To think Yr2 teacher has it in for my girl??

[RealLifeRickyLake85]

Don’t know where to put this really but just need to vent and see if I’m mad or not. My Yr2 daughter got pulled up AGAIN yesterday for “talking too much” and “not listening first time”. She’s 6 fgs. Got a note home saying she was disrupting the class coz she was singing under her breath while doing a worksheet. Like?? She’s a kid not a robot

This is the third note in 2 weeks and I’m getting fed up. She’s not nasty or rude or anything like that. Bit lively, yeh, but she’s clever and she gets bored quick. Teacher’s newish and v stern. Don’t think she likes my girl tbh. Always got something to say but other mums I chat to say their kids are doing way worse and getting nowt said.

I’m on my own with 5 kids and trying my best. I do the reading log when I remember and she’s always in on time. She’s fed and clothed and happy. Just cos I’m not at the gate every morning all done up doesn’t mean she’s neglected. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it gets in my head.

AIBU to think the teacher needs to ease up or am I missing something? Should I speak to her or just leave it? Don’t wanna cause aggro but I’m tired of getting side-eyed over everything.

Some workplaces are not allowed to have the radio on though so just random singing beside you would’nt be the same.

There's no reason your daughter should be singing while doing her work. That's just how school works and it's great that she's letting you know so you can work on reminding her of this at home. It sounds like in general she's not great at listening the first time so now that you know, you can help her with this over the break.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say if you are concerned, talk to the teacher to listen to listen to what she has to say and voice your concerns as well. Although is the school year ending soon, will she have a different teacher next year?

I had a teacher when I was about 6 or 7 who hated me. I was very quite and shy, often a bit day dreamy but not distruptive or rude or anything like that. This teacher never let me play like everyone else after finishing work, I often had to sit on my own, always being told off, just a whole year of being put down. Mum said I was miserable the whole year but it was only a year or so later when she had reason to be around a lot of my classmates that they all told her stories about how this teacher had treated me. Luckily I have had no worries about any of dcs teachers so far but if they ever told me they were unhappy at school I would look into it.

It sounds like she's being disruptive.
Even at that age I'd have been fed up if someone sang 'under their breath' while working tbh.

It does disrupt others.* *

If the teacher thinks it warrants letting you know, then it needs to be taken seriously. My youngest DS was constantly telling me the teachers were unfair, they were picking on him and not others.
I explained each time that there is a standard of behaviour expected of him from both me and the teacher. When he was in that class, she was in charge and he listened whether he thought it unfair or not.
life isn’t fair, when you work you’ll encounter things that are not fair, it’s how you deal with things. Being disruptive isn’t the answer.
Even if he wasn’t interested in the lesson, others were and to disrupt their learning is not acceptable.

🤣

I teach this age group and while I understand fully that the complaints sound petty, imagine if all 30 were “talking too much” or “singing quietly”. Your daughter certainly wouldn’t be learning anything. The teacher can’t single your daughter out and make it ok for her not to follow rules - perhaps she can sing and work but the 5 others at her table can’t focus through someone singing? Or perhaps she is very bright and absorbs instructions despite talking over staff, but the children sitting around her don’t. I’d chat to her about making good choices and respecting others.

You could just engage them positively to prevent disruption to others.

This. She’s six but so are all the other children in the class.

The teacher is asking for your support, you should give it and work with your daughter to unlearn bad habits.

Got a note home saying she was disrupting the class coz she was singing under her breath while doing a worksheet. Like?? She’s a kid not a robot

Like maybe the othr 29 children would find it easier to learn if she wasn't singing.

First of all, hats off to you for being a single mum of five and just achieving that! That is beyond impressive!

With regards to your DD, lots of good points already made - it's only what, 8 weeks to go till the end of her time with this teacher so not forever, however, we can all do the rose-tinted spectacles thing with our DC so it's good to take a step back and see if there is any validity to what is coming up in these notes. Could you meet with the HT rather than the class teacher with that as a main question " is this fair, is this reasonable, is this accurate or is it targeted?" It's important to know so that you can address how she moves forwards into Yr 3.

And as for the school gate stuff. I think, respectfully, you are mixing two things here - you may feel judged because of your situation and link that to any negativity from the school about your DC's behaviour but they aren't linked. And as long as you, and the kids are clean and tidy every day f*ck anyone's 'judgement' or side eyeing - hold your head up high and carry on achieving! 👍🏻👏🏻

This

YABU to think the teacher even has headspace to pick on a child because of the way their mother looks.

Just cos I’m not at the gate every morning all done up doesn’t mean she’s neglected.

Has anyone suggested she is neglected or is this just something you're worried they may be thinking?

Um, yes - that's what I've said...

On average children lose 3 years of education because of time wasted on disruptive behaviour. That is quite frustrating for children who want to learn and achieve their potential.

No she won’t have it in for a six year old. She’d like to do her job and teach and your child is being disruptive. She’s sending the notes hope to let you know so you can support better behaviour for your child. I would be very cross with my child if they got several notes for bad behaviour home!

If you think your child can’t behave due to a specific reason then you need to discuss with teacher and SENCo about a support plan. If it’s just disruption then your child needs to behave better.

Nobody here will know if the teacher has an irrational dislike for your dd but I understand why a teacher wants to be stern in a country where many think that behaviour in school is awful. Humming under the breath is the sort of thing that she can control rather than the children with bigger issues who are in mainstream because there’s no special school places.

Humming under her breath while doing stuff at home is fine but it can annoy others eg the neurodivergent kids in the class who end up thinking about her song than doing their work. I don’t think that she’s doing it on purpose but for every person who concentrates better with background noise like your dd, there’s another who becomes distracted. She can sing loudly in the playground, singing assembly and during music, plays and other “noisy” times.

You have 5 kids - haven’t you noticed that school is about creating “robots” and not about the individual? You need to home ed to create a personalised experience.

6 weeks to go until the summer holidays. If the year 3 teacher is more like this teacher then she will have done your dd a favour trying to stop the humming now rather than later. Behaviour expectations are doing work in silence in preparation for exams like year 6 SATS and more because that’s the purpose of schools in 2025.

People have all kinds of habits. I worked with a man who constantly jiggled his right knee up and down when he was concentrating. We all variously made him aware (he did it so vigorously that my desk shook!) He was mortified it disrupted others (he didn't realise he was doing it) but was never able to stop himself.

Slightly aghast that your school mum friends happily told you their kids behaved much worse in class. Poor teacher. No wonder nobody wants to be one.

She might have attention differences/difficulties (e.gm ADHD/AuDHD). I'm sure she's a nice kid. Don't think of it as the teacher taking against her, or you, as you won't get anywhere.You need a strategy to help her (not necessarily assessment/diagnosis but could be if she really can't help it) so minor behaviours don't become what she is known for at school and ends up with a vicious cycle.

Yes, sorry, read while multitasking. 💐

OP, it sounds as though you don’t understand what the school are actually saying and why it is important. There are thirty children in that room, and it needs to be an environment where they can ALL learn. So it matters that they learn not to distract and disrupt other children. It’s not about having a go at your child or your parenting. It’s about setting principles in place now so that her behaviour will be appropriate for school going forward.

So you need to listen, talk to your daughter about the issues the school have mentioned and help her do better. You also need to reassure her that she’s doing great in all the other ways. And you need to recognise that this is not a personal attack on either of you.

OP, I’m a teacher, and you have to bear in mind that we often have 30 children in a class. Can you imagine if all 30 were singing under their breath when they shouldn’t be? It would be very hard to concentrate.
You need to speak to your DD at home and tell her she needs to stop doing that, especially if all 3 notes were about singing. Tell her to save singing for music and assemblies!

Also, what does you having 5 kids and your DD being dressed, fed etc have to do with it? That isn’t relevant here at all, and has nothing to do with her behaviour.