without disrupting other people - make it a positive thing.

Some children sing/ hum/ talk under their breath to aid their own concentration and do so on 'autopilot', not to be deliberately disruptive. I don't disagree that it disrupts others, so the teacher's approach to it might be to suggest the child does something else that doesn't distract others instead (some kind of fidget toy perhaps). The key thing is for op to work with the teacher on solutions though - but the default assumption that it's 'naughty' behaviour may not be helpful. Also, if she's particularly fidgety/ talkative, the teacher may be able to enlist the child's help during lesson time by getting her to hand out equipment or whatever, since different children have different energy/ focus levels.

This is so horrid. A 6 year old is singing away under her breath happy doing her work and it’s a habit best stopped? Then we wonder why we have so many miserable, emotionally stunted adults?

and all these posters being like nah a teacher will never do this…a teacher will never be mean or bully… a teacher can only be wonderful… well a) the whole education system in the uk is literally built on bullying and punishing children into submission and there are still hangovers from this, b) teachers can and are peadophiles right? No one is denying that bad ones slip through the net there, so why wouldn’t any of them be bullies? It’s like people believe 99percrnt of them are professionals who can do no wrong, or they’re a 1percent rapist child abuser - no possibility of anything in between… I find this so strange.

there are bad people everywhere. How many posters here have had run ins with bullies at work? Loads I’ll bet. So why would they think they don’t work in schools? I was picked on by a teacher. And it got worse from then on because then I got the reputation of being the “bad” kid, so other teachers assumed I was difficult and treated me negatively before even getting to know me. I was not bad in any way shape or form. I wasn’t even disruptive. She had it in for me and handed me a reputation that followed me - and eventually I leaned in to. She was an awful human being.

and at school there were teachers who kids would say a particular teacher was a pervert and no one listened - just kids making shit up - well now he’s in prison for exactly what you’d imagine. And I know mine isn’t the only school this happened in!

some teachers are awful. An ordinary teacher wouldn’t have the time to send notes etc, but some do. And 7 weeks with a teacher who doesn’t like you can cause damage at this age. It’s a big time in a child’s life.

as for your appearance op, are you actually dishevelled or is it your idea of yourself? Or is it that you are a single parent with five kids and figure people will draw judgements on that? Because people do, let’s face it. And people, again, can pretend teachers have no biases but they bloody do!

Do go and talk to her and suss it out. Do keep in mind that bored kids might be distracting to other kids and see how to help. And do try to work with the school. But keep your instincts in the back of your mind.

A 6 year old is singing away under her breath happy doing her work and it’s a habit best stopped? Then we wonder why we have so many miserable, emotionally stunted adults?

Indeed. That child who has a passion for singing might just be the next Taylor Swift! It's an example of why our education system is a one size that doesn't fit all.

The key here though is the disruptiveness to other children's concentration, so the op/ teacher has to find a way of engaging the child positively and preventing disruption to others. Simply telling the child "don't do it" is unlikely to work.

Why?

Imagine being at work in an office and the person next to you sings under their breath all the time ..

I don't see why this means the education system is "one size that doesn't fit all". Lessons are lessons, and school isn't a crèche. Part of life is learning consideration for others, and being able to behave appropriately in different contexts. I'm sure Taylor Swift doesn't sing under her breath during business meetings.

If what you're really getting at is that some children might concentrate better on a task when humming or singing to themselves, that's a better argument for the "one size doesn't fit all" (though I still think the child needs to stop doing that in the classroom). I think that's unrelated to whether the child is a talented or keen singer in general. We all have that one annoying colleague who wanders around the office singing random lines out of tune, and mine certainly isn't the next Taylor Swift!

Sorry this just made me laugh because both me and the person next to me at work do this constantly to the radio music - we're in the "accounts corner" though so nobody else around for it to bother 🤣