Awful mum

[absolutelynoideaat]

I’m absolutely at the end of my rope with my autistic daughter and I’m feeling like the worst Mum ever. She is almost 10 and she absolutely drives me insane 😢. For years I have to constantly repeat everything I say. I feel myself getting so burnt out. Every day is a constant battle for her to do absolutely anything. And she always says I shout at her… problem is I constantly get What What… so I do end up shouting.. Then I feel like sht. I’m heading for perimenopause and I’m an absolute dragon! My job is sht my life feels an absolute mess. My partner has an autoimmune disorder and I really resent it!! He manages to work fine but can’t manage at home… Problem being I know it’s absolutely so bad for him cause he’s working to provide for us… I work part time but lately I absolutely hate my job… I really want to run away… I’m feel so bitter and trapped. I’ve hated our house since we moved here.. it’s council and we were very lucky to get it… Problem is I’ve never settled here and it depresses me so much. Everything I touch seems to feck up, I just want to disappear. Feeling like a complete failure and I’m lost in what to do. I’m an absolute mess. Any advice is welcome cause the way I’m feeling is scaring the absolute sh*t out of me!!

Aren't you a fucking delight?

OP don't apologise to this absolute wanker, it sounds like you're doing your best and are exhausted. I find the constantly repeating myself one of the hardest parts of parenting! My sister has 2 autistic children a similar age and they are lovely but it is very hard work.

Go back to GP and say look if you can't help i want a referral because this is severely impacting my life and I will not be fobbed off. A lot of NHS treatment these days is pushing and shoving till they listen to you. It is maddening how many women are told to just get on with it.

You're not an awful mum, you're doing your best under really hard circumstances. Be kind to yourself.

Jesus. I hope you’re not like this in actual life! You could have just left it alone, have some empathy ffs.

Autism isn’t all “ special “ gifts and joy is it , I get it . Firstly Get down the docs and get hrt to deal with the menopause

maybe other meds to cope with the overwhelm

can you ask anyone for a break or support?
what about asd support groups online - even just to vent ?

Also are you on the spectrum too ? Menopause and asd is hard and you need extra help with burnout

how massively lacking in compassion. You could just scroll on and say nothing rather than get into a pissing contest.

@absolutelynoideaat when you go back to the Dr, have them specifically check your thyroid. PROPERLY. Don't be fobbed off.

I was an out of control mess and thought it was peri-menopause, but it turned out my thyroid was super underactive. A small little tablet sorted me out in just a week.

Good luck!

Is that helpful really? It's not a competition.

Feeling your absolute overwhelm ❤️xx
Check out Mel Robbins podcasts and the
‘Let Them’ theory - she was on This Morning yesterday if you can get it on catch up .
Inspiring and empowering . X

I hope,the Doctor can offer some help. You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Do you make time for yourself? Have you friends or family who could help. Lots of people just muddle along and try and manage when they really need help. Can you sit down with your husband and have a proper think about what, if anything, you could do to make life a little easier? Can you afford any help? Can you book a babysitter once a week? Can you drop extra curricular activities, start online shopping, do bulk cooking, plan some decorating. Or something?.??
Im sure you will have already thought of all these types things but I think it can be helpful to look at the situation in a more structured way. My husband and I very occasionally had meetings where we kept minutes and signed them. It was all done in good humour but it was useful too. He was extremely busy with work and it was good to allocate some time when we would both concentrate on what needed doing.

You can’t change your DD and you can’t change your husbands illness so you have to look at things you can change.
Im someone that doesn’t have a temper and is naturally very mellow so was shocked at how frustrated and wound up I felt with menopause. HRT was a game changer for me.

It is so hard. I went through peri for two years, then a hysterectomy. I felt like I almost lost myself, the irritability and anxiety was overwhelming.

Please see yourself with patience and grace. This stuff is hard - you are handling a very challenging situation!

On a practical level, HRT was a life saver for me. NHS was not helpful, I ended up going private and paying through the nose. But there could be options available via your GP if you push.

I'm not trying to compete im just saying gratitude changes situations around count what you do have instead of what you dont. I understand how hard it is believe me I do but you need to pull on your big girl pants because your daughter needs you. I have zero support so I know how hard it is.

You’re still making it about you.

Definitely get yourself back to the GP, I am not saying that HRT is a magic remedy but last year I felt like I was losing my mind but since being on HRT I feel more like myself, I have more energy and patience. Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you are really overwhelmed. Do you have a chance to do anything for yourself? Even just to go for a walk, read, have a coffee in peace and quiet. It seems small but for me it helps so much even if it's just an hour to myself.

She wants advice! Telling her to put her big girl pants on isn't helpful? We all have different and difficult situations and sometimes we need to vent and have a cry, it doesn't mean we aren't thankful for our children.

And is this commenter from the 1970s? 🤷

Being burned out and having depression will do that to you as well. Whether or not you are peri-menopausal.

You say your daughter is autistic, could she have pathological demand avoidance? From what I hear it's very common for autism. Maybe look into that. I believe there are quite a few strategies on how to deal with it.

Male doctor I’ll bet? Often bloods will show normal as your cycles are all over. Ask your surgery if they have a Gp specialising in women’s health. Or a friend went private and it was a couple of hundred pounds but hers prescriptions via NHS. We don’t just have to put up and suffer. That rhetoric should have changed by now. Makes my blood boil to hear of women being treated like this.