Gosh, that all sounds hard! Don't be fobbed off with explanations that it is all down to perimenopause. That is probably not helping but you obviously have challenges and maybe there are ways to help improve some things.
With your DD, as a PP suggested, can you try eg through National Autism Society, to find support with/other ways of responding to her that might help improve the current situation?
My DH also has an autoimmune condition which makes him.very tired after work. However, the right medication/dose can make a big difference. I don't know how it works with your DH, but has he had a review recently to see if his treatment can be improved/fine-tuned?
Re your house, can you identify exactly what you don't like about it and things, even small things, iiiiìiìii you could do to address these? Are there positive things you could do which might overcome some of the practical.issues you might have with it?
If you hate your job, can you apply for others or else have some sort of plan to undertake study which would allow you apply for different things?
You definitely need time for yourself too so try to shoehorn that in. My autistic daughter picks up on and is affected by stress/negative vibes in the house and I imagine yours might be similar. If you can take time out regularly, even for a short walk in green space, you will start feeling better and hopefully your DD will respond to this.