I know I am BU but how do I shake it off?

[Sloejam]

My partner and I always went running together. We actually met training for a half marathon.

I’m pregnant now and have stopped running (doctor’s advice but I’m knackered anyway).

He’s just told me he’s been invited to go for a run this week with his mate and his mate’s tennis pals (men and women), and they’ll probably grab some dinner and drinks after.

I feel bloody jealous and cross. Granted I can’t join the run but the dinner’s local to me and I’m not an invalid, I can leave the house. I’ve not been invited though because I’m not joining the run.

I know I’m completely unreasonable but I’m cross and feeling rubbish.

I wont tell him that of course, but AIBU to point out I could’ve been invited for dinner? I get the impression this’ll be a weekly thing now.

I genuinely don’t begrudge him a social or fitness life. I’m thrilled he has both. But because it’s something I’m explicitly excluded from, I just feel a bit crap.

I just feel left out because I miss running so much. I wouldn’t feel like this is he just went out alone or with one of his male buddies. But I do awkward that it’s a big fun group, including other women. The thought of him doing our hobby together with them and then having a laugh over a beer, while I can’t really do either of those things, feels crappy.

I totally know it’s unreasonable and it might be the hormones talking.

You're missing out on a wetherspoons, yabu

Could you take up gentle sessions at the gym once you are over the morning sickness stage? You could do that once or twice a week and still feel connected to your body and fitness and if DH goes with you you'd still be connected in that way.

And definitely speak to him about missing doing the things you love doing - if he's grabbing a bite with friends every week he needs to be matching that with you.

I wouldn't blame it on 'hormones', OP. Just own the feeling, acknowledge that it's unreasonable for you to want to muscle into a social event involving strangers and to which you are not invited, because of sexual jealousy -- which is what this sounds as if it's really about. You say you miss running, but that you wouldn't feel like this if it were just your husband going for a post-run drink with his male friend. It's the presence of the 'fit women' that is bothering you.

Its not unreasonable! People here are getting their wires crossed because they are thinking about it as running = his hobby but what is really going on us that running for you is a couples activity that you have had to sacrifice in order to bring the baby into the world. so you have lost couple time and also excitement and time out if the hiuse while he has not.

Either ask to “meet the new friends “ and join the dinner afterwards or ask to do something else together as a couple more frequently during the pregnancy.

He’s just told me he’s been invited to go for a run this week with his mate and his mate’s tennis pals (men and women), and they’ll probably grab some dinner and drinks after.

Are these people you would normally go running with?
Reading the thread it sounds more like you are jealous there will be men AND women there?? If you want to go just ask but equally if these aren’t people you would normally run with then I don’t think you should go just because you’re jealous. So what if he has a laugh with other people over a beer, he’s chose to have a baby with you

It's a good discussion to have at this point so that you don't end up in the situation where dad's life continues unchanged and mum's is completely swallowed up by parenting/baby/home and not-so-fun bits.

Your right you are being unreasonable can you arrange something for the same night with friends

Believe me, I've been there and done it...more than once! Hope it eases soon.

I've been in running clubs and as PPs have said it's completely normal for non-running partners to meet in the pub afterwards (in fact one of my clubs had a large 'theory' section who only met in the pub!). I was going to say just go along, but now reading the updates, I think it sounds like they are an established group and your partner doesn't know them either, just his one mate who's invited him along. In that case, I do think it might be weird for him to bring you along the first time he goes. But if it becomes a regular thing there's no reason you shouldn't join in another time. Then when you can run again, maybe it'll end up being you who goes on the run sometimes while he looks after the baby.

Who wants to go and eat with a bunch of people who just went for a run, sheesh, they'll be stinking!!!

I think you've had a lucky swerve 🤢

@Sloejam definitely tell him you’re missing the running. Why not ask if he will go reguularly and say you’d like to be able to meet him there on the odd occasion. You could offer to drop him off and meet there after and he can have a pint, should he wish to (I realise he may not drink alcohol, or may be training to a level where he doesn’t drink after a run of course). Make it clear it’s not a trust issue or an interfering thing …

OP can you segue into swimming while you're pregnant? I was pregnant during the summer with both of mine and honestly, swimming helped keep me fit, helped my back and just made me feel graceful again. I know how silly that sounds, but I hadn't realised how feeling ungainly was gnawing at me until I was moving in the pool!

You're moving between life stages a bit at the moment. You'll be running again before you know it, could you use this time to explore something else? All best wishes for your pregnancy.

Yes I was going to say that swimming would be another good option.

Is this your first baby? Thinking ahead, have you had a chat with your husband about this sort of thing once the baby arrives? Because it will get a lot more pronounced.

Is the work colleague male or female?

If they are wearing clothes that were fresh on for that run I doubt they will be stinking.

I felt really jealous of my DH exercising when I was pregnant! I still exercised but not in the way I wanted to and it made me so grumpy. I was delighted to be pregnant after years of trying but I struggled to adjust to the limitations it put on my
body. I definitely told my husband that I was frustrated, I feel it's important for them to know what a big physical demand having a baby is! He was very sympathetic tbh as he hates not being able to exercise when he's injured etc.

Reasonable or not, in your case I'd feel a bit left out too!

a "run" could be just a 5k, the OP didn't say there were going on a ultra trail for a week 🙄

I think that it’s perfectly reasonable for you to go along. It’s near where you live, they’re new people to DP too (apart from his colleague), and, as you’re a runner, you can still talk about running while growing a baby inside you. It’s nice to be out and about in the summer, and once the baby comes it’s much harder to go to the pub to socialise for a while, so do it while you can. You might make some new friends yourself.

Use your voice and communicate.

“That sounds lovely, would I be able to come and join you for dinner once your run is done?”

Let it go OP, it's ok for him to have a social night out without you. Why not make arrangements with a friend and go out yourself? Or get yourself a takeaway and have a nice soak in a bubble bath, get your comfiest pj's on and watch a movie or boxset. When my DH goes out, I relish getting into bed with all my snacks and watching some true crime that he hates!

I get it. I was resentful that I had all the discomfort, sickness, sciatica, heartburn, giving up
alcohol …and my husband’s life just carried on as before.

I understand OP. If you don't want to ask him and you have no problems with him going. Maybe organise an evening out with a friend of yours? Have a nice evening of your own! Would that make you feel better?

Pregnancy hormones can give you so many different feelings at the same time!

Sounds like maybe your partner made a loose comment at work about not having a running partner at the moment and was then invited along to join a work colleague and their friends who regularly run. It would be weird for you to tag along, especially as your partner has only just been included. Maybe once your partner has been a few times with them and can suss things out a bit (as to whether anyone else's partner does join them) then you can meet with them.

Have you found yourself any groups to try? What about antenatal groups or yoga groups or pregnancy swimming sessions? There is usually a whole market of things aimed at pregnant women depending on where you live, so maybe have a look at any social activities you could join to feel less isolated.