I know I am BU but how do I shake it off?

[Sloejam]

My partner and I always went running together. We actually met training for a half marathon.

I’m pregnant now and have stopped running (doctor’s advice but I’m knackered anyway).

He’s just told me he’s been invited to go for a run this week with his mate and his mate’s tennis pals (men and women), and they’ll probably grab some dinner and drinks after.

I feel bloody jealous and cross. Granted I can’t join the run but the dinner’s local to me and I’m not an invalid, I can leave the house. I’ve not been invited though because I’m not joining the run.

I know I’m completely unreasonable but I’m cross and feeling rubbish.

I wont tell him that of course, but AIBU to point out I could’ve been invited for dinner? I get the impression this’ll be a weekly thing now.

I genuinely don’t begrudge him a social or fitness life. I’m thrilled he has both. But because it’s something I’m explicitly excluded from, I just feel a bit crap.

No. From what I gather it’s very informal and the people who went for the run just grab a quick bite at the Wetherspoons, after the run, as it’s near where a lot of them park their cars. They always do after the run, I think.

I meant I won’t tell him I’m grumpy and jealous. Like I won’t gripe at him about going.

Oh, well that's a bit different then. If these are all nice people then it sounds like his colleague and mate have kindly asked your DH to join then as he no longer has his usual running pal (you). If so, then still take yourself along. Hopefully your DH is make the introductions and it'll be a lovely evening.

If you feel your DH is wanting to have a social life outside of his life with you (which is OK - we are all entitled to have our own interests) but is clumsily using your shared interest (running) as a way to do this while you're unable to run then it does make it a little more uncomfortable for you. But that's quite a stretch and I really think you just need to tell him you'll join them after the run.

Yabu. Just find something else nice to do to distract yourself.

So it's got nothing to do with the actual dinner, you just don't trust him not to cop off with another woman?

I disagree with the people telling you to go along for the meal. People are allowed to go out without their partners, and if everyone invited their partner to the meal afterwards it shifts it from a super casual 'grabbing some food and a drink after the run' to something where 50% of the people don't know the group, and you're waiting around for partners to arrive before people order, etc etc.

I think it's normal to feel a bit rubbish at missing an activity you enjoy (the running, not the meal), and it's not unusual to feel a bit crap about your changing body when you fall into the trap of comparison, but tagging along isn't the answer IMO

Respectfully, do you never socialise separately, and don't you have separate friends? Aren't there friends you can see that evening, rather than sit at home resenting it? I can't imagine being clung to DH's side, or feeling that left out and resentful about one social event he was attending?

You'll run again! Your life isn't over.

I disagree with this because (if I understand it correctly) she isn’t a partner who just doesn’t run. She cannot run due to pregnancy. Personally I think the situations are very different.

Ok if your not part of the running club and it's only the running club members that are going without there partners then no you shouldn't go and are being unreasonable. Bit of a drip feed there

Ah I just saw I had missed an update from the OP. Sorry.

As she isn’t a member of the running club I don’t see why she would go.

But she's never run with this group. I'm a runner but wouldn't turn up to a social event my DH was attending after a run with a group I've had nothing to do with just because I'm also a runner. That seems an odd connection to make

Ah ok that does change things a bit.

I agree, no point telling him then.

Perhaps call up a friend and arrange a coffee/cake or meal together instead. Or tell DH you'd like to go out on a date at the weekend.

I don't believe you're actually envious that he gets to grab food at wetherspoons...so it'll be about feeling less than enthused about being pregnant and so on which is fair enough really.

Sorry, I missed this when I replied to your other post

I think you should tell your dp how you feel. I think he should invite you! It's rubbish enough that you're losing your hobby due to pregnancy without also being excluded from other things!

It's really quite a small thing to include you in his meal out when compared to the massive impact on you of carrying your shared child.

Do you think partners should be included in every group activity a person does? The OP has never been part of this group, and (from what I can gather), no other partners go. Wouldn't it be weird that one of the group turns up with their DW in tow?

Edited after reading op updates

No I don't, but I do think the op's dp should appreciate that her sacrifice (giving up their shared hobby) is much larger than his potential sacrifice (being asked to include her in socialising with the new friends he's replaced her with).

This is so off @Sloejam i was a member of a running club for years and we would often have random partners joining us after a run who were not even runners not to mind a pregnant runner who was only out because of pregnancy. Heck I’ve gone on nights out tonnes after DHs marathon runs when I’ve just be a supporter.

You are feeling a certain way about yourself that means you are not seeing that there should be no problem with you joining in post race. Be prepared to hear all about splits and pace and times and PBs and then go enjoy your evening.

You are being unreasonable but you know that. It would be odd for you to go and you’d appear to be quite clingy. These people just want to relax , grab a quick bite etc. Not steal your husband!

I don't disagree, I just don't agree that the OP going along to the group meal is the way to do that. It shifts a group dynamic, it potentially males the OP look clingy, and it sounds like the way the OP is feeling it's likely to feed into her understandable but unhelpful comparisons to other women who aren't pregnant and therefore in a different physical shape

He hasn’t replaced her!!! Circumstances are she can’t run at the moment that’s all. You make it sound like this is is a deliberate move on his part. He just wants to go for a run and be sociable.

I know you’re right! It feels so archaic though. I’m at home growing fat and growing his offspring, while he’s off living his best life.

The world is weird when you’re pregnant!

You're at home growing a baby. Literally growing a life. You're living your best life too, for this season - just maybe not the one you're used to! 💐

Thank you for this lovely response! Admittedly right now I’m trying not to throw up my lunch. But I genuinely love the sentiment! ❤️

So it’s people you’ve never met and who won’t be bringing their own partners… why would you go?